Question time
by LittleFanGirl
Summary: Now's your chance to ask ANY of the TVD cast ANYTHING. Rated T for mild Swearing and discussion of sexual topics.
1. Chapter 1

**I've seen a lot of these type of fics in other fandoms, but none in The Vampire Diaries. So here we gooo...  
>DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, i don't own TVD. Or Ian.<br>(As it's crack fic, It'll be in script format, with myself as the host [Referred to as LFG])  
><strong>

LFG: Hello and welcome to the show! Today we are lucky enough to welcome the cast of the vampire diaries onto are stage, and you'll all be given a chance to ask them the questions you've always wanted the answers for!  
>First we welcome ELENA GILBERT!<p>

Elena: ***Walks onto stage and sits on a chair that magically appeared.***

LFG: Good afternoon Elena. As procedure I'm going to ask you the first question. How did you feel after your parents death?

Elena:** *A little taken aback*** Oh...Well...It was...uh...very difficult, especially when Jeremy started...

LFG: As much as i'd LOVE to hear about your past emotional troubles, it's time to welcome someone else onto stage. None other then... ***Loonnngg Pause in which a few people die of old age*** DAAAMOONNN SAALLVAATOOORRREEE!

Damon: ***Sits next to Elena at vampire speed***

Elena: AHH! DAMON!

LFG: That was cool...

Damon: ***Smirk***

Elena: Damon, must you sit that close to me?** *Sigh***

Damon: ***Feigns hurt*** Well my dear Elena i do apologise. ***Moves incredibly close and whispers in her ear*** I'll try to keep my distance in future...

Elena: Damon. I'm warning you.

Damon: ***Sits back in his chair smugly*** I'll stop now princess. for now. Besides, with how fast your heart's beating right now, i wouldn't want to give you a heart attack.

Elena: ***Clenches Teeth*** Shutup.

LFG: Okay okay, calm down now guys. This isn't Jerry Springer. Annywaaay..Damon, time for your first question...What's the best thing about being a vampire?

Damon: Well. I'd have to say it was the power. ***GLares menacingly at the audience*** Just knowing that you can end some ones life like** *Clicks*** that. Knowing that if you want them, you get them. You mere humans are powerless.

LFG: ***Looks Between Damon and the audience.*** Damon...No eating my audience.

Damon: Or what?

LFG: ***Stabs him in the leg with a varvain covered stake***

Damon: AAHHHHH! WTF?

LFG: Trust me...that hurt me much more then it did you...

Damon: ***Snarls as he removes the stake***

LFG: Now he knows who's boss...Next up is Stefan Salvatore!

Stefan: ***Walks in like a human and sits on the other side of Elena. Puts his arm round Elena. Looks at Damon. Burst out laughing.*** WHat happened to you? HA!

Damon: Watch it. Broiher.

LFG: You want another one Damon?

Damon: ***Sulks***

LFG: Anyywaay, now we have Stefan. Stefaann...Your question is...What do you think of...Twilight?

Stefan: I hate it. Ever since Elena forced me to wa...

ELena: Woah woah woah WOAH! Forced you? ***Pulls away*** You practically BEGGED me to watch it with you and you LOVED it. Don't lie Stefan.

Stefan: Well...uh...I... ***Goes as red as a tomato***

LFG: ***Manic laughter***

Damon:** *Major smirk to end all smirks*** Why lie brother? Not like you have a reputation to protect. Unlike moi.

LFG: Well...Before these lot kill eachother, that's the end of the first show. Send reviews in with your questions and they WILL be answered. P.S You can ask ANY character a question, i'll bring them in for it. It would've just been too much to handle with all the characters on stage at once...  
>TIll next time folks! xD <strong><br>**


	2. Chapter 2

LFG: Welcome back! To start with i just want to say a big thankyou to everyone who favourite, alerted and/or reviewed...So...THANKS!

Damon: You nearly done? We need to get back to The Damon show!

Elena: ***Eyeroll*  
><strong>  
>Stefan: Damon not everything is about you. Don't be so conceited.<p>

LFG: As much as i agree with you Stefan. STFU! Stop acting oh so high and mighty. It's annoying. Annywwaaayyy...QUESTIONS! Please welcome Violetmuse, 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0, Vampire Leprechaun, Mrs-Damon-Darco-Liono-Potter, HeartsBreakInLove annndd OhyeahDelenaYeah to the stage!

***All of the above enter***

LFG: Now, quite a few of you have asked a similar question, Violetmuse, Mrs-Damon-Darco-Liono-Potter and HeartsBreakInLove would all like to know... ***Pause for effect* **Why are you so incredibly hot and how do you deal with the aforemention hotness?

Stefan: ***Murmers*** Great, that's all we need. More reasons to inflate his already large ego.

Damon:** *Glares at Stefan* **Can it, go hunt some bunnies or something. Well. Yours is a question with many answers. ***Does the smoldering eye thing* **I can't explain WHY i'm this good looking. I guess I'm just that amazing. ***Smirk*** But as to how i handle it? It's not exactly difficult, although I am one of the few that CAN handle this magnitude of hotness. Stefan, for example, would NOT know how to use it to it's full potential and would probably try and seduce a squirrel with it.

ELena: ***Groans*** Damon just shut up.

Stefan: Seriously? Seduce squirrels? Why don't you just...urm...Go kill a human or something...?

Elena: STEFAN!

Damon: What the hell kind of insult is that? ***Looks around. Grabs Violetmuse* **Maybe i will... ***Smirk***

Everyone except Damon and Violetmuse: DAMON!

LFG: Of fgs Damon, what did i say about eating audience members? ***Holds up vervain covered stake*** Put her down. NOW!

Damon: Fine. ***Thows Violetmuse somewhere into the audience.***

LFG: You're extremely close to the line Damon. I'd be very careful if i were you.

Mrs-Damon-Darco-Liono-Potter: I LOVE YOU DAMON!

Damon: ***Smirk*** And so you should. ***Sits back down***

LFG: ANd on that very spontaneous confession of love...Mrs D - I'm officially shortening it - Ask away your other questions...

Mrs D: Yay! Okay... ***Walks up to and directly face Elena* **YOU! ***Points*** ADMIT IT!

ELena: Wha - I'm confused...And a little scared...

Mrs D: ADMIT YOU LOVE DAMON!

***HeartsBreakInLove and OhyeahDelenayeah run over and also face Elena*  
><strong>  
>HeartsBreakInLove and OhyeahDelenayeah: YEAH!<p>

Elena: Wha..bu- I don't love Damon? ***Bites lip***

Damon: ***Egotistical smirky face*  
><strong>  
>Stefan: <strong>*Looks-like-he's-gonna-explode face*<strong>

ELena:** *Looks at Stefan pleadingly*** Please tell them i don't love Damon...'Cause i don't...honestly...

Stefan: Fiiiinnneee. ***Compels them all*** Elena does not love Damon

HeartsBreakInLove, OhyeahDelenayeah and Mrs D: Elena does not love Damon

Stefan: Now unless you have any more question, go back to the audience.  
><strong><br>*HeartBreakInLove returns to the audience.***

Damon: Brother. You know your compulsion is weak. And very easily undone...

Stefan: ***Looks at Elena nervously***

Elena: ***Avoids eye contact with anyone***

LFG: This just got awkward fast... ***Awkward laughter*** I know. MORE QUESTIONS! Mrs D, i believe you have one final question?

Mrs D: Oh yeah i do...Stefan...Why are you son annoying?

Stefan: ***Wounded face*** I'm not annoying!

Elena: Yeah he's not annoying...Because i love him. And only him. No one else. Deffinetly not Damon. ***Nervous Laughter.* **

Damon: I have two points two make. Point 1) Stefan you ARE annoying, even the rabbits are sick of you. And Point 2) Elena you seem a little nervous...Everything okay? *Moves closer to Elena*

Elena: ***Squeals and jumps up. Moves and sits on Stefan's knee silently.***

Stefan: ***Contemplative face***

LFG: And awkwardness strikes again...

***Mrs D returns to the audience***

LFG: Okay, we have some more questions but this show's ran on for quite a while, We'll have the last one from OhyeahDelenayeah and leave Vampire Leprechaun's and 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0's till next time...OhyeahDelenayeah, your turn!

OhyeahDelenayeah: YAY! Okkaay...I have two more quesions but i'll ask the other one next time...Damon...Do you still watch Elena sleep?

LFG: Oh dear...

Stefan:** *Snarls*** Still? When did he EVER watch her sleep?

Damon: That's for me to know and you to wonder brother.

Elena: Stefan don't, please, it's nothing...

Stefan: Nothing? NOTHING? ***Stands up and Elena falls on the floor*** I'm not having him getting all Creepy-twilight-guy on your ass Elena!

Elena: ***Mutters*** I should've never agreed to watch that with him...

Damon: In answer to your question...Do i still watch Elena sleep...

Stefan: ***Growls*** You better not answer yes.

Damon: And what if i do? ***Smirk* **

***Stefan lunges into Damon, who throws Stefan at a wall...The fight continues.***

LFG: Ahh crap. Well, due to...urm...technical difficulties, that's the end of this show! Vampire leprechaun, 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0 and OhyeahDelenaYeah will appear on the next show again, along with anyone else that may have some questions. See you then! xD 


	3. Chapter 3

LFG: Again, another thankyou to everyone who reviewed, now before we start with the new questions sent in, we have to ask some that we were unable to answer previously...

Damon: Omfg, is this show ever going to end? I'm wasting my eternity here.

Stefan: Damon, just because she's annoying doesn't mean you have to be rude.

LFG: Thanks Ste - HEY! I'M NOT ANNOYING! ***Glares at Stefan***

***Stefan, Damon and Elena start laughing***

Elena: You are a bit...

LFG: ***Throws a brick at Elena's head* **Shut it bitch.

***Elena's unconsious on the floor***

Stefan and Damon: ELENA!

***Both rush to her side and carry her off stage***

LFG: So now i'm alone, great. God vampires are so tempermental, why do they have to be so pissy all the time...Hmm...What can i do now - OH I KNOW! I just remembered there was a question that WASN'T for any of those 3 idiots...ALLAAARRIIIIICCCCC!

Alaric: ***Pops head round the stage curtain expectantly- which may or may not have just appeared, we don't know* **Was that my name?

LFG: It was indeed! Someone actually has a question for you! ***Smiles patronisingly*** Soo can the asker of said question please come onto stage? Welcome back 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0!

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Walks on* **Ric, just wanna say, I love you man.

Alaric: ***Mutters*** Ric? Really? He has no right...

LFG: No one cares. RIC. Anyway, on with the question!

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Yeah, that. Honestly Ric, how does it feel argueing with Jenna?

LFG: Yeeaahh! That must be shit...

Alaric: ***Frowny face that's like -_-*** Well yeah, I just want everything to be alright again, I mean...When she's happy it's absolu -

LFG: Okaayy Ric, that's enough. As i said to 'Lena in a previous show, no one really cares about your deep emotional turmoil...BYE!

Alaric: ***Slouches off muttering obscenities***

***Several hours of awkward silence. A few tumble weeds blow by.*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Sooo...Hmmm...<br>**  
>*Few more minutes of silence.*<strong>

Damon: ***Struts on stage*** Anyone miss - Woah, why's it so crappy out here? Like, nothings going on... ***Sits down in his chair***

LFG: Damon, where's your shirt?

Damon: ***Looks down*** OMFG! Where IS my shirt? ***Suspicious face*** That violetmuse is sneaky, i'll give her that...

LFG: What?

Damon: I was seeing to Elena and she attacked me...I think you call it glomping? But yeah...Jesus - Most terrifying moment of my life. She must've stole my shirt when i wasn't looking.

LFG: But you're a vampire...How did...How could...Why didn't... ***Shakes head* **Strange...Well it's good you're back 'cause the next question's for you.

Damon: ***Slouches back into chair*** Tidy.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Is that my cue?

LFG: Yup. Ask away mein freude!

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: So Damon...Ever had a bad run in with a fan girl or had a clingy one night stand?

Damon: One night stand not so much, if they get clingy and i can't be arsed with compelling them i just kill 'em. S'pretty easy. As for fan girls, I think i just had one? Hence the missing shirt...

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Nods. Silently walks off stage.***

Damon: He doesn't talk much does he?

***And the silence once again dominates the atmosphere. Not awkward at all...*  
><strong>  
>Vampire Leprechaun: <strong>*Stand up aprubtly in audience. Shouts.* <strong>WILL TYLER MAKE AN APPEARANCE?

LFG: ***Shocked by the sudden noise*** Umm...  
><strong><br>*Tyler suddenly streaks across stage.***

Everyone: o.O

Damon: For a werewolf his package isn't very -

LFG: DAMON! WTF?

Damon: ***Shrugs***

LFG: Well, there you go vampireLeprechaun. Tyler just made an appearance. Probably appeared more than we'd wanted but whatever...

Tyler: ***Shouts from backstage*** IT WAS A DARE!

LFG: *Mutters* Course it was Tyler. Hey Damon, where'd Elena and the eternal bore go?

Damon: They'll be back soon...

***Stefan and Elena come back in* **

LFG: About bloody time!

ELena: I'm sorry. I was bust trying to regain consciousness.

LFG:** *To self*** I'm gonna kill her in a minute...

OhyeahDelenaYeah: ***Runs on stage*** Is it my turn yet? Is it? Is it?

LFG: ***Sits on a chair in a 'I-seriously-can't-be-arsed-anymore kinda way*** Go for it.

OhyeahDelenaYeah: My question's foooorr...STEEEFAAAANNNN! Okay, okay. Stefan, why did you return to mystic falls?

Stefan: Obviouslt for El -

OhyeahDelenaYeah: DON'T YOU DARE!

Stefan: Whaaa...?

OhYeahDelenaYeah: We all know you returned for Katherine...NOT Elena. ***Crosses arms in an all-knowing kinda way*  
><strong>  
>Stefan: No...it was for Elena because i love her and clearly feel NOTHING toward Kathering. At all. Nada. Zip. Nothing except hate...<p>

ELena: ***PIssy face* **You better not be lying Stefan Salvatore.

Stefan: Of course not love, I love you. And only you.

Damon: HA! WHIPPED!

LFG: Agreed!

Stefan: ***Nervous face***

Elena: ***Pissy face***

Damon and LFG: ***Amused face***

OhYeahDelenayeah: ***Skips off stage.***

LFG: Oh hey that means the question from last show are done...Time for the new ones!

Stefan, Damon and Elena: ***Groan***

LFG: ***Oblivious to their annoyance* **So our first question's from...

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Runs on*** Heeey Stef, just wanted to say...No worries. I know alot of people think you're annoying but i don't...You're just...uh...passionate... ***Runs off***

LFG: Okay then...

Damon: Aww! Steffy got himself a lickle fan! ***Condescending face***

Stefan: Stef? Did he just? Stef? Really?

LFG: Yep he did. Get used to it STEEFFYYYYY!

Stefan: ***Mutters various obsenities***

LFG: ***Looks at the card which apparently tells her who's coming on next. Smug smile* **And next we have...VIOLETMUSE!

Damon: ***Horrified face.*** Omfg no...

VioletMuse: ***Skips on wearing Damon's shirt. Which makes everyone else remember he's still not wearing one.*** HIIAAAA! FIrst of all i wanna say...Damon, you can bit me anyday ***Winks at Damon.***

Damon: Sorry, i prefer the struggle.

VioletMuse: ***Clearly dismayed*** K. Urmm next point. ELENA! YOu need to make up your mind, seriously, you can't string Damon along like this. He has places to go. People to do.

Elena: WHAT? STRINGING HIM ALONG?

Damon: What you talking about you crazy shirt stealing weirdo...I can't be strung. I'm Damon fricking Salvatore. NO ONE STRINGS ME ALONG! EVER! ***Storms out***

ELena: MAKE UP MY MIND? I HAVE! I LOVE STEFAN! I DON'T EVEN HAVE FEELING FOR DAMON! GOD CAN'T EVERYONE JUST GET OFF MY CASE! ***Also storms of.***

***Stefan hasn't said anything in a while. He may be asleep. Or not. WHatever. No one really cares anyway...***

LFG: I wish they'd stop doing that...It's not really a show with me stood here...Even with Sainty mc bunny hunter still here.

VioletMuse: Oh it's 'kay. My question for Jeremy anyway.

LFG: Fair do's. JEEERREEMMMMMMYYYY!

Jeremy: ***Strolls on casually*** Someone say my name?

LFG: Don't act like you haven't been desperately waiting by the side of the stage for a question. We all know you have.

Jeremy: Humph.

LFG: Everyone gets so pissy so easily on here! What the actual hell?

VIoletMuse: Soo Jer, How you dealing with Bonnie's decision?

Jeremy: ***Looks up*** How many ways can i deal with it? I just gotta accept it don't i? ***Is starting to get pissy. Advances on VioletMuse* **You know what she's like, so stubborn! ALL THE TIME.

LFG: *** THrows a brick at Jeremy***

VioletMuse: Why d'you do that?

LFG: He was getting angry. We have enough anger from the vampires, we don't need it from barely pubescant teenagers aswell. ***Drags Jeremy off stage.***

VioletMuse:** *Slowly backs away***

LFG: And i'm alone again...

Stefan: I'm still here...

***VioletMuse is hugging Jeremy backstage. Whilst he's unconscious. Just so ya'know.* **

LFG: Yeah but you don't count. You're not interesting enough to count.

Stefan: ***Wounded face***

Pretty-Tweety: ***Suddenly appears on stage.***

LFG: That. was. awesome. I assume you have a question?

Pretty-Tweety: I know. Anyway, yes i do. What's everyone's favourite movies?

LFG: I'm sure Stefan can answer for the others for now...Steffyyy, What are Elena and Damon's favourite movies? Oh and yours aswell.

Stefan: ***Seems happy to finally have attention*** Well I know Elena quite likes fast and furious...Damon's will be something gory where loads of innocent people die...I'm quite prone to marley and me...

LFG: woah woah woah woah WOAH! SO you're telling me? That Elena's favourite movie is manlier then yours?

Stefan: I guess so...yeah...

Pretty-Tweety and LFG: ***Uncontrolable laughter*** SERIOSULY?

Stefan: Hurumph. I don't have to stand for this. ***Storms out***

Pretty-Tweety and LFG: ***To busy laughing to notice. After a while they calm down.*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Hey where'd broody mcBrood face go?<p>

Pretty-Tweety: ***Suddenly disappears***

LFG: Woah...Annnndd I'm alone... *Siiighhh* Sorry guys but for some reason everyone's really pissy...I guess we'll have to leave the rest of the questions till next chapter...Just as a forewarning, some of the questions are of a sexual nature so if you're uncomfortable with that simply skip the next 'show'. Apologies that i couldn't get to all the questions, but they're all being annoying little ***CENSORED*. **Till next time! 


	4. Chapter 4

LFG: I'm actually astounded to how many positive comments i've had regarding this, I honestly had NO idea this would be that popoular. Reviewers; You're all so lovely and i thank you so much for the support you've shown this random, cracky piece of fic. Oh and i forgot before, I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES...I only own a slightly unhealthy obsession of it...

Elena: ***Sigh***

LFG: ***Glares at Elena*** Problem?

Elena: Yes. You.

LFG: And you wonder why people want you dead...

Damon and Stefan: ***Major death glares at LFG***

LFG: Okay okay, I'm sorry. Sheesh. Some people. Well, before I say something that's going to get me killed, lets get on with the questions! Please welcome Pretty-Tweety back to the stage!

Pretty-Tweety: ***Walks onto stage* **

LFG: OKAY GO!

Pretty-Tweety: You're very enthsiastic...okay...Damon this one's for you...

Damon: Again? Awesome.

Stefan: Again? Seriously? Why does everyone love him? What's he ever done? He kills people for gods sake!

LFG: ***Stabs Stefan in the leg with a stake***

Elena: ***Lunges at LFG* **

LFG: ***Bam. Brick hits Elena's head.*** Oh she's unconcsious again...Shame. ***Drags Elena offstage.***

Stefan: You're a twisted little bitch. ***Removes stake. Starts to leave***

LFG: NO! SIT DOWN NOW! ***Boom. Stake in Stefan's stomach.* **This is MY show. You don't leave until i say you can!

Stefan: ***Sulky face***

LFG: Thankyou. Sorry about that Pretty-Tweety, carry on...

Pretty-Tweety: ***Totally not affected by the evident Stefan or Elena bashing* **Damon...Have you ever had a threesome with Stefan and Katherine?

Everyone: Woah.

Damon: ***Smmiiirkkkk***

Stefan: ***Sees the smirk* **Wait what! NO! Of course we haven't! DAMON!

LFG: ***High pitched screechy voice* **THE QUESTION WAS FOR DAMON! NOT YOU! NOT EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU STEFAN!

Stefan: ***More sulking*** It seems nothing about me.

LFG: N'aww...Schnuchums upset? Oh woe is you. Not shut up or it's more stakes for you.

Damon: Actually we haven't. But Stefan's reaction was priceless.

LFG: Okay so you haven't...But have either of you ever THOUGHT about it? ***Wiggly suggestive eyebrow thing that people do when making innuendos and such*  
><strong>  
>Stefan and Damon: <strong>*Bright red*<strong>

LFG: Thought as much. ***Smug face*** Any more questions?

Pretty-Tweety: ***Evil face*** Stefan. Question for you.

Stefan: ***Excited*** Really? ***Boom. Facade of broodiness*** I mean, yeah sure whatever...Not that i care...

Pretty-Tweey: HAve you ever had a sexual dream about your brother?

Stefan: WHAT! WHAT!

Damon: That just crosses the line. It's like you humans wanna be killed mercilessly...

Stefan: NO I HAVE NOT! THAT'S SICK AND WRONG. AND WRONG AND SICK!

LFG: Woah...He gets testy doesn't he?

Pretty-Tweety: Alright, chill Steffy. my next question's for Elena...

LFG: ***Looks offstage at the still unconscious Elena*** That may have to wait...Come back later for that one...

Pretty-Tweety: Okaaay... ***Bounds offstage.***

LFG: Now that that awkward bout of questions is over...Let's move on...Can HeartsBreakInLove come to the stage please?

HeartsBreakInLove: ***Runs onstage and stands directly behind him. Shouts in his ear* **I LOVE YOU! ***Runs off***

Damon: OW! Fricking hell...I never thought i'd say this but, why all the love for me all of a sudden?

LFG: Just because the one you want to love you hasn't admitted it yet...

Damon: Don't. Go. There.

LFG: Ohhhhh I'm evverr sooo soorryyy...So i assume that's all from HearsBreakInLove?

HeartsBreakInLove: ***Runs back on* **NO! Steeffaannn...Seriously, why don't you just run off with Katherine? We all know you want to...

Stefan: I DON'T LOVE KATHERINE!

LFG: Seriously dude...chill...anyone'd thing you're PMSing.

Stefan: I'M NOT PMSING!

LFG: ***Shoots Stefan with a vervain dart and knocks him unconscious* **He's so shouty...It was a perfectly acceptable question... ***Drags Stefan offstage***

HeartsBreakInLove: I had another question for Elena but... ***Runs up to Elena* **ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM! WE ALL KNOW YOU LOVE DAMON! ***Kicks her in the leg. Runs away again*  
><strong>  
>LFG: I feel like my natural aggression rubbing off on others...I'm quite proud... <strong>*Looks at Damon* <strong>You seem tense Damon? Anything to do with Elena?

Damon: NO! She doesn't affect me...Course not...

LFG: Suuuurrreee...How come you're so calm recently? I expected you to blow up not Stefan...

Damon: Because i have common sense. I do not want to be staked nor poisoned with vervain. You seem like a very angry person...

LFG: Smart move...

0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: ***Runs on* **

LFG: You guys run a lot...Anyway, question?

0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: No...Just wanna say I'm a girl...Not a guy.

LFG: Oh right yeah...Sorry 'bout that...

0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: I suppose it's okay.., Damon, piece of advice...If the fangirls get to bad you can always knock 'em out.

Damon: Not if they're as phsyco as our crazy little hostess here...

0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: Touche. Anyway, why is Stefan abused so much? Just because he can't keep up with his brother? Unfair treatment i say...

LFG: Weelll yeaah...But it's fun...And it seems to come so naturally...

Damon: It is quite funny when he throws a hissy fit...

0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: UNFAIR! ***Runs off because the author's to lazy to think of a better verb then 'run'*  
><strong>  
>LFG: And our next question is from...Violetmuse! Yay!<p>

Violetmuse: ***Struts on sporting Damon's shirt***

Damon: Please no more glomping...

Violetmuse:** *Winks at Damon* **You pretend it's creepy...you love it really...

LFG: He'd love it more if you were Elena...

Damon: ***Growl***

LFG: Okay i overstepped a line. Sorry. Don't kill me for it.

Violetmuse: Btw Damon...That means by the way...Just so you know...Soon i'll be your girlfriend... ***Manic cackle. Runs off***

Damon: ***Petrified face***

LFG: Screw steaks and vervain...You start playing up and i'm sicking HER on you.** *Evil grin* **Could be fun...BRB! ***Returns sometime later dragging a still unconsious Stefan and Elena. Ties them to a chair each - Stefan's with vervain covered ropes* **

Damon: You brought them back why?

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Felt like it. And our next guest is a new one, AlisaPhenom!

AlisaPhenom: ***Rolls onto stage like Malfoy does in a very potter musical. Apologies to anyone who doesn't get it* **DAMON! KISS ME! ***Glomps Damon***

***Damon stays locked in a glomp for a while whilst everyone else just waits for it to end. By the time he's release Stefan and Elena have regained consciousness***

AlisaPhenom: Oh good they're awake...Questions! Elena...

Elena: ***Looks up, scared to say anything for fear of another flying brick***

AlisaPhenom: When are you finally gonna kiss Damon?

Stefan: ***Looks-like-he's-gonna-murder-someone face***

Elena: I'm not...I kiss people i love...I love Stefan...No one else...Only Stefan... ***Nervous Laughter***

LFG: You're a bad liar.

AlisaPhenom: Stefan! When are you finally gonna take off your ring in sunlight?

Stefan: Well never, 'cause if i did that i'd...HEY! ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANT ME TO DIE?

AlisaPhenom: ***Twiddles hair innocently*** Maybe.

Stefan: If it wasn't for these damn ropes - WHICH KILL BY THE WAY - I'd...

LFG: ***Smiles sweetly as she stakes Stefan's leg* **No you wouldn't.

AlisaPhenom: BYE! ***Rolls offstage***

LFG: ***Ignoring Stefan's cries of pain* **And now we welcome back Mrs-Damon-Darco-Liono-Potter...Or, because i'm to lazy to say that everytime...Mrs D!

Mrs D: ***Sprints on wearing an 'I LOVE YOU DAMON' shirt*  
><strong>  
>Damon: Oh for goodness sake...This is ridiculous now...<p>

LFG: Questions!

Mrs D: Elena...what were you thinking when you stared at Damon's bed in 'The last dance'?

Damon: ***Eyes darken slightly***

Stefan: You were in his bedroom? ***Snarl***

Elena: ***Panicking*** No..I mean yeah...I was...But it didn't mean anything I...

LFG: STOP STALLING!

Elena: Well...I...urmm...Was thinking that it looked like a comfy bed?

LFG: Trying to convince us that's what you though Elena or yourself? ***Smirk***

Elena: Me..No i mean you! 'Cause that's what i thought...Nothing else i swear...WHy would i think anything else? I'm with Stefan...I love Stefan... ***More nervous laughter***

***A few tense moments on stage***

LFG: Any more questions Sweetie? ***Smiles at Mrs D***

Mrs D: Yeah..Stefan...When you finally gonna die and make the world a better place?

Everyone: ***Omg-did-she-really-just-say-that kinda faces***

Stefan: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT ME TO DIE!

LFG: You take such offense to everything Steffy. Seriously.

Stefan: OFFENSE? EVERYONE WANTS ME TO DIE!

LFG: YEah yeah... ***Makes violin hand gesture*** I'm playing the worlds smallest violent for you...now shush!

Stefan: No! I Cannot believe the audacity of you pe -

LFG: ***Stakes Stefan again. Note - his hands are ties so he's unable to remove the stakes*** You never learn.

Mrs D: I have one more question...For my future husband...What do you think of Klaus?

***Silence***

Random audience member whispers: who's that?  
><strong><br>*More silence***

Mrs D: DAMON! ANSWER!

Damon: Urgh. I'm not your future husband! But as it's one of the rare normal questions i'll answer...He's a prick. He threatens all our lives and the sooner he dies the better...

LFG: Yeah but he's great to look at. Talk about oooft.

Damon: ***Wounded pride***

Mrs D: ***DIsappears in a magical poof of smoke***

Damon: At least she's gone...Thought she was gonna kidnap me or something...

LFG: Stop moaning. She's just a girl. You're a vampire for god sake.

Damon: ***Mumbles almost inaudibly*** Stupid...Don't understand...Terrifying...

LFG: Anywayy...We have another new comer! Please welcome damonXelenaXforever!

damonXelenaXforever:** *Somersaults onto the stage*** I don't have a question as such but...Damon...You're hot...But you're an ass...

Damon: ***Sigh*** Your point?

damonXelenaXforever: I like it... ***Winks at Damon. Somersaults offstage***

Stefan: Why does everyone love him?

LFG: You're just jealous 'cause he's clearly the better brother...

Elena: NO HE'S NOT! STEFAN IS!

LFG: Like i said Elena...Bad liar...anyway, now your awake...I'd like to welcome back Pretty-Tweety for her question for Elena...Which was delayed because Elena was so rudely unconscious.

Elena: YOU THREW A BRICK AT MY HEAD! ... AGAIN!

LFG: No one cares. Anyway...

Pretty-Tweety: ***Rides in on a horse*** Elena, who's better looking? Damon or Stefan?

Elena: Urr...

***Long Pause***

LFG: And the silence says it all...

Elena: No! OBVIOUSLY DAMON! NO I MEANT STEFAN! I GET NAMES MIXED UP! I MEANT STEFAN!

LFG: You're not Ross Geller. YOu can't pull off the whole 'names get muddled in my head' thing. Doesn't work.

Pretty-Tweety: Heheheh...***Evil face. Rides offstage***

LFG: Hey why din't saint steffy react to th - ***Looks at Stefan who's staring after the horse* **Okaayyy thennn...Strange boy...

***Long pause***

LFG: Well...Due to Stefan's apparent blood lust...That's the end of another show...Please excuse any lack of humour as i'm tired...

Damon: That explains the aggression then...

LFG: Not really. I'm always aggressive. Anyway, before you so rudely interrupted ***Glares at Damon*** That concludes another show, thanks to all those who asked questions, and also, thankyou to the provider of the bricks... ***Smiles 'innocently' at Elena* **See you next time guys! 


	5. Chapter 5

LFG: Weelllcoommme back! Thanks again to everyone who alerted, favourited and/or reviewed...I seem to be writing a lot recently...Can you tell I'm enjoying this?

Stefan: Can you please untie me? The ropes are painful.

LFG: No.

Elena: What about me?

LFG: No. ***Sigh*** God, all you guys ever do is moan...Now before i get really angry again - we all know that never ends well - I'd like to welcome someone new to the stage...DramaDitz!

DramaDitz: ***Cartwheels onto the stage* **

LFG: ***Stares in amazement*** I like the shirt!

DramaDitz: ***Is wearing a shirt that says '****LFG ROCKS I WANT TO  
>HUG THE CRAP OUT OF HER BUT SHE IS ONE SCARY CRACK HOST!"* <strong>Thanks! I WOULD hug you...But i don't wanna be hit with a brick...

LFG: Ahh no worries, that's a special right reserved solely for Elena ***Evil grin***

Damon: You're such a sadist.

LFG: Maybe. ***Stakes Damon*** Hey that was fun...I guess i am...

Damon: AHH! What was that for?

LFG: You called me a sadist, only living up to the reputation you just forced upon me.

Stefan: Way to go Damon, now she's gonna be even worse.

LFG: ***Stakes Stefan's arm*** Don't try and predict what i'm gonna be. YOU DON'T CONTOL ME!

Elena: You have serious control issues...

LFG: ***Seething. Punches Elena.***

ELena: OW!

LFG: YOU'RE RUINING THIS FOR ME! ***Does some weird breathing stuff* **Okay, i'm calm again...Carry on DramaDitz...

DramaDitz: Firstly, Damon you are my favorite anti-hero and I think your very greatly underappreciated and ***Takes deep breath*** as much as I think your awesome, you do a very creepy eye bulging, eye brow wiggle thing that, in the real world, would be considered perverted and well just plain creepy. You do it all the time which I'm sure your adoring fans can tell you with great assertion that you do it in every single episode. Do you do it intentionally or do you not realize you seem to be doing it?

Damon: What...Eye bulgey thing? Oh thanks for making me your favourite but seriously? Eye bulge...No i don't...

Elena: You do a bit...

DramaDitz: YOU DO! For example when your angry you ***eye bulge*, **you flirt you ***eye bulge with an addition of a brow wiggle***, you're ready to kill you ***eye bulge***, you stare of into space you ***eye bulge***, you look annoyed you ***eye bulge***, you joke ***eye bulge with an eye brow wiggle thrown in sometimes*.**

Damon: Noo...That looks a bit creepy...I don't look that creepy...Do i..?

Stefan: Yeah.

LFG: SHUTUP STEFAN! NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU SAY, THINK OR DO! ***Pours some vervain on him***

DramaDitz: Not that I mind, 'cause it's sexy and undeniably a Damon trademark. ***Smiles at Damon***

Damon: Well...That makes it a little better but...I'M NOT CREEPY!****

LFG: Y'know. It's really tiring having to stake you both every five minutes. ***Stakes Damon's hands to the chair***

Damon: AHH! Well it's a lot harder BEING staked!

LFG: Maybe when it's Stefan being staked...But it hurts me greatly to stake you...

Damon: Stop doing it then!

LFG: Hmm...Naah.. ***Smiles Sweetly*** DramaDitz, anything else?

DramaDitz: YUP! Next I have to ask about that book Elena found in your room so conveniently when Rose was tragically dying of a wolf bite. I think it was wind in the willow or weeping willow, which ever, I could be wrong; anyways all I'm sure of is that it was a classic. Do you like to read when you're not off killing the innocent, or protecting Elena from the ancient supernatural? Or is it just a charade you put up to make people think your more than just a pretty face and an eternal stud.

Damon: Oh another Normal question...Well the book's quite old...I haven't actually read it in a few decades...Been busy killing and then when that stopped i was too busy protecting 'Lena over here. I guess i USED to like to read...

DramaDitz: Layers Damon, your just so full of them honestly I'm beginning to think you're an onion.

LFG: Okay, anymore questions for onion boy?

Damon: Onion boy? Seriously?

LFG: Yeah. ***Shrugs*** I'm making nicknames...

DramaDitz: Umm...You and Vicki did this sexy dance, well more like my eyes were on you  
>the whole time while you jumped on the table and showed off your abs.<p>

Damon: Naturally ***Smirk***

LFG: ***You know the drill. Stakes away.*** SHUT UP! SHE'S TALKING!

DramaDitz: Honestly, I wish Elena was up there with you dancing in nothing but her underwear and bra (yes, yes I have a perverted side, sue me...I don't mean that literally  
>-_-') letting lose with you like she did in Georgia. So here's my dare for<br>both Elena and Damon: Strip down and dance on the table together like in  
>episode 1x06 but with a lemony twist.<p>

Elena: ***Looks up at her name*** Huh?

Stefan: NO! NO NO NO NO NO!

LFG:** *Vervain darts Stefan. Now he's unconscious and can be forgotten for a while* **

Elena: What's going on?

LFG: ***Non-chalantly*** You have to strip down to your underwear, along with Damon and dance on the table together. ***Wiggly eyebrows* **

Elena: I can't do that!

LFG: You can...And look, Onion's already got his shirt off... (It was never mentioned him getting another one so he's probably been shirtless the entire time...phwoar...)

Damon: I'm not doing that...

LFG: You are. Or i'll tell annoying bitch here about your little compulsion, y'know. The one where you told her something then made her forget?

Damon: What are you - Ohhh...Okay...No need to do that...I'll...I'll do it...Just make sure Stefan doesn't find out...It would crush him...

LFG: Good ***Evil grin***

Elena: What! COmpulsion? What's going on here? Why's no one telling me anything? ANd how can i dance? I'm tied to a freaking chair!

LFG: GOod point. I don't trust you enough to let you go so Onion can just give you a little lap dance. Now, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT BECAUSE DRAMADITZ WANTS LEMONS!

ELena: No.

LFG: ***Somehow takes Elena's shirt so she's just sat in a bra and jeans*** THat'll do i guess...

ELena: I'll scream...

LFG: What kind of scream? ***Ohhh...Innuendo ;D * **

Damon: I feel really uncomfortable about this...

LFG: No one really cares...** *Removes Stakes from Damon's hands* **Now dance onion boy dance!

***Damon starts lap dancing Elena.***

LFG: They look so awkward.

***Everyone watches.***

LFG: Make it real!

***Damon and Elena start to get into it a bit more. Eventually there's a tad of molestation.*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Okay okay, that's enough. I draw the line at clothed frottage. SIt down Damon.<p>

Damon: ***Apprehensively sits. Crossing legs in an attempt to hide something***

Elena: ***Very red.*** Can i have my shirt back?

LFG: Maybe after Stefan wakes up ***Sneaky Grin***

DramaDitz: YAY! THAT. WAS. AWESOME! LFG...

LFG: Yeah?

DramaDitz: Stefan annoys the hell out of me sometimes with his  
>righteous attitude. Do me a favor and unnecessarily stake him a few times.<p>

LFG: I think I'm gonna get on well with you ***More evil smirking* **

DramaDitz: All Stefan has left to do to trash what little dignity he has left is to ... ***Begins whispering in LFG's ear* **

LFG: ***Grins devilishly*** That can be arranged. BRB! ***Runs off and drags Stefan with her. Returns Sometime later. Stefan's still unconscious and tied to the chair but is now wearing Pink tights, a bright pink tutu, some fruity lipgloss, a feather boa and no shirt. He's also covered in glitter.*  
><strong>  
>DramaDitz: <strong>*Squeals*<strong> THANKYOU! ***Takes a picture.*** My followers are gonna love this...

LFG: Hehehe...My nickname for Saint steffy is now Edward junior.

DramaDitz: Oh, I have a mind numbing question for Elena. Elena, would you believe someoneif they told you that Damon confessed he loved you but because he thinks he  
>doesn't deserve you, and thinks that Stefan does, he compelled you to forget<br>his confession? And the sweet, sweet kiss he gave you on your forehead and then  
>compelled you to forget with a tear-jerking single tear running down his<br>perfectly chiseled face and then returned the vervain necklace you mysteriously got  
>back. Would you believe it?<p>

Elena: No...But you have quite an imagination...

Damon: ***Awkward shuffling* **

LFG: How does she not get the hinting? ***Exasperated Face* **

DramaDitz: It'll probably take her a few commercials...Honestly, every single person who ever got compelled in TVD has gotten their memories back or some faint recollection of  
>it, but Elena, stubborn, hardheaded Elena can't remember Damon's<br>heart-wrenching confession. It sucks. Your horrible memory sucks Elena.** *Points accusingly at ELena*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Yeah ELENA! YOUR CRAPPY MEMORY! <strong>*Gets angry and throws another brick at Elena. I've lost count of how often she's been unconscious now...* <strong>Whoops. ***SHeepish grin*** Awell...She'll be fine...

Stefan: ***Begins to wake up from a vervain induced comatose state* **Wha - huh? What's going on? ***Looks at Elena* **WHERE'S HER SHIRT! WHY'S SHE KNOCKED OUT AGAIN!

LFG: ***Sighs as she stabs Stefan with numerous vervain covered stakes in various places. Again ignores his cries of pain* **

Stefan: OW! ***Looks down*** WHAT AM I WEARING? GAAAHH!

LFG: Shut up Edward junior, because this next thing concerns you.

Stefan: ***Looks up*** Fiiinneee...

DramaDitz: Stefan you're a sick bastard, the only reason you love Marley and Me is- besides your weird appetitefor chick flic; - is your equally sick appetite for adorable cute golden  
>Labrador retrievers. Tch Tch Tch, and they say you're the good one, where did all of the animal rights activists go when you need them the most?<p>

LFG: I KNOW! ***Runs off and returns with several animal rights activist who proceed to take away a screaming Stefan*** That's that problem solved.

DramaDitz: Now I have a final statement to say to Alaric.

LFG: Kaay...RIIIIIIIICCCCCC!

Alaric: ***Pops head round the curtain again*** Me?

LFG: Yeah. Come sit.

Alaric: ***Obediently sits 'cause he's smart and doesn't disobey LFG***

DramaDitz: I love you as the vampirehunter teacher who shamelessly parades around butt naked in his pupil's house while sleeping with their aunt, but who even more shamelessly neglects to tell the pupil you've also done their mom and that you narrowly missed becoming daddy dearest to the pupil you shamelessly flaunt your assets to. But I love you even more as the Klaus possessed creeper who stares at said pupil with most pure  
>unadulterated 'I'm-going-to-jump-you-at-any-moment-right-now-and-ravish-you' look,<br>while cutely but creepily - and once again shamelessly - requesting her a song and  
>asking for the last dance.<strong> *Laughs*<strong> I still love you.

Alaric: Urmm...Thanks? I think...? Wait...How does she know all this! Stangers can't know this! Oh god! ***Runs offstage in a panic***

LFG: Strange...Anyway, is that all?

DramaDitz: Yup...I'm gonna go find and stake Stefan several times now ***Runs off mischeviously*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Well, that's one less job i have to do...<p>

***Several minutes pass by***

LFG: Damon you're still shirtless.

Damon: Yup.

***Several more tension filled minutes***

LFG: You gonna stay shirtless?

Damon: As long as 'Lena is, yeah.

LFG: I'll make sure that girl never wears another shirt again...  
><strong><br>*Several more minutes***

LFG: Well to end this awkwardness...I'm gonna ask HeronRainwater to come onto stage!

HeronRainwater: ***Glides onto the stage* **Heyyy!

LFG: Hi! Who's your question for?

HeronRainwater: Jeremy.

LFG: JEREMY!

***No answer***

LFG: JEREMY GILBERT! COME TO THE STAGE!

***Nothing***

LFG: OMG! BONNIE'S DOING A POLE DANCE ON STAGE! BONNIE STOP! PEOPLE WILL SEE!

***Jeremy sprints so fast when he stops he kinda skids a bit and falls***

Jeremy: ***Very out of breath*** Bonnie? Wait...Bonnie's not here...where..YOU TRICKED ME!

LFG:** *Shrugs* **And your point is...? Now you're here. Sit. ***Pushes Jeremy onto a chair***

Jeremy: OMG! WHY'S MY SISTER TOPLESS AND DIED TO A CHAIR! WHAT KIND OF KINKY SHIT IS THIS!

LFG: I'd hit you...but you're adorable...So shut up or the already unconscious Elena will get another brick to her head.

Jeremy: ***Grumbles a lot but eventually shuts up***

HeronRainwater: MY TURN! Jeremy, where the hell do you keep disappearing to? Seriously!  
>It's like one second you're there, and then the next you're missing! And then<br>you turn up again and no-one seemed to notice your absence...

Jeremy: I got stuff to do...I can't always be th - Wait, no one notices i'm gone? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL! *Storms off in an rage 'cause he feels ignored*

LFG: Did he have a goldfish?

HeronRainwater: What...Why? ***Questioning face***

LFG: 'Cause if he did...It might've just died...THat could explain his unecessary outburst...He's probably in mourning the poor thing...

HeronRainwater: ***Concerned Face*** I'll go comfort him! ***Runs off. Shouts*** I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR GOLDFISH JER!

LFG: Hmmm...Or maybe he had a lizard and that died...** *Thoughtful face*** ANYWAY! I know we still have a question from Violet muse but this is the longest show yet, and i don't want people to get bored. So I'll visit that (And a statement from Kate882) next show! THanks for watching/Reading, Hopefully i'll see you all next time! ***Waves manically*  
><strong>**  
>P.S I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

LFG: Bonjourno my lovelies! I know i say this everytime but i am absolutely gobsmacked and amazed by all the positive reaction towards this fic, and as a note, I have many questions to answer so don't worry if yours aren't answered immediately the chapter after you ask them. All questions WILL be answered - It's just a matter of when...Anyway, time for the show!

ELena: Can i pleaaasse be untied? I've been like this since the previous show. What about human rights?

LFG: You get food don't you? You get water? What are you complaining about? It's not like we neglect you...

Elena: Both in a dog bowl though.

LFG: Oh shutup or it'll be much worse.

Elena: I don't see how it -

LFG: ***Interrupts her with a you-have-no-idea-what-i'm-really-capable-of-so-don't-even-try-me glare***

Elena: ***Shuts mouth***

Stefan: Can you at lease take the vervain of my ropes? You have no idea the pain i'm in.

LFG: You think we're stupid? If we give you normal ropes you'll rip them off with ease - or just escape during the rope switch.

Stefan: I just don't want -

LFG: SHutup or it's back in the Edward Cullen costume!

Stefan: ***Shuts up***

Damon: ***Is sat with an I-know-what's-good-for-me-so-i'm-not-gonna-complain face***

LFG: Now they know who's boss lets move one to some more questions! Please welcome back Violetmuse!

Violetmuse: ***Enters with Damon's shirt in her hands* **Damon's started to irritate me now, he can have this back... ***Throws the shirt towards Damon***

Damon: ***Looks at shirt*** Awell, whats one fan lost when there's millions more? ***Smug face***

Violetmuse: Precisely why you're starting to irritate me...I've actually decided that i'd like Stefan's shirt now...

LFG: That can be arranged if you want!

Violetmuse: Yay!

Stefan: ***Trying to disguise his evident excitement at having a fan* **She wants my shirt? Really?

Elena: Stefan! Why do you care! You have me!

Stefan: Well...yeah but...

ELena: ***If-you-carry-on-then-as-soon-as-i'm-untied-i'm-gonna-kill-you glare towards Stefan***

Stefan: ***Sigh*** Fine. Sorry violetmuse, you can't have my shirt.

LFG: ***Matter-of-factly*** Yes she can. Or have you forgotten you're tied to a chair with vervain covered ropes? ***Approaches Stefan***

Violetmuse: ***Happy face***

LFG: ***Attacks Stefan and manages to retrieve his shirt. Happily hands it to Violetmuse***

Violetmuse: THANKYOU! ***In the blink of an eye throws the shirt over her own clothes. Whispers something to LFG then runs offstage***

LFG: I like the way she thinks...DAMON! PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!

Damon: ***Suspicious*** Why?

LFG: Because.

Damon: No.

LFG: None of you learn do you? ***Stakes Damon's arms to the chair and his feet to the floor so he can't move. Somehow puts the shirt on him despite his arms being nailed down.***

Damon: OWWW! WTF?

LFG: It seems she altered your shirt and added several microneedles filled with vervain. You're being injected with vervain a little at a time. Enough to cause pain but not to knock you out completely. ***Sadistic face***

Damon: BUT YOU LOVE ME! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Regardless of my views towards you, it's what the readers ask of me that happens. I may control you but - in a sense - they control me.

Damon: I HATE THIS SHOW!

LFG: Oh and before i forget, another little request...***Walks up to and slaps Elena so hard that the chair falls.*  
><strong>  
>Elena: AHHH! <strong>*Is now lying sideways with the chair*<strong> WHAT WAS THAT FOR YOU LITTLE ******CENSORED******?

LFG: ***Laughs evily*** You know why...Time for another questionee! Kate8882, Come onto stage!

Kate882: ***Skips on whilst shouting 'I LOVE DAMON. STEFAN'S A LOSER' like a mantra. Stops when she reaches LFG* **HEY!

Stefan: Oh great. Another Damon obsessor.

LFG: ***Hands Kate882 several bricks.***

Elena: ***Scared face***

Kate882: ***Throws all the bricks at Stefan. So hard that the chair falls over backwards - He's now laying on his back like a helpless turtle* **HA!

LFG: Was that all?

Kate882:** *Thinks*** I KNOW! Can i kiss Damon? ***Excited face***

LFG: Urmm...Yeah sure...

Kate882: AWESOME! ***Runs up to an obviously scared/annoyed Damon* **

Damon: I really have no choice in this do i?

LFG: Do you ever?

Kate882: ***Does whatever she wants to do - keeping it remotely PG of course. Runs back to LFG with a massive smile* **

LFG: Questions?

Kate882: Yeah! Stefan...When will you die? Or at least run of with Kat?

Stefan: STOP ASKING ME TO DIE! AND I WILL NEVER RUN OFF WITH KAT, I HAVE NO ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS HER. AT ALL. CLEARLY!

Elena: You better not do.

LFG: Yeah, Stefan has about as many feelings towards Katherine as Elena does to Damon.

Elena: YOU LOVE KA - ***Realises what she's saying* **Wait...no...THat means you don't love Katherine, 'cause clearly i don't love Damon. At all...

Stefan: ...Yeah...and i don't love Katherine...

LFG: You two have issues. Big ones.

Kate882: Elena! When will you stop playing Stefan? He isn't even worth playing with.

Elena: Playing with him? I don't! I LOVE HIM!

LFG: Stop lieing to yourself Elena. It's getting tedious.

Elena: SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! JUST SHUT UP!

LFG: Annnd we've clearly hit a nerve there...

Kate882: Just admit your love for Damon!  
><strong><br>*Silence*  
><strong>  
>LFG: And she's ignoring us.<p>

Kate882: Win!

LFG: Agreed, i feel like Charlie Sheen with all this winning...

Kate882: D'you think Damon will turn me?

LFG: Ask 'im.

Damon: No. I am neither in love with you nor am i particularly bored.

Kate882: Humph. Awell, you'll be bored one day. And when you are, I'll be there. Waiting.** *Evil face***

LFG: She's as devious as me...

Kate882: I just remembered to more questions! They're for Alaric and Matt.

Alaric and Matt: ***Both walk in immediately, which means they must've been waiting nearby as Kate882 wasn't talking that loudly.***

LFG: Well some people are desperate for questions...

Kate882: Matt, why do you even like Caroline?

Matt: WHAT! I'M NOT STANDING FOR THIS! ***Storms off***

LFG: Why do all the men on this show act like such girls?

Kate: Annnd Ric...What's it like to be possessed?

Alaric: (Note - At this moment I'm making him un-possessed so he can answer as himself, not Klaus) Well it's weird, I don't remember any of it as one usually does with Posse -

LFG: ***Does the fake yawn thing***

Alaric: I'm sorry, am i boring you? ***Is clearly irritated***

LFG: Oh no, you're fascinating! I ALWAYS yawn when I'm interested.

Alaric: I know where i'm not wanted! ***Also storms off***

Kate882: Well...That's all! ***Skips off***

LFG: Now it's time for 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0!

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Walks on and picks Stefan's chair up so he's sitting upright* **Wow, stakes, bricks...crazy Damon fangirls...I feel for you Stefan.  
>Damon, not so much. <strong>*Shrug*<strong> Okay, so questions.

Stefan: Wow. Thanks.

Damon: Yeaahh...Like i care... ***Clearly cares a bit***

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0:: Stefan, I don't know if you can get this, seeing as you are tied to a chair, but here's a bunny. ***Produces a bunny which hops out her hands and proceeds to roam the stage***

Stefan: ***Watches the bunny longingly. Seems to be entranced by said bunny***

LFG: At least he'll be quiet for a bit...

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Magically produces and throws a T-shirt on that says 'I love Stefan'.*  
><strong>  
>Damon: Why!<p>

LFG: Why what?

Damon: Why love him?

LFG: ***Throws a bin at Damon.*** Be quiet.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Damon, are you hungry? ***points to back stage*** Becuase I have a friend back there who would really like to...meet you.

Damon: Well seen as miss I'm-a-host-and-i'm-gonna-act-like-a-complete-bitch over there hasn't fed me, yes i am hungry. As you can see i'm attached to this chair, can you bring her out for me?

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: One condition...You have to get your season one edge back, I can't stand the Elena longing Damon anymore...

Damon: What? Elena longing Damon? I don't long for her! If I wanted her i'd take her! But i haven't, so i obviously don't want her...And, I have NOT lost my edge! ***Goes into a massive rant that no one really listens to***

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Whatever you say dude. Oh LFG, can you tell Jeremy I'm sorry about his goldfish? Or lizard, or whatever?

LFG: Yeaahhh.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Starts to walk off. Stops. Turns round.*** Almost forgot, Elena, go sit in a corner.

Elena: ***Still ignoring everyone***

LFG: ***Sighs. Walks over to Elena and puts her chair upright***

Elena: Oh thanks.

LFG: ***Wordlessly drags her chair over to a corner and positions her facing the corner***

Elena: HEY! NOW I CAN'T SEE ANYONE!

LFG: And no one can see you. Win.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Thanks! ***Happily leaves* **

LFG: damonXelenaXforever! Come on out!

damonXelenaXforever: ***Walks onto stage*** Can i ask Katherine a question please?

Stefan, Damon and Elena: WHAT?

LFG: KATTHHEERIINNEE!

Katherine: ***After about 10 minutes struts onto stage* **What? I was busy killi - ***Spots Elena* **HA! THE BITCH IS IN A CORNER!

damonXelenaXforever: Anyway, Katherine, who's hotter, you or Elena?

Katherine: Clearly it's me.

Elena: BUT WE LOOK THE SAME!

Katherine: Yeah but i can pull it off. ***Moves at vamp speed up to Elena, bites her then runs off*  
><strong>  
>Elena: AHH! THE BITCH BIT ME!<p>

LFG: Your point?

Stefan: ELENA!

LFG: Oh calm down. She'll be fine, and if she isn't she'll be dead. ***Shrugs*** I don't care either way.

Stefan: YOU CRUEL LITTLE -

LFG: ***Injects Stefan with an extremely large quantity of vervain so he's knocked out* Finally**...

Elena: ***Is complaing but no one's listening.***

Damon: ***Is still ranting about whatever it was he was ranting about earlier*  
><strong>  
>damonXelenaXforever: BYE! <strong>*Runs away*<strong>

LFG: *Looks at Stefan, Damon and Elena* These lot are so hard to work with... ***Sigh* **Anywhoo, Please welcome Mrs-damon-darco-liono-potter, or better yet, Mrs-D to the stage!

Mrs-D: ***Walks on. Looks at Damon*** What's he talking about?

LFG: No one really cares. DAMON SHUT UP!

Damon: ***Still ranting to himself***

LFG: ***Stakes Damon* **

Damon: AHH! WHAT?

LFG: Shut up will ya? Mrs-D wants to say something.

Mrs-D: okay i have more questions! but first I wanna say something to Damon my love, Damon you were really rude to me the last time i was here and it broke my heart but dont worry i still love you, more every minute! ***hands over a bunch of red roses to him* **and my question for you is what do you think about my sweetheart Ian smoulder holder!

Damon: ***Is holding the roses*** Who?

LFG: ***Whips out her phone and shows Damon several pictures of the wonderful human being that's Ian*  
><strong>  
>Damon: What do i think? Well he could be me...<p>

LFG: And?

Damon: Well I'm clearly hotter...I don't know much else about him...

LFG: ***Shows Damon Ian's twitter page***

Damon: ISF? What the hell...Why's he always trying to make the world a better place? What a -

LFG: ***Whacks Damon round the head with a shovel* **DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM YOU PENIS!

Mrs-D: ELENA!

Elena: *Extremely pissily* What?

Mrs-D: i want you to describe Damon's beauty.

Elena: I want never gets.

LFG: ***Goes up to Elena and holds up several bricks to her*** But violence does. Now talk!

Elena: Urm...Well..His beauty? Well i guess he's handsome...Clearly lots of girls think so...

LFG: Including you? ***Raised eyebrow***

Elena: No...Yeah...no...Well yeah okay, but i'd be stupid not to notice...I mean i guess i do l- WAIT NO! STOP MAKING ME TALK ABOUT HIM! ***Kicks LFG***

LFG: ***Sees nothing but a red hot flash of rage* Oh no you didn't. *Violently pummels Elena to the ground. Then feeds her some vamp blood so she can heal. Attacks her again. This cycle continues for a bit until LFG is bored. Walks back to the front of the stage.* **Phew, sorry about that...

Mrs-D: It's okay, I wanted to ask Stefan something, but it can wait...BYeee! ***Exits the stage***

LFG: Now it's time for newcomer Salvatore-0247! Come on up hunni!

Salvatore-0247: ***Strolls in*** Hiya guys! Damon, Why don't you go tell Elena you love her already?

LFG: And don't make her forget this time.

Damon: Never. There's no point is there? My brother deserves her and it's not like -

LFG: ***Stakes Damon***

Damon: What? I answered!

LFG: Yeah, but as i said to Alaric and Elena before. Don't go telling me all about your feelings and stuff 'cause it's not interesting. Plus, it takes away from your bad-ass reputation, which is already waning...

Damon: Hurumph.

Salvatore-0247: My next question's for Stefan...

LFG: ***Looks at Stefan*** Hmm..We'll wait!

***An unknown period of time later Stefan awakes from his vervain induced coma a little confused.* **

Salvatore-0247: Stefan, Why d'you eat so many innocent bunnies?

Stefan: Bunny? Where? ***Looks around but the bunny previously let loose is gone***

Salvatore-0247: No you idiot, why d'you eat innocent bunnies?

Stefan: ***Thinks for a moment* **Why d'you eat innocent sheep, pigs, fish and other animals?

Salvatore-0247: I don't. I'm vegetarian. (Probably isn't, but it works :L )

Stefan: ***Silence***

LFG: POWNED! (Yes, Powned)

Salvatore-0247: I have something for Elena but it's more of a statment. PICK THE BETTER BROTHER! ***Runs away***

Elena: FGS! I DON'T LOVE DAMON! I HAVE PICKED THE BETTER BROTHER!

LFG: ***Snigger*** Course you have. Anyway, we have one last guest on today's show, Pretty-Tweety!

Pretty-Tweety: ***Roly-Poly's onto stage* **It's good to be back! Damon, have you ever walked on Stefan and Kat doing 'you know what'?

Damon:** *Shudders* **Luckily, no. I'd probably have to kill myself if i EVER saw Stefan doing...that...Seeing his naked body? No. Thankyou.

LFG: THat's more like the old Damon!

Pretty-Tweety: Okkkaayy then...Elena, have you ever pretended to be Katherine?

Elena: ***Shouts*** WHY WOULD I WANNA PRETEND TO BE THAT BITCH?

LFG: 'Cause she's better then you? If you were Katherine i wouldn't abuse you, 'cause i actually like her...

Elena: WHY?

LFG: Urm, hellloo...she hates you?

Elena: ***Mumbles obscenities again***

Pretty-Tweety: Okay, one , what was the worst thing you caught Damon doing?

Stefan: Hmmm... ***Thinks*** I know! Once back in 1973 -

Damon: ***Growls* **Don't. You. Dare.

Stefan: Why not?

Damon: Because it will be the last thing you do.

Stefan:Fine, let's just say: Toilet brush; ropes; wasabi; ice cubes and inflatable butt plugs.

Damon: ***He's-actually-going-to-exlode kinda face***

LFG: Right, before Damon exlodes, that concludes another show! Massive thanks to everybody who asks questions, i hope to see you all again! 


	7. Chapter 7

LFG: Welcome back, things have changed recently. Due to new circumstances, Elena, Stefan and Damon have agreed to behave - somewhat anyway. Which means that they're no longer tied to and/or staked to their chairs. Although there are stakes, bricks and vervain on hand should they be necessary. First however, please welcome my new co-host. Katherine Pierce, formerly known as Katerina Petrova!

Katherine: ***Struts on* **

LFG: Also, due to safety reasons, we must warn the audience. Katherine's prescence also means that Klaus is lurking around within the vicinity, stay in packs. Also, if you look under your seats you'll find some stakes, they won't kill him but they'll buy you time should anything...urm...happen, carry them wherever you go! Anyways, Questions!

Katherine: Yeah, so some kid called TeamRamon's coming on...Be nice...or not. I don't really care either way...

LFG: ***Glares at Katherine*** You can bully the TVD cast, as you already have, but NOT my audience or reviewers.

Katherine: And who are you to stop me?

LFG: I have Klaus on speed dial, I'm in kahootes with him so i wouldn't try anything.

Katherine: Whatever, TEAM RAMON! WHERE FOR ART THOU?

TeamRamon: ***Apprehensively walks onto stage - Trying to ignore Katherine's glare* **I have a question for Damon...

Damon: Okay shoot. Just not with wooden bullets.

TeamRamon: What was Rose to you? Like, what did you feel for her?

Damon: She was a friend, I mean it sucked a whole lot when that werewolf bit her and junk but ***Shrugs*** That's life isn't it? Oh yeah, and she was hot and spectacular in the sack. ***Smirks***

LFG: That's more like the old Damon! ***Jumps up and down clapping*** Yay!

Elena: ***Uncomfortable face***

TeamRamon: That's all ***Smiles. Runs off* **

LFG: And next i'd like to welcome back Violetmuse!

Violetmuse: ***Skips on happily. Oblivious to Katherine's death stare* **Hiiaaa!

LFG: Hiii!

Violetmuse: ***Walks up to Damon*** You see...last time i was here, Stefan wasn't afraid of my affections. Unlike you. Mr Damon Salvawhore. ***Casually walks back to LFG* **

LFG: ***Can't stop laughing at the 'Salvawhore'. Is literally on the floor laughing***

Violetmuse: ***Looks at LFG*** I guess i'll have to ask Katherine to do this then, now, due to my now liking Stefan, i dislike it when everyone's mean to him.

Katherine: ***sigh*** And?

Violetmuse: Well, as for Damon, how about you ***Whispers to Katherine***

Katherine: ***Evil smirk*** I'll return shortly... ***Leaves***

***Everyone stands awkwardly for a bit, except LFG who's still laughing***

Katherine:** *Comes back with a few hundred pieces of paper.*** Hey Damon, come have a read...NOW.

Damon: ***Hesitantly walks to Katherine and begins reading. His expression slowly changes to terror*** His WHAT in my WHAT! WHO WROTE THIS! ***Looks around accusingly*** AND THIS! AND THIS! OMFG!

Violetmuse: Quite a few different people actually...

Damon: ***Drops the papers and looks at them like they're gonna kill him.* **No...no no no no no! ***Begins hitting his head on a while*** Must. Erase. Images. Now. ***Carries on and will do for the forseeable future*  
><strong>  
>Violetmuse: That was fun, thanks Katherine.<p>

Katherine: S'okay.

Violetmuse: ***Runs off somewhere***

***Several minutes of silence***

Random audience member: What's going on? I'm bored!

Katherine:** *Glares at the audience pissily*** Don't blame me! It's HER ***Points to LFG*** job! NOT mine.

***More silence.***

LFG: ***Suddenly stops laughing and stands up with a deadly serious face* **That was evil ***Looks at Damon***

Katherine: But funny...

LFG: Yeah, and slash is kinda hot... ***Begins gathering up all the paper and puts them in a magically appearing bag*  
><strong>  
><strong>*Everyone looks at LFG strangly*<strong>

LFG: DON'T JUDGE ME! Humph. Heyy Kat, just wanna say, thanks for not biting, killing and/or maiming violetmuse.

Katherine: No problem. I quite like her. She clearly has a sadistic streak, much like you and i actually.

LFG: I agree. Anyway we have more questions! Salvatore-0247!

Salvatore-0247: ***Walks on*** It's more of a dare then a question...

LFG: That's fine

***At this point Damon returns to his chair* **

Salvatore-0247: Okay, I dare Elena to kiss Damon...

Elena: NO!

Damon: ***Shows hurt for about a second before reverting to his facade of indifference***

LFG: Why not? It's just a dare...Doesn't mean anything...

Katherine: The only reason you'd have a problem is because you might be scared you'd actually like it...

Elena: Well...No, i don't wa - but...Urgh. FINE!** *Storms over to Damon and angrily kisses him on the lips before returning to her seat*  
><strong>  
>Katherine, Damon and LFG: That was shit.<p>

LFG: Try again. Properly

Damon: Seriously Elena? You call that a kiss?

Katherine: You scared or something?

Damon: Or are you a lesbican?

LFG: A lesbican? Don't you mean 'lesbian'?

Damon: No. Keith Lemon says Lesbican. I think it sounds pretty hilaar.

LFG: ***FacePalm***

Katherine: ELena! Try again!

Elena: FINE! ***Storms over to Damon and plays a bit of tonsil tennis before going back to her seat.*  
><strong>  
>Damon: Okay, you're not a lesbican. Just had to be sure <strong>*Winks at Elena*<strong>

Katherine: Her heartbeats pretty fast isn't it?

ELena: ***Ignores the comment and is clearly very pissy* **

LFG: Salvatore-0247, any thing else?

Salvatore-0247: ***Produces several killer squirells and proceeds to throw them at Stefan before running off*  
><strong>  
>Stefan: Ahh! OMFG! GET OFF YOU <strong>*Elongated fangs vampire face that he really can't pull off*<strong> I SWEAR DOWN I'LL... ***Kills the squirells***

Elena: Oh...my..god.. ***Horrified expression* **Those...poor...Squirells... ***Starts crying***

Stefan: Shit, Elena I -

Elena: ***Produces a high pitched wailing and runs off, Closely followed by Stefan***

LFG: Well that was...weird...anyway, next up we have...Kate882!

Kate882: ***Walks on menacingly. Stakes Damon as she walks bye* **

Damon: AHHH! YOU BITCH!

Kate882: That's for not turning me.

***Stefan broodily walks back on. And huffily sits down***

LFG: What's your beef?

Stefan: Elena won't talk to me.

LFG: Maybe she finally realised who she really wanted.

Stefan: ***Death glare***

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Only speaking the truth. Anyway, Kate882, you want anything else?

Kate882: *Nods Enthusiastically before throwing several bricks at Stefan*

Stefan: FFS! DO I NOT HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS? ***Punches a wall before storming out***

Kate882: ***Sadistic smirk*** I also have a question for Jeremy...

Katherine: JEEREEEMMMYYY! GET YOUR LITTLE ARSE OUT HERE NOW!

Jeremy: ***Sulkily walks onstage***

Katherine: Why are all the men on this show suly little SOB's?

LFG: ***Shrugs* **Clearly nothing to do with the treatment we give them...Ask away Kate882...

Kate882: Jeremy, do you still have feeling for Vicki?

Jeremy: Feelings of sorrow, pity and regret yes. Feelings like you mean, no.

LFG: Well that was boring, I know! ***Shouts*** BONNIE! JEREMY JUST SAID HE STILL LOVES VICKI!

***A few seconds go by. An explosion is heard somewhere nearby***

Jeremy: SHIT! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!

LFG: I like you and all but that was a really boring answer, thought i'd spice it up a bit...

Jeremy: ***Sprints off in search of Bonnie***

Kate882: ***Follows Jeremy 'cause she thinks it'll be funny* **

Katherine: ***Looks at LFG*** I gotta say, I always thought you were a whiny little bitch...but i like your style...

LFG: Thanks...I think? Well, time for more quesions! Mrs-D Come to the stage!

Mrs-D: ***Runs on and majorly glomps Damon. After several minutes releases him and walks to LFG*** Okay, Damon, in you're long existence, have you ever been to Pakistan? If not you should come...And visit me... ***Smiles sweetly***

Damon: I'm not sure...I've been a lot of places, so probably...If i'm passing by i might see you...you'd make a good travelling snack...

Mrs-D: STEFAN!

Stefan: ***Cautiously comes back*** ...Yes?

Mrs-D: Tell the truth...are you attracted to your brother and have you ever 'dreamt' about him?

Stefan: ***And the horrified face returns* **EW! NO! OMG! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? ***Punches a wall AGAIN before storming out AGAIN***

Katherine: He always was sensitive...

LFG: He's an idiot...Anyway, anything else?

Mrs-D: I was going to ask Elena what she's written in her diary about Damon but...

LFG: But nothing! I have it right here! ***Produces Elena's diary* **Would you like to do the honours Katherine?

Katherine: Gladly. ***Opens diary at a random page*** _Damon kind of kidnapped me today, somehow we ended up in Georgia. I was hesitant at first but - and don't ask how - I endedup staying with him. It was fun. Well that's an understatement, it was fabulous, probably the best day i've had in a long time. I just felt so connected to him, and whenever our hands accidently brushed or our eyes met it was just...Breathtaking, mesmerising and completely undescribably. Oh and I'm a whiny bitch who doesn't deserve either brother because i stole them off Katherine, who is extremely superiour to me and i want nothing but to be her._

LFG: *Takes the diary* Well it's all true, except for that last part...

Katherine: She was just too scared to document the last part...

Mrs-D: ***Steals Elena's diary and runs off with it***

Damon:** *Nostalgic face...Note :- He zoned out after the mention of Georgia and therefore heard nothing of the rest of the entry***

Mrs-D: ***Runs back in* **I nearly forgot! Katherine, don't you feel bad for what you did to Damon?

Katherine: No, why should i? Has he not done the exact same thing to several other women?

Mrs-D: YOU NASTY LITTLE **!I WANNA RIP YOU APART WITH MY BARE HANDS! ***Kicks Katherine in the shin before running away***

Katherine: She has guts. God help her if she comes near me again.

LFG: Time for more questions...DramaDitz!

DramaDitz: ***Comes out smirking*** This show's very violent, and Stefan's like the punching bag...I like it *Sadistic smile* I have something better then stakes though... ***Whips out a Stefan voodoo doll and an endless supply of mini stakes*  
><strong>  
>LFG: AWESOME! <strong>*Grabs Stefan doll and stakes him in the abdomen*<strong>

***A few seconds later, a rather lout 'OW! WTF IS GOING ON!' is heard from backstage***

LFG: YAY THEY WORK!

DramaDitz: They do...And if you ever need a right-hand man to whip the TVD crew into shape, feel free to summon me... ***A box full of voodoo dolls, one for each cast member appears out of nowhere* **I'd be happy to help. ***Gives a dark smile***

LFG: I love how evil the majority of reviewers are...

DramaDitz: I love Vampire diaries, but the already violent nature of this has made me a bit twisted...

LFG: I assume you have questions?

DramaDitz: Yeah, Katherine...You say you love Stefan...Why Stefan? Why not Damon?

Katherine: I could ask you the same about why you apparently favour Damon...And anyway, Damon's not the settle down type, besides, we clash way too much...We're just to similar in our personality.

DramaDitz: Okay, fair do's, but who's better in bed? Since you sampled both specimens so shamelessly?

Katherine: Damon. Clearly. I think anyone could've guessed that answer.

Damon: Win.

DramaDitz: My next one's are for Caroline and Matt.

LFG: CAROLINE! MAATTHEWW! STAGE! NOW!

***Caroline and Matt walk in. Caroline has her arm round Matt who appears slightly uncomfortable***

DramaDitz: How is it being a vampire? What do you like most about it and what could you live without besides the whole blood drinking issue?

Caroline: Well, it has it's ups and downs...I like the power, like the speed, i think that's really cool...But i don't like that i have to keep it a secret...It's awful that I can't tell my mum or Ma - ***Tenses*** CRAP! ***Looks into Matt's eyes*** I am not a vampire. You are not afraid.

Matt: ***Is still on vervain*** You are not a vampire. I am not afraid.

Caroline: Phew...Well, i think i could live without the secrecy, it absolutely kills me.

DramaDitz: I have to say, you're kick ass as ***Looks at Matt*** what you are now, you've matured a lot.. ***Smiles at Caroline*** Are you still angry at Tyler for  
>what happened when Jules kidnapped you?<p>

Caroline: No not really, lately i've been trying to start again with things. Forgive and forget y'know?

DramaDitz: Okay, If Matt were to betray you by pretending to like you, what would you do?

Matt: ***Looks up***

Caroline: I wouldn't have to think about that, because Matty-kins would never pretend to like me. ***Sideways hugs Matt***

LFG: Oh no...

DramaDitz: Hmmm. My next questions are for Matthew.

Katherine: Oh she used his full name - albeit only his first name, but still...

LFG: She means business...

DramaDitz: You really, really, really, really make me want to hurl something at you. You make me very sad, Matt. The more Caroline is happy with you, the more depressing it just all gets. Conspiring with her mom behind her back, that is omg just… disappointing. She'll jump off a cliff for you but if the coin were to flip you'd be the one to push her off, am I right?

Matt: ***Tenses***

Caroline: ***Looks at Matt with an extremely hurt expression* **Wait...What? What does she mean Matt?

Matt: ***Looks down***

Caroline: ***Eyes start watering*** Honey?

Matt: ***Silently gets up and walks out***

Caroline: MATT! ***Follows him***

DramaDitz: Whoops...Awell...When's Stefan coming back? My next one's for him...

LFG: STEFAANNN!

***No answer***

Katherine: STEFAN!

***No answer***

LFG: ***Picks up the Stefan voodoo doll and stakes it in each arm***

Stefan: AHHH!

LFG: NOW COME WHEN WE CALL YOU!

Stefan: ***Pissily walks onto stage and sits in his chair.***

DramaDitz: Stefan. ***Takes the voodoo doll off LFG and advances dangerously on Stefan* **

***At this point a red nosed, puffy eyed Elena walks in and sits down* **

DramaDitz: I want you to be honest….When you were stuck in the cave with Katherine did you ever wish you would've given into her advances…? Was she your first? Do you find her attractive?

Stefan: ***Major sigh*** Why would i wish that? You stupid child.

LFG: I'm warning you Stefan!

Stefan: Yes, she was my first. Unlike my Damon i didn't whore around.

Damon: You make it seem like a bad thing brother ***Smirk***

Stefan: And no, she isn't att -

LFG: STOP RIGHT THERE! That's clearly a lie. If Katherine isn't attractive to you then that means Elena isn't either, and you obviously find her attractive or you wouldn't constantly bone her. This proves that you continuously lie about your feelings for Katherine, does it not?

Stefan: ***Decides to be petulant and starts ignoring everyone***

LFG: He's always so sulky...

DramaDitz: I have a question for Jeremy next...

LFG: JEREMY! I REALISE YOU'RE PROBABLY HAVING A BITCH FIT WITH THE WITCH RIGHT NOW BUT UNLESS YOU GET HERE RIGHT NOW I'LL MAKE IT PAINFUL FOR BOTH OF YOU. SCREW THE POWER OF OVER 100 DEAD WITCHES. I HAVE 1000 STORED BACKSTAGE JUST INCASE!  
><strong><br>**Jeremy:** *Within 5 minutes is standing on stage*** I'm still not happy.

DramaDitz: You've dated two vampires, and now a witch. Say Bonnie was out of thepicture; dead, dumped, maimed, not born, whatever floats your boat. Who would be on your dating hit list next?

Jeremy: ***Looks around*** I can't answer.

LFG: ANd why the hell not?

Jeremy: Because i don't want to be castrated. Anyway, it'd probably be no one...'Cause i don't really feel for anyone else...but i suppose - knowing my luck - if i DID, she'd end up being a werewolf or something.

DramaDitz: And...sorry about your dead fish-lizard...it happens all the time, don't worry it's not your fault you have bad luck with girlfriends and pets… ***Awkward silence*** … at least you're still hot ***Smiles***

LFG: You can go now Jeremy, btw, sorry about eaelier...

Jeremy: ***Is gone in less then a second.***

Damon: Well someone's whipped...

LFG: Wouldn't you be if you were with someone who had the power of over 100 dead witches? ***Raised eyebrow* **

Damon: No. I'm Damon Freaking Salvatore. Of course not.

LFG: Well...As much as i hate to end it, this is the longest chapter so fair so i'm gonna leave the rest of DramaDitz's questions till next time, apologies to damonXelenaXforever and 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0, who'll have to wait till next chapter for their questions. Bye guys! Oh, and watch out for Klaus! 


	8. Chapter 8

LFG: More reviews? Thanks so much guys! It seriously makes my day reading them all...Enough from me...Lets get on with the show!

Katherine: Do we have to?

LFG: ***Glares at Katherine*** Yes. We do. No shush because DramaDitz has more questions. I'm sure that from wherever she is right now she magically heard her name and will soon be arriving.

DramaDitz: ***Runs on* **You're right i did! ***Looks around* **Where's everyone else?

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Not sure...

Katherine: Then how are we gonna do a sho -

LFG: DON'T SAY IT! We WILL do the show...They'll come back...Eventually...

DramaDitz: Since they're not here can i ask my question for Elijah?

LFG: Course you can sweetie...ELIJAH!

Elijah: ***Walks on casually*** You called?

DramaDitz: She did...I have a question...Would you ever consider pursuing Elena romantically?

Elijah: Well i never really thought about it before but... ***Goes quiet for several minutes***

LFG: Urm...Elijah?

Elijah: ***Holds up his hand in a 'shush' kinda way*** Thinking...

***More silent minutes***

LFG:** *Whispers to Katherine and DramaDitz*** What do we do?

Elijah: ***Contemplative face. Eventually stands up without a word and leaves***

LFG: ***Still whispering*** Is it safe to breathe again?

DramaDitz: I think...Where'd he go?

LFG: Maybe to 'pursue'?

Katherine: ***Sighs*** You humans are pathetic...Anyway, was there anything else?

***Elena drives across the stage in a motorised golf cart***

LFG: What the hell?

Katherine: Ditzy cow probably doesn't know the shows started.

Elena: ***Drives back across but stops halfway and looks at the audience.*** Urm...am i late?

Katherine: ***Totally unimpressed*** Yes. Well done. Now you've pointed out the obvious how about getting out that ridiculous cart and doing the show you're paid to do?

Elena: I'm not paid...

LFG: The payment is you live...Now, I'm trying very hard not to punch something right now, so PLEASE just sit down and SHUT UP!

Elena: ***Awkwardly gets out the golf cart and sits down***

DramaDitz: That's good timing because my next question's actually for Elena and Katherine...Well, more of a demand... ***Smiles sweetly***

Elena and Katherine: Urrrghhh.

DramaDitz: I want you both to Say or do one positive thing about/to each other and do/say one bad thing.

LFG: Let's start with the good thing...Katherine, want to start?

Katherine: ***Thinks for a bit*** I know! *Leaves and returns with a paper bag which she puts over Elena's head* There! See...I can do good things...

Elena: ***Rips the bag off her head*** Explain how this is a GOOD thing?

Katherine: Now you won't be able to scare yourself by looking in mirrors - That hair of yours is really bad...

LFG: ***Warily looks at Elena*** Well, I think that can count as a good AND bad thing? Which means Elena, it's your turn...

Elena: I guess i'll get the good thing out the way first...I guess..urm...you have a nice...urrmmm...face?

Katherine: A nice face? Seriously?

Elena: And bad thing? Well you're a pathetic, caniving, scheming little bitch who selfishly uses others and no one can really stand to be around.

Katherine: ***Shrugs*** Your opinion means very little to me. Now, if that's all? ***Looks at DramaDitz*  
><strong>  
>DramaDitz: No. I have one final question for Alaric and Damon.<p>

Katherine: ***Looks around*** Yeahhh but it doesn't look like they're here. Shame. You should go now.

LFG: Katherine. I'm warning you. ALAARIICCC!

Alaric: ***Walks on*** Hmmm?

LFG: One down one to go. Now, wait there! ***Runs off***

Alaric: Why am i here?

Katherine: Shush. Don't ask questions. That's not your job.

***A lot of banging and shouting is heard***

Elena: What's going on?

LFG:** *From Backstage*** YES YOU WILL BLOODY WELL COME WITH ME! I HAVE A SHOW TO BROADCAST AND I WILL NOT BE SHOWN UP BY AN EGOTISTICAL VAMPIRE WITH A MAJOR MAN WHORE COMPLEX!

***A few minutes later LFG comes on dragging Damon by his ear and shoves him into a chair* **

LFG: Good. Now that Damon's decided to grace us with his prescence shall we continue?

DramaDitz: Alaric, Damon, you two tend to share a lot of screen time together and have great chemistry. Do you guys consider each other friends? Do I sense a budding bromance? You two are just too cute for words.

Damon: No.

Alaric: ***At the same time*** Yes.

Alaric and Damon: ***Look at eachother*** Really?

Alaric: Yeah...In a sort of weird dysfuntional family kind of way...

Damon: Okay...You're a sort of friend...Afterall...You were a great wingman; even i can't deny that.

Alaric: I wouldn't go as far to say Bromance...Damon may wrongly interpret that to mean he's homosexual...

Damon: And clearly i'm not...Oh and...***Looks at DramaDitz*** DId you seriously just call us CUTE?

LFG: ***Sigh*** Yes Damon. She did. Don't get your knickers in a twist.

DramaDitz: Ha! Knickers! Damon in knickers is a sight many would love to see... ***Sniggers***

Damon: ***Death glare directed at DramaDitz***

DramaDitz: Okay...So i'm gonna go now before he kills me... BYE! ***Runs off* **

LFG: Okay...Now we have more people on stage, let's welcome 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0!

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Walks on*** First of all, I'd like to say thanks for putting Elena in a corner. It was funny.

Elena: Was. Not.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Ignores Elena*** Damon, you are SO longing for Elena. You haven't got her yet because you want her friendship and mushy crap. I mean, come on. Just drain chick already.

Elena: What?

Damon: Use your brain, why would i spend all this time trying to protect her if i was just going to drain her?

LFG: She's gotta point though Damon...When you first met her that's all you were gonna do...What changed?

Damon: ***Snarl*** If any of you were smart, you'd STOP talking to me about drinking from Elena.

Elena: ***Shifts uncomfortably***

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0:Okay then, why don't you go run off with Katherine? I don't care if she's a bitch! I mean, why spend all that time working to get her free to only switch to Elena. You are confusing. This is why I'm not your fan.

Damon: ***Is clearly using all his restraint not to kill someone*** I don't LOVE Katherine. She's a caniving bitch who can't be trusted. My love for her died the day i found out she wasn't in the tomb. And honestly, i don't care whether you're my fan or not, You mean nothing to me.

LFG: That's harsh Damon.

Damon: You think i care? I could rip out all your throats in a heartbeat, why would i care what you think?

Katherine: Not mine Damon.

Damon: Clearly i wasn't talking to you, was i?

LFG: That's enough you two, 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0, anything else?

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Elena, I don't feel like bothering with you. I know! Why don't you let me cut your hair off? It'll be fun...

Elena:** *Covers hair protectively*** NO!

Katherine: It would be an improvement...

LFG: Okay guys...No hair cutting...

Katherine: ***Sigh***

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Fiinnee...Katherine, did you ever love Elijah, even a little bit?

Katherine: No...How could i have loved him truly anyway? 100's of years ago i believed love was only true if it was reciprocated, and ELijah didn't believe in love. And now, I no longer believe in love...So i guess not...

LFG: Woah...That was...unexpected...

Katherine: Ohhh bug surprise. The 500 year old emotionless vampire used to have feelings! Ohhhh!

LFG: Okay, calm down. Anything else 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0?

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: I have something to say to Alaric, Klaus and Elijah...

LFG: Okay...ALAARIICCC! ELIJAAAHH!

Alaric and Elijah: ***Both enter***

LFG: ***Speed dials Klaus*** Yep...Sorry...Yes now...No...Okay...Sorry... ***Puts phone down* **He'll be here soon...

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Elijah, I'm happy your back, you have way more edge then Damon does.

Elijah: Thanks. Can i leave now?

LFG: Sure...

Elijah: ***Is gone***

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Alaric, here's a stake gun.** *Hands it to him*** Go nuts.

Alaric: ***Takes it*** Really?

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Yeah...Do you not have loads of these? You seem very excited...

Alaric: Yes but someone ***Glares at LFG*** confiscated them... ***Shoots Damon in the leg and runs off laughing manically***

LFG: And he wonders why...

Damon: ***Snarls and removes the stake. Runs off after Alaric* **

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Can i ask Bonnie a question next?

Katherine: Oh joy...

LFG: Sure...Wait! Isn't she going to kill me?

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: What for?

LFG: Everything! I'll be back when she's gone! ***Runs off* **

Elena: Bonnniieee!

Katherine: Hey, who put you in charge?

Bonnie:** *Glides on with amazing witchy power stuff*** Hello.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Okay, Bonnie, do you ever use your powers to help out around the house?

Bonnie: It never occured to me before but actually...That's a really good idea...Thanks! ***Hugs 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0 before floating away again.*  
><strong>  
><strong>*From backstage we can here Stefan shouting Elena. He then walks on stage, points at Elena and shouts 'FOUND YOU!'*<br>**  
>Elena: What?<p>

Stefan: Weren't we playing hide and seek? 

ELena: No? I'm not 5...

Stefan: ***Silence*** Oh.

LFG: ***From Backstage*** IS SHE GONE YET!

Katherine: Yes.

LFG: ***returns*** Phew...

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: My next thing's actually for Stefan so that was good timing...Stefan, sorry about the bunny. Ugh...here's a book? ***Hands him a book*** Maybe you can eat the paper.

Stefan: What? No, but i'll read it... ***Starts reading the book***

***Klaus walks on***

LFG: AH! Oh..I mean...Hello Klaus...Please sit down...

Katherine: LFG, you're pathetic...

LFG: No...I'm scared...There's a difference...

Klaus: ***Sits down next to Elena*** Hello Miss. Gilbert.

Elena: ***Freezes***

Stefan: ***Too busy reading to even notcie Klaus' presence***

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Anyway, Klaus, I may be suicidal for saying this, but, you have quite a female look about you. I think it's the blonde hair...Well, the past you anyways.

Klaus: ***Ignores her***

Katherine: Klaus?

Klaus: I see no point in acknowledging 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0. Especially since the only thing she said is rather insulting...She can leave now.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Urmm...Okay... ***Backs out slowly***

LFG: Okaayy then...damonXelenaXforever, please come on out!

damonXelenaXforever: ***Walks out. Looks at Klaus* **That's good because my question's actually for you...Who would you kill first, Damon or Stefan, and why?

Klaus: ***Thinks*** Well on the basis of suffering, I'd probably torture Stefan whilst Damon watched, unable to help or protect his younger brother, I'd then do the same to Damon. At least that way they'd have both seen the other suffer. Following this I'd move Stefan into a seperate room and kill him slowly and torturious, all the while knowing Damon's listening to his final cries. I'd then return to the previous room and slowly kill Damon. I believe it will be harder for the older brother, to hear his younger brother die, as his job was too protect his brother.

damonXelenaXforever: Woah...

LFG: ***Looks at Klaus*** I like it...I'd like it more if it wasn't based around Damon and Stefan, but i still like it.

damonXelenaXforever: I also have a statement for you klaus, Stefan is being broody, Elena is being a baby,Damon is being an ass and Katherine is just Katherine. Do something for me 'cause I'm bored.

Klaus: I could kill you if you're that bored.

damonXelenaXforever: Urmm...I think i'll go now... ***Laughs Nervously before running off***

LFG: Okay then...Can Violetmuse come to stage?

Violetmuse: ***Runs on*** Stop staking Stefan! He's actually a really nice guy. We were chatting after the show for a while. I glomped him and he liked it. Bless him, he just needs a bit of TLC!

LFG: Oh...sorry? If it helps this show he hasn't been staked...

Violetmuse: Damon was not tortured enough in the last chapter for my liking. Did you know Damon's contracted vampire herpes? Nasty stuff that...** *cackles manically at her own rumor spreading*  
><strong>  
>LFG: I'll torture him when he returns... <strong>*And the sadistic smirk returns* <strong>

Katherine: Vampire herpes?

Violetmuse: Yep. Warning to all girls everywhere. Watch out for Damon Salvatore and his vampire herpes.

Violetmuse: I want to ask Katherine, why don't you just kill Elena and make the world a happier place for everyone? You'd get Stefan, the fangirls get Damon, I'd settle for Jeremy...Or Stefan if i staked Katherine...

Katherine: Do none of you think? If i killed Elena, yes the world would be a better place but i would also be responsible for the loss of yet ANOTHER doppleganger. I don't want that. Hence why i tried to give her to Klaus...She'll die soon anyway...And urm excuse me? You will NOT stake me little girl. You'll just have to settle for Jeremy.

Violetmuse: ***Shrugs*** I can deal with that...BYE! ***Runs away, presumably to find and glomp Jeremy or find and stake Damon*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Byee...Time for LAUREN BALLARD!<p>

Lauren B: ***Pops head round*** Was that my name?

LFG: Yep...Come and ask away...

Lauren B: Katherine, Putting aside the fact that you want to take Stefan from her, do you like Elena at all?

Katherine: ***Starts laughing*** Oh, you were being serious...No of course i don't. She's everything that i hate.

Elena: I hate you too Katherine.

Katherine: ***Throws a brick at Elena's head*** No one asked you to talk bitch!

Elena: OW!

Stefan: ***Throws his book into the audience* **FINISHED! ***Looks around*** Much happen while i was reading?

LFG: ***Shakes head*** Anymore Lauren?

Lauren B: I have some for Caroline, Matt and Jeremy...

LFG: I KNOW YOU'RE ALL PATHETICALLY WAITING FOR QUESTIONS SO JUST COME OUT NOW!

Caroline, Matt and Jeremy: ***Slowly walk out***

LFG: I didn't know how true that was, but you all just proved all you do is wait by the side of the stage for questions...

Lauren B: Jeremy, Why is it that all your girlfriends seem to be older than you? Vicki was only a few years older, then Anna was ANCIENT! Now Bonnie's a bit older...And why do they keep dying?

Jeremy: ***Shrugs*** I guess the older women like me...

Katherine: Is he trying to act like Damon or something?

LFG: Yeah he doesn't pull cocky off well does he?

Jeremy: I don't know why...Probably because we all seem to have a lot to do with vampires...BUT BONNIE ISN'T GOING TO DIE! DON'T EVEN TRY AND SAY SHE IS! ***Runs off***

LFG: Woah...

Lauren B: Caroline, Honestly, who do you love more: Tyler or Matt?

Caroline: Matt, I don't even love Tyler...He was just a friend whom i helped through a difficult phase...so to speak...

Lauren B: ***Stakes Caroline***

Caroline: Ow! WHhy?

Lauren B: You shouldn't have said Matt...you poor poor, unknowing thing...

Caroline: What do you mean? ***Starts crying and runs off***

Lauren B: Matt, If Liz (Forbes) told you to and you had the perfect chance, would you kill Caroline?

Matt: Urm... ***Shifts uncomfortably*** What do you mean? Why would Liz ask me to kill her daughter? ***Awkward laughter***

LFG: Like Elena you're a bad liar. Leave now.

Matt: ***Silently leaves***

Lauren B: That's all! ***Runs off* **

Damon: ***Walks back in mutterng and sits down***

LFG: What's your beef Damon?

Damon: Damn vampire slayers, that's what. Bloody bastard shot me with that bloody stake gun AT LEAST 10 times.

Katherine: Aww...Lickle Damon gonna cry 'cause of a few pieces of wood?

LFG: So that's why you were gone so long...

Damon: No...I had to go change.

LFG: And on that slightly camp note...Let's welcome Team Ramon back to the stage!

TeamRamon: ***Is suddenly on stage*** Heeyy...I don't have any questions but i have some things i wanna say...For Stefan...

Stefan: Ohh great...

TeamRamon:You really should more like your brother - A hot bad ass.

Damon: ***Egotistical smirk***

Stefan: No. That's a ridiculous statement.

TeamRamon: For Elena, I don't like you. You should really take Damon instead of bunny eater.

Stefan: ***Growls***

Elena: You don't like me? Okay then. And no, i won't take Damon because i love Stefan...

LFG: YOU'RE A BAD LIAR! IF YOU CARRY ON LYING YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME DO SOMETHING I REGRET! ***Stakes Stefan and Damon simultaneously then throws a brick at Elena*  
><strong>  
>Elena, Stefan and Damon: AHHH!<p>

Damon: You're a crazy bitch y'know that?

LFG: Yes, yes i do. You see, that's what happens when i'm nice all show like i have been. I blow and do something i regret, i didn't regret that so just watch out.. ***Looks around*** Hey where'd TeamRamon go?

Katherine: She ran off during your little hissy fit...

LFG: Oh okay then...Well that concludes another show...If your question wasn't answered then don't worry, it'll be answered soon. It may take a few chapters but ALL questions will ALWAYS be asked/answered. Btw, after tomorrow updates will be less often as i'm back at school, but it's nothing major...The next chapter will be up almost immediately after this one, watch this space...


	9. Chapter 9

LFG: Told you I'd be back soon ***Winks*** Anyway, thanks again to everyone that's reviewed, favourited or alerted, it means so much to me...

Damon: I blame them all.

LFG: What?

Damon: Those damn reviewers, if it wasn't for them we wouldn't be here, and i could go back to my life.

LFG: ***Stakes Damon*** Quit moaning.

Katherine: ***Laughs*** Life? You mean the thing where you drink a lot and spend your days longing after Elena?

Damon: Shut. up.

LFG: ***Stakes Damon again*** You shut up Damon, Katherine's a co-host and therefore has more power then you.** *Smiles sweetly* **

Stefan: You're getting violent again are - ***Stops speaking when he's staked in the leg by LFG***

LFG: You're right, I am. I learnt that repressing my anger is a bad idea, so i'm just releasing it as it comes. Now can we PLEASE get on with the show?

***Silence***

LFG: Thankyou...First up we have Pretty-Tweety!

Pretty-Tweety: ***Runs onto stage* **Hiya! ***Waves enthusiastically at everyone* **Again, mine are more dares then questions... ***Evil smile***

Damon: Oh no...

LFG: ***Stakes Damon*** SPEAK WHEN I TELL YOU TOO!

Pretty-Tweety: Make Stefan and Damon kiss eachother.

Stefan and Damon: WHAT! NO NO NO NO NO!

LFG: I...Like it...DO WHAT SHE SAYS!

Damon:** *Thinks***

Stefan: ***Still vehemiantly protesting***

Damon: ***Walks up to Stefan, reluctantly kisses Stefan's forehead***

Stefan: AH! WHAT WAS THAT?

Damon: ***Shrugs*** I just kissed you, you do the same and it's over and done with. You know we won't get away without doing SOMETHING. At least this is kinda like a loophole...

Stefan: Oh...Okay... ***Apprehensively kisses Damon's forhead***

Damon: ***Wipes his forehead and sits back down smugly*** Done.

Pretty-Tweety: That was disappointing...

LFG: Indeed it was...

Katherine: ***Looks at Pretty-Tweety and LFG*** You two have problems...

LFG: YOu think i don't know that?

Pretty-Tweety: Now i want Damon to do the strip tease dance.

Damon: That seems relatively easy, and it'll give the ladies a bit of a treat ***Winks at the audience. Stands up unbuttons his shirt. Music starts playing*  
><strong>  
>Pretty-Tweety: And Elena has to watch...<p>

Elena: Do i? Oh...Well i guess i have no choice then do i? ***Watches Damon***

Stefan: ***Is gonna kill someone***

Damon:** *Starts dancing like he did with Vicki and eventually he's shirtless. He throws his shirt into the audience and sits down when the music abruptly stops***

Stefan: Are you not going to put another shirt on?

Damon: I see no point...

Pretty-Tweety: Yay! Now i wanna say something to Bonnie...

LFG: BONNNIIEE! Oh crap, that means she'll be here soon...I'll be back later! ***Runs off just as Bonnies enters*  
><strong>  
>Bonnie: Wow whoever shouted is loud...Anyway, what d'you want?<p>

Pretty-Tweety: ***Punches Bonnie in the face*** STOP FLIRTING WITH DAMON! HE'S ELENA'S! ***Pushes Bonnie to the ground and kicks her in the stomach. Is suddenly flung backwards against a wall* **AHHH!

Bonnie: ***Stands up calmly*** That was a stupid thing to do. I'm going to leave now before i hurt you. Bye. ***Leaves***

Pretty-Tweety: ***Gets up*** That bitch is crazy...I'm going now... BYE! ***Leaves***

LFG: ***Slowly comes back onto stage*** I heard a massive crash...What happened?

Katherine: The witch threw Pretty-Tweety across the stage and against a wall...

LFG: WHAT? ***Throws several bricks at Elena***

Elena: OW! WHAT DID I DO?

LFG: She's YOUR friend. And her powers are scary so i'll take my anger out on you...Anyway...It's time to welcome first time reviewer to the stage...!

: ***Walks on*** Hey! Stefan, have you ever thought of therapy? You have some anger issues...

Stefan: Me? Really..ME? ANGER ISSUES? DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO ME!

: You're kinda proving my point.

LFG: Stefan, i admit i have anger issues, but just because i do, doesn't mean you don't.

: Katherine, how can you be so awesome? I love you!

Katherine: Really? Oh...Thanks...

LFG: You love Katherine to? YAY!

: Damon, what was your childhood like? You cannot refuse to answer this, if you do, I will stake your face. ***Smiles sweetly***

Damon: I don't doubt that you will so i guess i'll answer...My childhood? Great until my mother died. And then it wasn't so great. I was always very aware of what a disappointment to father i was...I even joined the army in an attempt to gain some approval, but i disagreed with the war and left. Much to father's annoyance. Although, by that point i'd stopped caring what he thought and decided to live my life the way i wanted. I stayed out, 'whored around' as people put and general didn't give a crap about others.

LFG: Woah...I really wanna hug you now...

Damon: Please don't.

LFG: And the moments ruined.

: That's all, thanks for answering..Oh and People...Elena clearly doesn't love Damon, she loves Stefan. I mean, C'mon! ***Runs off***

LFG: I liked her up until she said that...

Elena: Thankyou! FInally someone realises the truth!

Katherine: Oh shut up Elena. No one even like you.

LFG: Well, time for more questions...Please welcome back DramaDitz!

DramaDitz: ***Walks on*** Hiya! I only have one question, and my intentions aren't violent... Katherine how long do you think you have on the show before they decide to pull the plug on you? Stefan, Damon and Elena are shoe-in's to stay for a very long time, but the same can't be said for you. You have this mysterious expiry date in place.

Katherine: No one will be pulling the plug on me. I will NOT die. Especially not because of Klaus. Even if it means more running, I will NOT let myself get killed so get that stupid idea out of your head.

Damon: Bit sensitive about that Kat?

Katherine: ***Stakes Damon*** Don't.

DramaDitz: Okay then... ***Whispers to LFG*** I bet her expiry date's soon...

Katherine: I CAN HEAR YOU!

DramaDitz: I guess that's my cue to leave...BYE BYE! ***Runs off***

LFG: Okay then...***Shouts*** Mrs-damon-darco-liono-potter!

Mrs-D: ***Runs on*** Hey! I wanna ask Caroline, Bonnie,  
>Matt,Jenna, Jeremy, Alaric, Katherine, Tyler, Elijah and Klaus a question...<p>

LFG: That's a lot of people...CAN ALL OF THOSE JUST NAMED COME TO THE STAGE PLEASE!  
><strong><br>*They all appear (Except Klaus) and squish onto the stage.***

LFG: I assume it's the same question so as soon as you answer you can leave...

Mrs-D: Now, all of you, are you team Delena or are you annoyingly boring, not even considered anything team Stelena.

Caroline: Team Stelena, they totally deserve eachother. Damon doesn't deserve Elena. ***Leaves***

Bonnie: It's me. I hate Damon, why would i want my bestfriend to be with him? Clearly Team Stelena.

Matt: Urm...I think it could be interesting if she was with Damon? So i guess Team Delena? ***Leaves***

Jenna: This is ridiculous. At the minute i don't want her with either but, if i have to choose i'd have to say Team Stelena, at least he's closer to Elena's age. In a sense anyway... ***Leaves***

Jeremy: ***Shrugs*** It doesn't bother me...Whichever makes her happiest, and she does seem to have a lot of fun when she's with Damon, so currently I'm Team Delena. ***Leaves***

Alaric: Stelena. ***Leaves***

Tyler: I don't really know...She's with Stefan so things may aswell stay that way...Team Stelena. ***Leaves***

Elijah: This really doesn't interest me. With Klaus and everything, Delena would just confuse everyone and mess with everyone's emotions, so at teh minute, Team Stelena.

Katherine: Clearly Team Delena as i want Stefan.

LFG: And Klaus hasn't turned up. Surprise surprise. ***Speed dials Klaus*** Klaus? Yes i know you have better things to do but...No...yes but...Urgh just answer please, Team Delena or Stelena? Yeah...mhmm...okay...sure...yep...bye...***Puts the phone down***

Damon: And...?

LFG: He said he's Team break the curse and doesn't give a crap about any of these mundane issues that are of no importance to him. Then he said he thinks Damon and Elena are better suited to one another. So his answer's Team Delena.

Damon: Wow... ***Clearly shocked at everyone's answers***

Stefan: ***Still trying not to kill someone*** I CANNOT BELIEVE ANYONE EVEN SAID YOU!

LFG: ***Stakes Stefan. A LOT.* **Seriously STFU! No one CARES!

Mrs-D: I want Stefan and Damon to fight aswell, seen as though we were robbed of it in the last episode...

Stefan and Damon: ***Too busy glaring at one another to hear what she said***

LFG: ***To Mrs-D* **You may just get a repeat of that scene...Except i'll make sure Elena doesn't interrupt it...

Damon: C'mon brother, they clearly said me because I'm better suited to her. I could make her my princess of darkness.

Stefan: No. You couldn't Damon because she DOESN'T LOVE YOU!

Damon: Wanna bet? ***Smirk***

***Stefan punches Damon which sends him flying into a wall. Damon lunges back at Stefan and throws him into the audience. Stefan returns and stakes Damon in the leg. A similar pattern continues***

LFG: DAMON! DAMON! DAMON! DAMON!

Katherine: STAKE HIM IN THE EYE! LIGHT HIM ON FIRE!

Elena: STOP FIGHTING PLEASE!

LFG, Katherine and Mrs-D: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

***This continues for a while until both Stefan and Damon are extremely bloodied up.***

Damon: Give it up brother you're never going to win.

Stefan: Y'know what, I don't have time for your childish games. ***Runs off at vampire speed***

Damon: ***Laughs the sadistic laugh he does sometimes*** I guess i win.

LFG: Wow...That was an aweomse fight...

Elena: ***Runs off after Stefan***

Mrs-D: I'm satisfied, Oh and on a side note Damon, i love you and i'm O positive, thought I'd let ya know! ***Runs off***

Damon: ***Stares after her. After a few minutes follows in her direction***

LFG: DAMON! Awhh crap. Well that's the end because now i have to go stop Damon from killing Mrs-D, As i said before, the updates will be less frequent from now on but all questions will eventually be answered despite this. Hope to see you all again soon!


	10. Chapter 10

LFG: Welcome back! I'd like to apologise in advance for the delay, but hey...You did have warning so it's all good! Anywaay...Many questions to get through so let's get on with it!

Elena: I'm hungry...

LFG: ***Groan*** You damn human's and all your needs...

Damon: But you're human?

LFG: Yeah but i'm an awesomely terrifying human. I'm allowed to have needs. Hmm... ***Throws a piece of bread towards Elena*** There you go.

Elena: ***Looks at the bread*** I'm not some tramp y'know. I don't eat plain bread...

LFG: You do now. ***Threatening glare***

Elena: ***Reluctantly picks off a bit of bread and eats it***

LFG: Good Elena. Now...First up we have TeamRamon!

TeamRamon: ***Walks on*** Hello! Elena, I wanna hear your thoughts about the fact that your boyfriend has had wild sex with your great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, or whatever.

Elena: ***Spits out some bread*** EW!

Katherine: Urgh. Must you remind me that we're related?

Elena: That's**..*Looks from Stefan to Katherine and back*** Oh god...I never actually thought of it like that before...Oh...I think i'm gonna be... ***Runs offstage***

Stefan: Great.

Damon: Looks like that's you going without sex for a month or two brother. ***Smirk***

LFG: That was the best reaction ever.

TeamRamon: ***Evil Smile*** BYE! ***Walks out***

LFG: Time for more questions!

Katherine: Oh joy.

LFG: ***Sigh*** Kate882, come on out!

Kate: ***Walks on with an evil 'i-like-to-cause-trouble' grin***

Elena: ***Walks back on and quietly sits down. Avoids eye contact with Stefan and Katherine***

Kate: Good timing, because Elena, I have something to tell you...do u remeber that ur neclace was missing at one point and then was back randomly? I'm telling you because i know damon won't explain it to you and i LOVE you so much. i feel the need to tell you that its becuase he had your necklace, told you he loved you and then compelled you to forget...

Stefan: ***Murder rage face* **

Elena: Wait...No...You're lieing...Because ***Awkward laughter*** Damon doesn't love me...He can't love me...Because, well...Damon? ***Looks at Damon questioningly***

Damon: ***Has turned his chair round so his back's to everyone*** No...Obviously not...

LFG: This would be a good time for more questions...Kate882?

Kate: Stefan while i hate you i still need to ask this, if you are so over Katherine, why did you keep her picture, have so many flash backs of her and dream about sleeping with her when you two were trapped in the tomb together?

Stefan: Why hate me? There's really no reason...I've never actually done anything harmful towards ANY of you that seem to ha -

LFG: STEFAN! ***Stakes him in the arm*** ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Stefan: I kept her picture because...Okay...So i'm over her, i no longer love her...but there WERE times when i guess i missed her a bit...

Katherine: ***Smug face***

Stefan: As for flashbacks, many of the things that happened brought up memories of the past causing the flashbacks, and the dreams? Katherine was getting into my mind whilst i was asleep. I couldn't control my dreams, but i never acted upon them so i see no problem.

Kate882: Oh...

LFG: Urgh. Steffy stop it, we ALL know you wanted to jump Katherine's bones.

Katherine: He did. He probably still does.

Stefan: No...I don't...

Kate882: Also because i have gotten  
>boredd of bricks, i would like to just force Stefan to watch a video clip show of all the times elena and damon have had their special moments, and to make sure he watches them, i would like to tie him up with vervain ropes.<p>

LFG: ***Looks at Katherine. Nods***

Katherine and LFG: ***Pounce on Stefan and within a few minutes he's tied to his chair with vervain ropes* **

LFG: ***Runs off and returns with a TV and a tape. Put's the TV directly in front of Stefan and plays the tape.***

Stefan: ***Is trying not to be bothered***

Elena: ***Squirming uncomfortably***

Damon: ***Staring at the TV watching it all***

Kate882: ***Quietly walks over to Damon. Uses a syring and takes some of his blood.***

Damon: AHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Kate882: ***Squirts is blood into her mouth and swallows*** What do you think? ***Smirks***

Damon: WHAT! You realise if i kill you now, you won't turn?

LFG:** *Glares at Damon*** NO killing my audience!

Damon: But she started it!

LFG: And i'm finishing it. Leave her alone.

Kate882: ***Smirks at Damon***

Stefan: How long IS this tape?

LFG: SHUT IT OR I'LL PUT IT ON REPEAT! ***Stakes Damon and Stefan*** You two are REALLY pissing me off now...

Kate882: Whilst they're watching that I'll ask Katherine a question...Kat if u love stefan so much why did u stab him in Tyler's back yard?

Katherine: He deserved it. Just because i had to punish him doesn't mean i don't love him, besides - The end justifies the means.

LFG: And that's the end...***Wheels the TV away. Looks at Stefan*** You can stay tied up...

Stefan: WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE M -

LFG: SHUT IT! ***Slaps him extremely hard***

Kate882: Who do you all think would win if everyone in the show had to fight to the death?

Katherine: Me. Clearly. I'd hide, let them all destroy each other then come in and finish them off whilst they're weak.

LFG: You've clearly thought about it...

Stefan: If it was everyone against everyone, Klaus or Elijah.

Damon: It could go either one of two ways...We'll al team up, kill Klaus then I'd kill everyone else and i'd win. Or I'd protect ELena. and when it was just myself and her I'd kill myself so she could live.

Elena: N'awww...Damon...

LFG: ***Stakes Damon***

Damon: WHAT?

LFG: You're not allowed to be whipped when you're not even together. On a side note, Stefan...Damon clearly cares about Elena a bit more...You didn't even mention protecting her...

***Awkward silence***

LFG: So Elena, who d'you think would win?

Elena: Urmm...I think it'd be quite random if Jenna or somebody won?

LFG: That would be quite funny...

Kate882: Okay, I have something to say to Bonnie, and something to Klaus aswell...

LFG: Oh...Can you not just shout what you wanna sya to Bonnie? I can't be bothered to go hide.

Kate882: 'Kay. BONNIE! EVEN THOUGH YOU TRUSTED JEREMY NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF YOUR POWERS HE STILL DID!

***A small explosion is heard***

LFG: I only hope she's not near here...

Kate882: And Klaus?

LFG: I don't wanna wait for him, I'll ring him... ***Rings Klaus. Gives phone to Kate882***

Kate882: Hello? Klaus? Yeah...No i won't go die...no...just listen...yeah she is here but just listen...Are you aware that Elijah has a little girly crush on Elena? ***Shouting is heard through the phone* **No...Wait stop..YEah...Sorry...Okay... ***Puts phone down*  
><strong>  
>Katherine: What was that about?<p>

Kate882: He screamed at me not to bother him with such trivial knowledge...

LFG: Oh...Is that all?

Kate882: Yeah...And Damon...When you next see me...I'll be undead ***Smirk***

Damon: nuhuh. You have to be drank from first aswell.

Kate882: Don't you worry about that. I know a vampire...***Grins and runs away***

Damon: IF she comes back as a vmapire I'll stake her myself.

LFG: ***Slaps Damon*** NO YOU WON'T! Now...To calm my names we'll have more questions...Pretty-Tweety!

Pretty-Tweety: ***Casually strolls in*** Why hello...Before i start, I want to make Elena sit on Damon's lap, and she has to stay that way for the rest of the show.

Elena: No. I won't.

LFG: You will. ***Walks over to Elena and grabs her here. Drags her over to Damon and makes her sit on the lap* **Now if you move off him, I'll tie you both in that position. Pretty-Tweety, on with your questions!

Pretty-Tweety: Katherine, did you ever have feelings by Klaus?

Katherine: Unfortunately, yes. I never did understand why he courted me, he seemed not to care...And then i found out the real reasons behind his attention. I was heartbroken, but i do not regret it; it made me who i am today.

Stefan: A scheming heartless bitch?

Katherine: ***Calmly walks over to Stefan and puts a vervain plant leaf in his mouth***

Stefan: AHH! ***Spits it out*** MY MOUTH IS BURNING! 

Katherine: ***Smirks***

Pretty-Tweety: I want to ask Damon, Stefan, Elena AND Katheine who they lost their virginity too...

Damon: ***Shrugs*** Some whore.

LFG: Lovely...

Stefan: Katherine.

LFG: That figures, you boring sod.

Elena: One of the boys on the football team, before i was with Matt.

LFG: ***Shocked face*** Really?

Elena: ***Non-chalantly*** Yeah, I used to be a lot more fun.

LFG: Maybe if you were STILL fun people'd like you more.

Katherine: The father of my baby. ***Sad far away look*** I've never told anyone who it was and that's not going to chanfge.

Pretty-Tweety: Okay then...Can i ask Klaus a question?

LFG: ***Hands Pretty-Tweety the phone*** Be prepared to be yelled at though...

Pretty-Tweety: I can handle it. ***Rings Klaus*** Hello...No...Wait...SHUT UP I'M SPEAKING! Yes i do have a question...Do you know who Edward Cullen is? Really? ***Laughs* **I hate him to...Real vampires don't sparkle! I know right? ***Sits down and starts talking animatedly to Klaus*  
><strong>  
>LFG: That was unexpected...<p>

***Several minutes pass by***

LFG: Pretty-Tweety?

***Half an hour goes by***

Pretty-Tweety: ***Puts the phone down. Gives it back to LFG*** He's hilarious...Anyway...On a non-Klaus-related note, I suddenly have to leave...BYE! ***Runs off***

Katherine: Looks like he's got himself a new toy.

LFG: Urgh, i told him NOT to kill, use or toy with my audience/reviewers...

Katherine: Whatever, I don't really care what happens to those idiots. Lets have more questions. Please welcome .

LFG: Let's call her Lostie for short...

Lostie: ***Runs on*** HIA! ***Looks at ELena sat on Damon's lap with Distain.* **I'll shut up about my anti-Delena-ism...Damon, Huh. Well, if it even matters, sorry about the childhood thing. Hm...okay, is there a certain ' human food' you like the most? Booze doesn't  
>count.<p>

Damon: Well I used to love cooking as a human...I'd say my favourite was Shrimp Diablo...But i also quite liked beans on toast...

LFG: ***Bursts out laughing***

Damon: What?

LFG: Just the difference betweem Shrimp Diablo, and then...Beans on toast! ***Laughs***

Lostie: Okay...Thanks...Elena, how does it feel to have a Doppleganger?

Katherine: Wait a minute, I HAVE a doppleganger, she IS the doppleganger.

Lostie: Fine, how does it feel to BE a doppleganger?

Elena: Weird. And annoying. I can't look in the mirror without thinking about HER.** *Glares at Katherine*  
><strong>  
>LFG: <strong>*Slaps Elena with a glove*<strong> Quit being a bitch to Katherine! She ain't that bad!

Lostie: Fair do's. Stefan, have you ever tried Wombat blood? I hear they are quite tasty.

Stefan: No actually...

Katherine: ***Unties Stefan*** Go eat a wombat...

Stefan: ***smiles*** THANKS! ***Runs off at vamp speed***

LFG: Why did you do that?

Katherine: Why not?

LFG: I suppose i don't have to look at him anymore...

Lostie: Well that's all...BYE! ***Runs off* **

LFG: Okay...Please welcome back Mrs-D!

Mrs-D: ***Runs on*** I don't have questions...But i do want to say something...Firstly believe Damon wouldn't hurt me, he's finally getting  
>the idea of how much I love him. I'll just let him drink from me willingly, and he'll do it gently.<p>

Damon: Shes wishes...

LFG: ***Smiles sweetly as she stakes Damon***

Mrs-D: And as for those who were team Stelena... they better  
>watch their backs, cause im angry now and when Im angry things don't turnout to be pretty,not pretty at all...<strong>*Angry face*<strong>

LFG: Is that all you wanted to say?

Mrs-D: Yeah...Ohh...Before i leave can i have a kiss on the cheek?

Damon: ***Starts to say no but notices the death glare from LFG*** Yeah okay...You'll have to come here though, because Elena has to stay on my lap...

Mrs-D: OKAY! ***Runs up to Damon and lets him kiss her on the cheek* **THANKYOU! ***Runs off***

Damon: Y'know...She's not that bad now she's slightly less excited...

LFG: Well now it's time for a new reviewer...

***At this point Salvatore-0247 runs on, steaks Damon several times, hits Katherine round the head with a glass bottle and chloroforms Elena so she's now knocked out. Laughs evily and runs back off***

LFG: Well that was peculiar...She seems sadistic. I like it.

Katherine: When i see her again, that bitch'll pay.

Damon: WHAT THE HELL?

Elena: ***Unconscious face***

LFG: ***Looks at Elena*** HAH! Anyway, as i was saying...Time for Maureen Mooney to come to the stage!

Maureen Mooney: ***Walks on*** Woah. ***Stops walking.***

LFG: What?

Maureen M: This stage is bigger then i thought...Anyway...I wanna ask Damon how he feels about girls in wheelchairs...

Damon: ***Taken aback*** Well they're fine...THey're no different from anyone else...Hell I've had a few wheelchair hotties. ***Smirk***

LFG: Is 'wheelchair hotties' the scientific term then Damon?

Damon: ***Shrugs*** Could be for all i know...But seriously, the girls i've met who were unfortunate enough to be wheelchair bound were really nice...But; Just 'cause i felt bad doesn't mean i didn't snack. ***Smirk***

Maureen M: Well can i ask Alaric something?

LFG: Go for it. ALAAARRIIIIICCCC!

ALaric: ***Walks on*** You, are very loud...Y'know that?

LFG: Yeah, it's a gift.

Maureen M: Firstly Ric, you're hot...And...Because you've fought with Jenna, does that mean you're single?

Alaric: What? Thanks but no it doesn't. It's a FIGHT. NOT a breakup... ***Worried face***

LFG: Worried about the future of your relationship?

Alaric: This is NOT your business! ***Storms off***

Maureen M: ***Follows him off* **

Stefan: ***Walks back on sits down.*** OMG! WHAT HAPPENED TGO ELENA?

LFG: Ohh just a bit of chloroform, but if you get pissy and make a big fuss you'll be tied up again. So watch it.

Stefan: Hmmff.

Katherine: Can i go?

LFG: Why?

Katherine: Well i'm just stood here...

LFG: You can mess with Elena while she's asleep if you like...Y'know..Write on her face with sharpie and stuff...

Katherine: Good plan...***Picks up Elena and walks out with her***

Damon and Stefan: ***Glare at LFG***

LFG: Anywayy...Time for newcomer, 1010 to come and ask some questions!

1010: ***Walks on* **My question's for Damon and Stefan...If you had to make out with either Damon/Stefan or John, who would it be?

Stefan: Firstly...This is a god awful question...Since Damon's my brother, and I'm myself...It'd have to -reluctantly- be John...***Shudders***

Damon: HA! I'd totally make out with myself. I'm hot! ***Winks***

LFG: Okaayy then...

1010: Okayy...THANKS! ***Runs off* **

LFG: Now that that weird question's finished...It's 0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0's time to ask some!

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: ***Runs on*** Damon, to what you said to me last time, Oh thank gosh! That means I can stay Team Stefan. I was actually worried that I might start to like you. Okay, granted, I might not have been thinking when I mentioned the Katherine thing.** *Rolls eyes*** This is why I like book you better. But, since this is a question thing I might have well ask one. How many hours a day do you sit in front of the mirror with a flattening iron?

Damon: Excuse me? This ***Molests his own hair slightly* **is purely natural. To suggest anything otherwise is an abomination.

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Whatever you say Damon. Stefan, have you ever killed anything bigger then a deer?

Stefan: Yes...Before i...Reformed...I killed several people. Too many to count. ***Shudders at the memory***

LFG: Now THAT Stefan i would've liked...This one sucks a bit...

0oImmortalEyelinerGuyo0: Well that's iot for today, I better not bother Klaus on his high, high, high horse...BYE! ***Runs off* **

LFG: Well we have time for one more question, please welcome back damonXelenaXforever!

damonXelenaXforever: ***Runs on* **It's more of a demand...Can i ring Klaus?

LFG: Sure... ***Passes her the phone***

damonXelenaXforever: ***Rings Klaus*** Hello? Regarding my previous request...I said do something to make me un-board not threaten to kill me NOW DO SOMETHING! ***Hangs up on Klaus***

LFG: Did you just hang up on him?

damonXelenaXforever: Yes.

***A few minutes of silence pass by***

Klaus: ***Wanders onto stage*** Why hello ladies.

LFG: AH! Oh...hello...***Whispers to damonXelenaXforever*** Sorry in advance if he kills you...

Klaus: I'm not here to kill. I'm here to fulfill a request. ***Looks in Damon's eyes*** You are a chicken. You will stand and adopt the characteristics of a regular chicken.

Damon: ***Trance like*** I am a chicken. ***Stands up, starts clucking and walking like a chicken***

damonXelenaXforever: HA! MAKE HIM DO MORE!

LFG: Okay...Well whilst Klaus uses Damon as a puppet to entertain damonXelenaXforever, I'll close the show...I'll answer the rest of the questions next chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading and i hope to see you all again next time! 


	11. Chapter 11

LFG: I'm back! Again I apologize for the unusually delayed update but *Shrugs* I'm sure none of you mind too much...Once again a massive thank you to all my reviewers, I love you all!

Katherine: You seem to give your love away easily...

LFG: ***Glares at Katherine*** It's a platonic love. Shut up. Anyway, let's get straight into it; please give a warm welcome for MrsSomerhalder10!

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Walks on*** BANG TIDY! ***Looks at LFG* **Can I just say you are SO freaking' awesome. Marry me? And then Damon and Kat can both be my mistresses (/sex slaves).

LFG: I like the idea...As long as they're OUR Mistresses ***Cough* **Sex slaves ***Cough*.**

Damon: Hey whoa. Slow down. I'm not being ANYONE'S Mistress and/or sex slave.

Katherine: He probably would be...I won't though...

Stefan: ***Mutters*** I don't feel excluded at all now...

Elena:** *Looks at Stefan*** so you wanna be their sex slave? ***Raised eyebrow***

Stefan: No...That's not what I meant...I just meant...

LFG: Stop right there before you did yourself into an even deeper hole... 

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Runs up to and slaps Stefan***

Stefan: OW! What was that for?

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Shrugs* **Felt like it...Anyway, Elena, have you ever 'dreamt' about Damon?

Elena: ***Shocked face*** WHAT? NO! OF COURSE NOT!

LFG: I think she's lying...

MrsSomerhalder10: Does that mean I can scream at her?

LFG: Go for it...

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Goes into a massive screaming rant at Elena***

Damon: ***Smirks***

LFG: Don't let it boost your ego Damon. She's a hormonal teenager, she's probably dreamt about several people...

Damon: ***Sulky face***

Stefan: ***Hurt/Insecure face***

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Stops Screaming. Smiles at everyone* **My next questions involve Elijah, Klaus and Alaric...

LFG: ALAARIIICCC! ELIIJJAAAHH! ***Looks at phone*** It's dead. Crap. That means Klaus will have to come in person...KLAAUUUUSSS!

***Alaric and Elijah enter* **

MrsSomerhalder10: Riiiccyyy booy...Have you ever accidently called Jenna 'Damon' during sex?

Damon: ***Looks like he's gonna vomit***

Alaric: WHAT? I HAVE NO SEXUAL FEELINGS TOWARDS DAMON! ***Stakes Damon*** SEE! I STAKED HIM! WOULD I STAKE SOMEONE I HAD FEELINGS FOR? NO! ***Storms off***

LFG: Whoa...He's always so angry...

MrsSomerhalder10: Elijah, did you ever love Katherine? And how do you feel about her now?

Elijah:** *Thinks*** Whilst I admit I had feelings for her, I did not love her. I don't believe in love. And now? Well, things have certainly changed over 500 years...***Starts to leave***

LFG: WAIT!

Elijah: ***Turns*** Yes?

LFG: ***Smiles sweetly at Elijah*** Will you fetch Klaus pleaaaassseeee?

Elijah: ***Sigh*** I'm not making any promises...

LFG: Thanks! ***Glares at Damon, Elena and Stefan*** See...That's a good cast member, he doesn't complain and is very gracious.

Stefan: Yeah but you're actually nice to him.

LFG: Shut. Up. Stefan.

MrsSomerhalder10: I'll just wait for Klaus...

***An unknown period of time later Klaus wanders in looking bored***

Klaus: My presence was requested?

LFG: Yes...We have a question for you...

Klaus: I see...***looks at Elena* **Hello Elena. ***Smirks***

Elena:** *Looks away and tries to remain calm* **

MrsSomerhalder10: So I want to ask Klaus, Damon and Katherine who they lost their virginity to...

Damon: I've already answered this...but like I said before, some random whore...

Katherine: I answered once. I see no need to do so again.

Klaus: Interesting...***Think for a while*** I can't remember...Can I not just say I was born without virginity?

Elena: No because that's physica - ***Stops when she receives a warning If-you-don't-shut-up-you'll-seriously-regret-it-because-I'm-an-angry-bitch look from LFG*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Of course you can say that...<p>

Klaus: I'm leaving now.

LFG: Ohh urm...Can you like, stay nearby please? There are questions for you later on...

Klaus: Possibly. ***Leaves***

LFG: Well he's very mysterious isn't he?

MrsSomerhalder10: Yes...I have one last thing I wanna do before I go...Can I kiss Damon?

LFG: Sure...

Damon: Do I not get a say in this?

LFG: Do you ever get a say in anything on this show?

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Kisses Damon very slowly.***

LFG: Whoa, I thought you were gonna pounce on him or something.

MrsSomerhalder10: No. I didn't want it to be in so much of an 'OMG I LOOVEEE YOUU WAYY!' as it was an 'It's killing Elena to watch this' way...

LFG: ***Looks at Elena.*** IT seems to have worked...

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Starts to leave*** Oh, and I'm O positive. And my blood is at 98.6. Juuussst how Damon likes it. Just Saying. ***Is gone***

Damon: ***Staring after her*** It is just how I like it...

LFG: ***Sigh*** IF you wanna snack, wait until after the show 'kay? Now - before Damon runs off and snacks on MrsSomerhalder10, please welcome DramaDitz!

DramaDitz: ***Walks on*** Stefan, being civil and all (and I promise to not hurt you)...If Elena wasn't in the picture, would you have ever thought of pursuing Lexi romantically. You guys were great friends, ever think there could've been potential for something more?

Stefan:** *Really shocked/partially excited that he's being asked a question* **First of all, I have no idea how I lived without Elena before she came along...

LFG: ***Makes gagging gesture* **

Katherine: How cheesy.

Stefan: ***Ignoring LFG and Katherine* **Anyway, I don't think I would...I knew Lexi for around a century before I met Elena, she was like an older sister to me...

LFG: Okay...It creeps me out when he reveals his feelings...So any other questions?

DramaDitz: Yep. Stefan, in an episode you said that you had to drink human blood to be stronger (face it, even Caroline would kick ass better then you). So are you continuing with the blood bag diet or are you still lapping up bunny blood?

Stefan: I prefer the animal diet, I get very...edgy...on human blood.

DramaDitz: 'kay.

LFG: WAIT! He didn't answer your question...He didn't say which diet he was currently on...Simply which one he preferred...

Damon: Nice try brother.

Elena: ***Raised eyebrow at Stefan*** You're NOT drinking human blood are you...? Stefan...?

Stefan: ***Looks uncomfortable* **No...

LFG: Whatever...I really couldn't care less either way...

DramaDitz: ***glares at Damon*** For once, you made one very stupid kill. I think Lexi would've been interesting to keep around. I feel she was killed too early in the show.

Damon: ***Sigh*** It was her or me. Clearly I kept the better one alive.

LFG: ***Stakes Damon* **As much as I love you, I hate you for killing Lexi. She was epic - Well, despite her diet...

DramaDitz: Katherine, I gotta say that I don't like you much on the show but I'm liking you here alot. I wanted to ask you about the child you had when you were human. Have you ever tried to look for it? Also, I gotta say love it when you speak in Bulgarian, very hot. ***hugs Katherine voodoo doll*** I think I have a new favorite on this show.

Katherine: ***Gazes into the distance, looks a bit sad, then snaps back to reality and puts back on her stony 'I-Don't-care' facade* **Does it matter? It's in the past now. The child's long dead by now. Regardless, thank you, I'm glad you appreciate my native tongue.

DramaDitz: Elena, have you ever thought of wearing a hard hat or maybe some armor...I don't know since you seem to be getting chucked with bricks all the time...never mind I can see you've lost one too many brain cells to comprehend what I'm saying.

Elena: I have NOT lost any brain cells, I am perfectly cap -

LFG: ***Throws a brick at Elena's head*** Clearly you have...Otherwise you'd have put on some sort of protection long ago. Idiot. Anyway...Lets move on...

DramaDitz: I need Klaus now...

***Klaus kinda wanders on***

LFG: I didn't even have to shout...

Klaus: ***smirks*** Vampiric hearing really is a blessing. ***Takes DramaDitz's hand and kisses it like in movies* **You have questions my lovely?

DramaDitz: Who is your evil idol? Saying yourself is not an option, no matter how threatening you are.

Klaus: I have quite a few, the list grew over the years...To name a few; Satan...Hitler...Lord voldemort.

DramaDitz: Okay. And...how did Katherine ***hugs Katherine voodoo doll  
>again* <strong>escape you? Did you even have any real feelings for her or were you just using her from the beginning for the curse?

Klaus: Katarina was very good and hide and seek. Although, in the end, I won. No. Why would I have feelings for a mere human? Clearly I was using her. I know she's no longer human, she's just fun to toy with. Plus, I have to somewhat punish her for running away like she did.

DramaDitz: And...last question Elena is a sitting goose here, and pretty much close to being brain dead with all the bricks chucked at her...why don't you just grab her right now?

LFG: Just as a side note, I know 'The sun also rises' has already aired, but this particular chapter is set before the episode...The next ones will be set after it...

Klaus: Well, if I grabbed her now, I'd have to hide her and keep her alive and other annoying stuff. May as well only take her just before I need her.

DramaDitz: ***Randomly glomps Katherine doll*** Damon if you could sing a song to Elena what would it be?

Damon: If I could? I CAN. I can do anything I want...I just don't want to...

DramaDitz: Urmm...Okay then? ***Leaves, closely followed by Klaus* **

LFG: I do hope he doesn't eat her...Anywaayy, please welcome ...Or as I like to call her, Lostie!

Lostie:** *Strides on. Looks at Damon*** Beans on toast? Wasn't expecting that... So, what do you have against werewolves? I personally think the whole thing with Mason was pointless, but I would like to hear your opinion.

Damon: I have nothing against them. Oh, besides the fact that they're oversized, petulant puppies with serious anger and PMS issues who could kill me with one bite.

LFG: Fair do's.

Lostie: Stefan, I'm surprised with you being so calm about Elena talking about becoming a vampire. I thought you would have flipped out more. What's up with that?

Stefan: ***Shrugs*** I'm not going to pretend it doesn't bother me...But it's her decision if she wants to turn or not.

LFG: ***Screams at Elena*** WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE? YOU CRAZY SOB! WHO CARES ABOUT HUMANITY WHEN YOU CAN LIVE AS DAMON'S PRINCESS OF DARKNESS? URRGHHH! ***Stamps on Elena's foot - Note LFG's wearing very pointy heels***

Everyone else: Whoa...

Lostie: Okay then...This one's for anyone brave enough...Prank phone call Klaus.

Damon: Do you think we're suicidal? Who'd actually be stupid enough...

LFG: I'LL DO IT! ***Whips out phone and rings Klaus* **

Elena: Is she seriously that stupid?

LFG: Shhh! He can't know it's me... ***Throws Brick at Elena*** Hello? Urmm..I mean ***Puts on an Italian voice* **Hello? When was the last time you saw your fridge? No sir...This is in all seriousness, I'm afraid there's been a recent increase in the amount of fridge robberies. Please don't snarl at me sir...Please listen to - ***Throws phone at the wall*** Damn blood sucker hung up on me!

Katherine: That was just weird...

Lostie: Is Alaric lurking nearby? I wanna tell him something...

LFG: Sure...RIIIIIICCC!

Alaric: ***Slowly walks on*** What?

LFG: Okay calm down, I promise that - at the minute - no one will ask you about Damon...

Lostie: Really random, but can I hug you? I'm just happy that you're okay. I thought you wouldn't survive Klaus...

Alaric: Really? That's all? Okay... ***Hugs Lostie and then walks away***

Lostie: That's all! ***Runs off* **

LFG: And now it's time for the return of the newly turned vampire, Kate882!

Kate882: ***Is suddenly just there* **

LFG: Whoa! Hey!

Kate882: LFG, thanks for not letting Damon stake me now that I'm a vampire... ***Smiles sweetly*  
><strong>  
>Katherine: Oh joy. We have a newly fanged reviewer to baby sit.<p>

Kate882: ***Walks over to and slaps Stefan***

Stefan: OW! What was that for?

Kate882: You acted like animal was good, I tried it and it sucked so I drained this really annoying loser - he was a bigger loser than  
>you actually - that lived down the street from my house.<p>

Damon: ***Looks up* **Good on ya'! ***High fives Kate882* **So glad there's not another 'oh-i'm-gonna-repress-my-nature-and-somehow-survive-off-animal-blood' vamp around here...

Kate882: Also Stefan, if you love Elena so much, why did Damon do more to try and save her?

Damon: Yes brother. Do tell.

Stefan: Damon did NOT do more. He nearly forced her into becoming a monster for eternity.

LFG: ***Sticks a vervain leaf in Stefan's mouth*** LIAR! He DID do more. And it's because he CLEARLY love her more than you do.

Kate882: Oh and you Stefan, you asked why I hate you, you claimed you did nothing. Liar. You made me think animal blood was good, also, every time I try to watch vampire diaries I have to look at you. Additionally, you make it extremely hard to find a Damon poster because you're on them all...So by saying you did nothing, you lied. And this ***Stakes Stefan in the stomach* **is for lying. As further punishment, you have to drink nothing but vervain for a week.

Stefan: WHAT? YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THAT!

LFG: ***Smirk*** Wanna bet?

Kate882:** *Walks up to and stakes Damon* **That's for saying you'd stake me. And guess what? You were wrong. I totally turned. ***winks at Damon arrogantly* **

LFG: It sounds pretty epic being a vampire...

Kate882: It is. Hey Elena...Elena...

Stefan: Elena?

LFG:** *Throws a brick at Elena***

Elena: ***Looks up*** Urmm ow? What was that for?

LFG: We had to get your attention. Seems the apparent loss of brain cells is catching up with you.

Kate882: I just want to clear up any confusion Elena, when I said I loved you. It was sarcasm.

Elena: Oh no. I'm so heartbroken now. Just to be clear; that was also sarcasm.

LFG: ***Slaps Elena*** DON'T GET SASSY BITCH!

Kate882: Anyway, one more thing 'Lena. In regards to my fight to the death question, you said it'd be funny if Jenna...But who do you think would actually win?

Elena: Yeah probably Klaus...

Kate882: Who d'you think'd win LFG?

LFG: Hmm...I know they're not strictly cast, but they may've been in the background a few times...Like at the fair and places. Anyway, my answer would be...The chavs. They have guns, knives, horrendous slang and the belief that they're invincible. They'd totally win.

Kate882: Right...Do you have Tyler's number?

LFG: Yeah... ***Hands her the mobile which has been miraculously fixed after being thrown at a wall* **

Kate882: Tidy. ***Rings Tyler*** Just wanna say, you should totally put your hair back to how it was before because it makes you look like a Jacob Black impersonator, and you're not hot enough for that...***Hangs up***

LFG: ***Spits out metaphorical coffee***

Damon: Burn.

Kate882: ***Hands phone back to LFG*** My next question's for Bonnie, but Jeremy must be here too...

LFG: Ahh crap. Quick. Hide Elena, if Bonnie sees what kinda of a state she's in she'll crucify me! ***Hides Elena in a closet*** Okay, BONNIEE! JEREMMMYY!

***Bonnie and Jeremy walk in***

Kate882: I love you both but this should be funny...Bonnie, how d'you feel that Jeremy slept with Vikki - and possibly Anna - but not you?

Bonnie: How do you know we haven't? ***Blushes* **

Kate882: So have you?

Bonnie: That's none of your business!

Jeremy: ***Makes a sad face and does thumbs down sign towards Kate882 when Bonnie isn't looking***

Kate882: Okay then...Jeremy, is it because you don't think she's good enough?

Bonnie: I SAID IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! ***A strong wind begins blowing. Making her hair fly...A lot...***

Jeremy: Actually it's because Bonnie wants to hold off...

Bonnie: JEREMY! ***Does a power which makes Jeremy fly across the room and storms out***

Jeremy: OW! ***Gets up and runs after Bonnie*** I'm SORRY!

LFG: Well that was interesting...

Elena: ***From inside the closet* **What's going on?

LFG: Nothing. Go back to sleep.

Kate882: I need Klaus and Elijah next...

LFG: 'Kay... KLAUS! ELIJAH! 

***Klaus casually strolls in*** Yes?

Kate882: Firstly Klaus, I thought what you did to Damon was funny...Secondly... HOW DARE YOU THREATEN TO KILL ME! AND OVER THE PHONE ASWELL? THAT WAS INCREDIBLY HARSH! ***Gets all up in his grill and continues shouting*  
><strong>  
>Damon: She has a death wish...<p>

Klaus: ***Interrupts Kate882*** You're hostile due to my death threats over the phone...Would it make a difference if I issued the aforementioned threats in person? ***Threatening glare***

Kate882: ***Shuts up - Not for long*** Oh and Klaus, because of Elijah's crush on Elena, he's gonna go against you and try to kill you...

Klaus: WHAT?

***At this moment Elijah walks in***

Klaus: What do I hear about you trying to kill me? ***Snarl. Lunges for Elijah*  
><strong>  
>LFG: STOP! <strong>*Elijah and Klaus kinda freeze*<strong> Can we finish the questions first?*  
><strong><br>*****Elijah and Klaus awkwardly return to normal standing positions***

Kate882: Elijah, so what's the deal with your crush on Elena?

Elijah: What? I bear no feeling towards Miss. Elena.

LFG: And that's the questions done...

Katherine: Which obviously means...

Klaus: ***Lunges for Elijah, they end up taking the fight elsewhere***

LFG: Wonder if one of 'em will kill the other...

Stefan: You don't seem to care?

LFG: No. Not really.

Kate882: My last question's for Matt...

LFG: Sorry, I think if Matt comes out here I'll actually kill him for being such a bitch to Caroline...

Kate882: Oh...Well where did he get his gun? I wanna shoot Stefan...

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Try toys 'R' Us...Or your local convent. You'll find one...

Kate882: ***Is gone***

Stefan: Oh crap. That's the last thing I need. A me-hating, newly-turned-vampire, with a stake gun...

LFG: And on that note...I bid you goodbye...Just as a warning, there will be roughly a 3 or 4 week hiatus on this fic as my exams start this week...I'll probably write odd bits of next chapter here and there throughout but I doubt I'll finish it before my exams are over...I still have quite a few questions to answer, I'll get to them as soon as I can...Thanks to everyone so far who has supported this, it means the world to me that you're enjoying this 'show' *Grins and waves manically* 


	12. Chapter 12

LFG: Welcome back guys! Please note this takes place after 'The sun also rises' and before 'As I lay dying' since time is seemingly not of the essence ***Glances at Damon sadly*** I'll get straight into it...Please welcome Mike and Freddy Krueger!

Mike: ***Walks up on stage*** Well nice to be here. Now the questions!  
>Katherine, does it bother you when people write KatherineXElena fanfictions?<p>

Katherine: What? Is a fanfiction one of those things Damon was tortured with in a previous show?

LFG: Yeah...

Katherine: So...a KatherinexElena fanfiction is one that has both Elena and I in it?

LFG: Actually... ***Goes into explicit detail about what it involves***

Katherine and Elena: UURRGGHHH!

Katherine: OMG! IT DOES NOW! THAT'S HORRENDOUS! ***Looks at Elena with disdain* **I'm narcissistic, but not THAT much! NO...Ew...Just...Gross...

Stefan:** *Gazing off into the distance***

LFG: He's clearly visualizing it...

Elena: ***Looks at Stefan. Hits him on the arms*** Stefan!

Stefan: Ow! Heey!

LFG: Shutup Stefan. You really annoyed me last episode. Right now I can't remember why, but you did...

Mike: Stefan, does it bother you that people compare you to Edward?

Stefan: Is he that sparkly thing in that film that totally mis-represents vampires?

LFG: Yes. He's also a martyr, annoyingly pussily feeds on animals, seems EXTREMELY homosexual and is annoying as hell.

Damon: No wonder people compare you two! ***Pats Stefan on the back* **

Stefan: ***Seething*** To answer your question. Yes. It DOES annoy me.

LFG: The real question is though, is being compared an insult to him, or you? ***Smirk***

Stefan: STOP TRYING TO PROVOKE ME!

LFG: NO. It's fun.

***A man wearing a red and green sweater, a glove with four blades, a hooked nose, worker boots, gray pants, a brown fedora, and a horrendously burned face enter* **

LFG: ***Tries not to recoil in horror*** I knew having a nightmare on elm street marathon last night was a bad idea...

Damon: Woah. Dude what happened to your fa -

LFG:** *Hits Damon. Whispers*** Don't ask him that!

(Original)Freddy Krueger:***Chuckling and says in a low voice***So you like "The Vampire Diaries"?

Mike:Yes.

Freddy: I've got questions too,***Clears throat*** Now Damon, why do you care for Elena so much?

Damon: Why not? I could ask you why you care for...whatever it is you care for...

Freddy: And also, do BonnieXDamon stories bother you?

Damon: BonnieXDamon? Me and the judgey little midget? Never gonna happen...But I won't let something that is written by insignificant unimportant people bother me. I have bigger issues to worry about.

LFG: ***Silently holds a sign saying 'I apologize for any offense Damon may have caused'***

Mike: urgh, they bug the sh*t outta me. Katherine, what you do if you were stuck in room with Elena for twenty four hours?

Katherine: ***Gets an evil look in her eye*** Well, a practical is a better answer then mere words...

LFG: Katherine!

Elena: ***Whispers to Stefan*** She actually stuck up for me!

LFG: At least wait till after the show...

Elena: Maybe not...

Freddy:***Smirks*** She'd rip Elena to shreds.***Chuckles*** See you all in your dreams.***Returns to Dream World*  
><strong>  
>Mike: See ya later! <strong>*Runs off stage, and into a car* <strong>Okay drive!** *Pokes driver* **Great, Freddy why'd you have to go and kill the driver? Ah never mind I'll walk home!

Elena: They were a strange pair...Wonder if they'll revisit...Anywaayy, please welcome back HeartsBreakInLove!

HeartsBreakInLove: ***Runs on*** Hey LFG! Im back! Yay! Damon I'm sorry I screamed in your ear last time I was here but I still love you.

Damon: I guess it's okay...Just don't do it again...My ear kept ringing for about 3 days afterwards...

HeartsBreakInLove: Katherine, you're a badass. I like you.

Katherine: ***Smirks*** And so you should.

HeartsBreakInLove: Stefan, you haven't realized you're still in love with Katherine yet?

Stefan: I am NOT in love with Katherine. I never was. It was all her compulsion.

Katherine: I never compelled you to love me Stefan...

LFG: If that's what helps you sleep at night Steffy...

HeartsBreakInLove: Can I ask Tyler a question?

LFG: Sure...WOOLLFFYY BOOYY!

Tyler: ***Walks in*** I assume that's me?

LFG: Well done Sherlock.

Tyler: Don't belittle me...

LFG: Okay...Only cause I actually really like you though...

HeartsBreakInLove: Tyler, why did you leave Caroline without saying goodbye?

Tyler: I have my reasons.

LFG: Look. ***Walks up to Tyler*** You're new on here...I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but when you get a question, you answer it PROPERLY.

Stefan: You never gave us a chance! You were all 'Ohh come on this show, it'll be fun' and then BAM! Stakes, vervain, verbal abuse and keeping us here...

LFG: Shut up whiny bitch face.

Tyler: Well, I didn't think I'd be able to go if I said goodbye. Caroline would've found some way to convince me to stay, and I just wanted to be with my own kind...It made me feel somewhat normal with Jules...

LFG: AWWW! ***Hugs Tyler* **You poor thing!

Elena: But when we talked about OUR feeling you yelled and threw bricks!

LFG: ***Throws a brick at Elena*** Yeah but you're not Tyler, are you?

Tyler: Urmm...Can I go now?

LFG: Okay...Byee!

Tyler: Yeah...Bye... ***Leaves* **

HeartsBreakInLove: Elena, I dare you to give Damon a very sexy Lap dance.

Elena: No.

LFG: Fine. I'll torture Stefan until you do. ***Advances on Stefan with several vervain leaves***

Elena: OKAY FINE!

Stefan: Elena no! It's fine!

Elena: No... ***Takes a deep breath*** I'll do it.** *Walks up to Damon and does a very Damon-esque dance practically on his lap. Walks back to her seat after a few minutes*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Btw Elena.<strong> *Pushes leaves onto Stefan*<strong> It wasn't vervain. I was bluffing ***Smirk*** FAIL!

Elena: ***Mutters obscenities***

Damon: ***Smirk***

HeartsBreakInLove: I need Klaus next.

LFG: Sure thing. Klaus if you can hear me right now with your epic hearing, please come to the stage...

***Waits a few minutes.***

Katherine: HE won't come you know.

LFG: HE will!

***About 20 minutes of silence***

LFG: Klaus I have cookies...

***Klaus is suddenly stood on stage.***

LFG: ***Produces cookies and gives them to Klaus.*** Now please answer a question...

Klaus:** *Nomming cookies***

HeartsBreakInLove: Klaus, firstly, you're very hot...why do you want to be a hybrid and please don't yell at me. If you're going to yell at. Anyone yell at Stefan.

Klaus: I won't yell at you. And obviously because it would make me the most powerful creature in the world, ***Evil laugh. Starts choking on a piece of cookie***

LFG: ***Does the Heimlich maneuver on Klaus***

Klaus: ***No longer choking*** Thankyou. I owe you for that. What a pathetic almost death that wouldn't have killed me but still would've been pathetic.

HeartsBreakInLove: I got another demand, kill someone that is here and turn them into a vampire.

Klaus: Hmm...Besides Elena, you and LFG, everyone else is a vampire. I need Elena human...and LFG appears to have a dark side. Be right back. ***Grabs LFG and runs off with her***

Katherine: Okaaayy then.** *Looks at HeartsBreakInLove*** Well done for giving him that idea. Now she's gonna be a crazier bitch than ever. Leave before I make you pay for it.

HeartsBreakInLove: Oh...Okay... ***Leaves* **  
><strong><br>*****About 30 minutes later LFG returns looking very smug***

Damon: Ahh crap.

LFG: HEY! ***Vampire speeds to the other side of the stage*** This. Is. Epic!

Stefan: ***Worried face***

LFG: ***Looks at Elena*** Don't worry Elena, I'm not gonna rip your throat out or anything. I fed on some more than willing TVD fan girls...I'm quite full...For the time being... ***Smirk***

Katherine: Weell at least you're not all broody and feeding on animals...That's just sad...Anyway, please welcome Prettty-Tweety on stage!

Pretty-Tweety: ***Runs on*** Hey! Damon, I want you to say the words to Elena that you said in 2.18 so Stefan can hear them...

Damon: Urm...I said alot of words to Elena, please specify.

Pretty-Tweety: You know which words I mean.

Damon: How about, 'I've got moves you've never seen'? ***Winks at Elena***

Stefan: ***Glares at Damon***

Pretty-Tweety: No.

Damon: Well, then it must be 'Let me be clear about something. If it comes down to you and the witch again, I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will always choose you.' ***Looks at Elena*  
><strong>  
>Stefan:<strong> *Mutters*<strong> As long as it means you'll protect her.

LFG: ***Stakes Stefan*** STOP USING DAMON'S LOVE LIKE THAT YOU BROODY LITTLE FUCK!

Pretty-Tweety: Hehehe...Elena, did you know Damon got bit by a werewolf and may die?

Damon: ***How-the-hell-did-you-know-that face***

Elena: Wait...What?

Damon: Urm...Don't lie Pretty-Tweety. I have no were-rabies. I'm not gonna die. Obviously.

LFG: ***Glomps Damon* **PLEASE DON'T DIE! WE NEED YOU!

Damon: ***Can't breathe*** Get. Off. Me. Please.

LFG: ***Reluctantly drags herself off him. Sad face***

Elena: GUYS? IS THIS TRUE!

LFG: ***Throws a brick at Elena's head*** It doesn't matter right now...We have a show to do. Please shut up before I snap your neck.

Elena: ***Mumbles***

LFG: HEY! I AM NOT!** *Throws another brick***

Elena:** *BAM! Unconscious.***

Pretty-Tweety: Stefan, Why do you say you love Elena but you can't even protect her, all you do is cry like a baby? Unlike Damon. ***Blows a kiss to Damon***

Stefan: I say it because I DO love her. And I am protecting her. Just not in an obvious 'I'm-gonna-rescue-all-your-friends-and-nearly-die-in-the-process' protection kinda way.

LFG: Urgh. Even your voice annoys me.

Pretty-Tweety: ***hugs Katherine*** you are awesome! thank you for taking care of Damon ***glares at Elena and hugs Damon***

Katherine: S'all good.

Pretty-Tweety: I can't believe I'm gonna do this but...In regards to the previous episode (Note: This is 'The sun also rises' NOT 'As I lay dying') ***screams and hugs Stefan*** I knew you cared for Damon! ***smiles and glares at Elena again***

Elena: ***Starts to regain consciousness.*** What's going on?

LFG: Nothing for you to concern yourself with.

Stefan: That was strange...

Pretty-Tweety: I need to see Elijah and Klaus next...

LFG: Urmm...okay then...***Rings Elijah*** YEah...Hey...Can you and Klaus come to stage please? No...Now...Sure...Bye...***Hangs up*** They're com -

***Klaus and Elijah are suddenly on stage***

LFG: That was fast.

Klaus: One of the many perks of vampirism. Am I right mon ami?

LFG: ***Nods***

Pretty-Tweety: ***squeezes Elijah*** thank you for not killing Klaus ***smiles and hugs Klaus*** omg thank god you are alive ***glares at Elena***

Elijah: It's okay.

Klaus:** *Smirks*** I can assure I'm happier of the fact then you. Now, I have some organising to do...Come Elijah...***They're both gone***

LFG: I love them...

Pretty-Tweety: ***hugs LFG*** thank you for writing this it's awesome! ***glares at Elena*** and no hugs for you ***breaks Elena's chair leg so Elena falls. evil laugh***

Elena: OW! ***Sits on the floor sulkily***

Pretty-Tweety: That's all. BYE! ***Is gone* **

LFG: Anyway, next up we have...

***Lestat walks in***

LFG: Woah. Where did you come from?

Lestat: Some girl called Roxy invited me...

Damon: You can't be here! You're fictional! Anne Rice made you!

Lestat: Well it appears I am.

Damon: Wow. You're amazing dude. Seriously.

LFG: ***Whispers to Katherine*** Did he seriously just say 'Dude'?

Lestat: Thankyou. So Damon, you're a lot like myself - more so in season 1 - How about joining forces?

Damon: ***Is thinking***

***Edward and Bella stroll in***

LFG: Oh no they didn't just walk onto my stage...

Damon: oh great. The sparkly crew have arrived.

Edward: ***Looks at LFG*** Don't. You. Dare.

LFG: What?

Edward: You were thinking about biting Bella.

LFG: Fine.** *Starts singing a song in her head. Suddenly speeds up to Bella and snaps her neck. Goes and stands next to Damon***

Edward: Wh-what did you do! ***Lunges at LFG but is caught by Lestat and Damon who each rip off an arm.*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Nothing you told me not to do. I didn't bite her did I? <strong>*Smirks*<strong> Can I do the honors? ***Rips off his head and sets his limbs on fire. Throws Bella in there too* **The world is a slightly better place now...

Damon: It would be perfect if we could kill Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black...Along with the whole of Disney...

LFG: We should do it after the show... ***Looks at Lestat*** You can help if you want...Feel free to stay in the show...Just please don't kill any of the cast or reviewers, anyone else is fair game though...

Lestat: Deal. ***Finds a chair and sits next to Elena***

LFG: Anyway, Please welcome back Team Ramon!

TeamRamon: ***Walks on* **HEY! Oh a new person...Awesome...Elena, If you had to kill Damon or Stefan, who it would be? You have to choose, and tell the reason.

Elena: I'd kill myself.

LFG: That's not an answer.

Elena: Okay, I would kill...Whichever one wanted to at the time.

LFG: That's a SHIT answer. But we all know that martyr Stefan would probably kill himself to spare you even the choice...

Elena: I refuse to comment any further.

LFG: Ohh check you with your new found backbone. ***Throws a brick at Elena's head***

TeamRamon: Stefan, I dare you to badly prank Klaus.

Stefan: Are you crazy? I'm not suicidal!

LFG: You should be...

Damon: Go on brother, live a little!

Stefan: Fine. ***Takes LFG's phone*** Klaus? Yeah this is Stefan...Yeah...No not the one with the big forehead! Okay fine...Anyway...I know you're a super crazy homicidal were-pire right now, but we have tons of sweets if you want them...Urm...Things like popping candy, cola bottles, we also have copious amounts of chocolate...That sort of stuff...

Klaus: ***Is suddenly on stage*** Where are these sweets you speak of?

Stefan: Urmm...urr...About that...We don't have any...

Klaus: What. ***Pins Stefan against a wall*** IF I DON'T GET MY CANDY BY THE END OF THE DAY, SOMEONE'S GONNA PAY! ***Is gone***

Stefan: Woah...

LFG: ***IS laughing so hard she's literally on the floor laughing (I actually do this far too often...)*  
><strong>  
>TeamRamon: Stefan, can I have LFG's phone?<p>

Stefan: ***Gives phone to TeamRamon***

TeamRamon: ***Rings Elijah*** Hey...Just wanna say...When I first saw your hairstyle I started laughing... ***Hangs up*** I'm going now, oh and Damon, you're super hot! ***Runs off, presumably to hide from Elijah***

Damon: ***Smirks*** It's true. I am.

Katherine: Since our host is occupied. ***Looks at LFG who's still rolling around on the floor laughing* **I'll do the honors, Please welcome VioletMuse!

VioletMuse: ***Strolls on. Gives LFG a strange look but isn't really bothered* **Stefan, why did you offer yourself as a sacrifice when Elena would be turned and have to live and eternity without you? Doesn't that defeat the object of trying to save her?

Stefan: No. The point was it would spare Jenna's life; I was willing to give up my life for that of someone else. Especially someone innocent for whom Elena cares deeply. And I wasn't trying to save her so she could spend eternity with me; I was simply doing it so she'd live.

LFG: ***Stops laughing and stands up*** THANKS A LOT!

Stefan: What?

LFG: You're pathetic answer ruined my happiness and therefore caused a halt in my laughter!** *Stakes Stefan*** You penis.

VioletMuse: Anyway...Damon, now that you may or may not die, you can take this final chance to be nice to me, and to do this, you can glomp me!

Damon: ***Was probably going to make some sarcastic obnoxious remark until he noticed LFG's glare.* **Fiinee...***Glomps Violetmuse***

Violetmuse: I. Can't. Breath.** *Gasping for air*** But...Don't...Stop...

Damon: ***After a few minutes lets go and returns to his seat***

Violetmuse: ***Major fangirl scream*** I GOTTA GO TWEET THIS! ***Runs off* **

LFG: Okay...Well that concludes yet another show...I know I said it was gonna be a 3 to 4 weeks hiatus but I don't like leaving you guys waiting, I have a full week of non-stop exams so I'll probably write the next chapter next weekend...Any unused reviews will be used in the next chapter. As I stated before; No question will be left unasked! It may just take time sometimes! BYEEE! ***Waves manically***


	13. Chapter 13

LFG: I continue to be amazed at the amazing feedback to this story. Thanks so much everyone! I guess we'll get straight into it! Please welcome The Green Eyed Cat!

Green Eyed Cat: ***Strolls on with a slightly evil smirk* **I require Jeremy and Tyler.

Damon: She looks like she has evil things planned.

LFG: Fair do's. WOLLFFYY BOOYYY! JEREEEMMMYY!

Jeremy: ***Walks on* **Can you not find a better method of calling us rather then just screaming?

Tyler: ***Walks on behind Jeremy*** I agree. And 'Wolfy boy' is a bit insulting...

LFG: I could...But i don't really want to.

Green Eyed Cat: Anyway, Can I ask (well demand really) Jeremy to give Tyler a lap dance. I love you dearly Jer, but I feel this relationship with Bonnie is unhealthy for you and I'm kinda making a point, if you're gonna relegate yourself to being the b*tch in the realtionship, you might aswell really be the b*tch. Oh any Tyler can't beat Jeremy up for it later.

Jeremy: THere is NO way i'm doing that. Elena tell her i'm not doing that!

Tyler: Yeah Elena!

Elena: I would Jer...I really would...But i'm just so sick of being hit with bricks... ***Sniff***

LFG: Smart move 'Lena. Jeremy? DANCE BITCH DANCE!** *Holds up an 'I love Jeremy really, this is just to good of an oppurtunity to pass up' sign*  
><strong>  
>Jeremy: Fiinne...<br>**  
>*Music starts playing*<strong>

Jeremy: ***Begins dancing around Tyler in a party boy fashion*  
><strong>  
>Tyler: Can he stop yet?<p>

LFG: NO! Tyler...Go sit on a chair, Jeremy continue...***Holds up a gun to ensure their compliance***

Tyler: ***Reluctantly sits on a chair***

Jeremy: ***Dances around Tyler. Occasionally sits on him*** Can i stop yet?

LFG: Yeah sure. You could've stopped after Tyler sat down y'know... ***Smirk***

Tyler: Dude. Worst. Dare. Ever.

Green Eyed Cat: I'd ask for a hug from Jeremy but I think he'd not give it to me or try and break my ribs or something after that first dare, considering I've been seriously ill for 6 months I don't need the pain...

Jeremy:** *Thinks* **I hated what i had to do but since you've been ill...***Envelopes Green eyed cat in what is possibly the best hug EVER***

LFG: Jeremy gives good hugs...

Green Eyed Cat: ***In hug heaven***

Damon: I'm just relieved it was me that got the horrendous dare this time...

LFG: ***Stakes Damon*** I'm sorry but you need to shush now.

Jeremy: ***Ends the hug*** Okay...Well I'm gonna go and try and clear my memory COMPLETELY of what i just did to Tyler...BYE! ***Runs away***

Tyler: Yeah, I'm leaving before you do any other weird shit to me... ***Runs off***

Green Eyed Cat: That. Was. Awesome. I need Elijah next...

LFG: ***Whips phone out and starts texting* **He'll be here soon...

Green Eyed Cat: Well while i wait, Stefan, How much did you enjoy the Tutu LFG put you in a few chapters ago? Don't lie I saw you in it later on when there was no filming going on.

Stefan: ***Goes bright red*** Hey, just because there was no filming didn't mean i wasn't being forced to keep it on...

Katherine: Stefan, i heard her tell you you could take it off after the show...

LFG: ***Biggest grin ever. Is about to stake Stefan but stops when she remembers this is set AFTER 'As i lay Dying' and realises she's now quite scared of Ripper Stefan*** Y'know what...Until i'm sure he won't turn all 'Ripper-fied' and kill us all at one moment, let's drop it...

Elijah: ***Walks in looking at his phone.*** I presume it was LFG who sent me this text? ***Holds out his phone which says '**_**S'up my second favourite bad ass original. I know really wanna come on stage now. You just wanna come and let us all look at you. 'Cause you are quite beautiful. Anywaayyzzz, I gots to go now brav 'coz i iz running low on credit, y'know wha i iz saying?***_I struggled to decipher most of it...

LFG: Yeah sorry about that...I slip into different character roles when I'm texting...Anywaayyy...We needed you...

Green Eyed Cat: Elijah you have to kiss Katherine and tell her two nice things, she kinda deserved it since she maybe kinda loved you a little bit.

Katherine: ***Looks a bit uncomfortable***

Elijah: ***Walks up to Katherine and cups her face with both hands* **Katerina. Ти си красива. Съжалявам, че се влюбва в брат ми и не мога, трябва ми най-искрени извинения за това, което Клаус е на семейството си.

Katherine: ***Speechless***

Green Eyed Cat and LFG: AWWW!

Damon: You guys understood that?

Green Eyed Cat: No but it sounded really sweet!

LFG: Yes. Okay no but i had this ***Holds up phone which has a translator app open* **The wonders of technology...

Stefan: So what did he say?

LFG: SHH! I'm getting to that! So for all you non-bulgarian speakers, and apologies to any who are; Elijah's bulgarian isn't perfect...Elijah said; Katarina. You're beautiful. I'm sorry you fell in love with my brother and not I, you have my sincerest apologies for what Klaus did to your family.

Audience: AWWWW!

Elijah: ***Kisses Katherine on the forehead. Begins walking offstage*** OH AND YOU HAVE NICE HAIR! ***Smiles. Is gone***

LFG: ***Sniggers***

Katherine: ***Glares at LFG.*** What, you don't think i have nice hair?

LFG: Urmm...Of course i do...

Green Eyed Cat: Well, that's all! BYE! ***Runs off***

LFG:** *Avoiding Katherine's glare* **Anyywhhoo...Let's welcome new reviewer JRoeify!

JRoeify: ***Walks on*** My first questions are for Damon, Stefan and Elena. Damon, When are you gonna grow a pair and actually get Elena?

Damon: uurmm...Phhhssshaaa...Hmmm...

Katherine: That's not an answer Damon.

LFG: That's not even freaking English...

Damon: Yeah i'm gonna say not anytime soon...

LFG: ***Makes booing noises then look around innocently when people stare at her* **

Damon: Did you just me?

LFG: Well no you...Just what you said...I AM a Delena shipper afterall...You two float my boat!

Katherine: ***Facepalm***

JRoeify: Stefan, how does it feel knowing you killed Bambi's mother?

Stefan: ***Sigh*** Bambi is a fictional character. Therefore, regardless of the numerous deer i've drank from, I've never actually killed bambi's mother.

LFG: Ahhh but what if right, what if there was a deer, and these children, and they met the deer and called it Bambi, and this deer called bambi had a mother - Whether or not it was near it's child - and you killed the mother? BAMBI'S MOTHER KILLER!** *Shoots Stefan with vervain so he's knocked out and proceeds to compell someone to tie him to his chair with vervain ropes*** Now i can piss him off again without fear of him killing me. All is right with the world again!

JRoeify: Elena, how does it feel knowing Katherine's more awesome then you?

Elena: What? She isn't...bu - wha - how...NO!

LFG: ***Nods solemnly*** Yes.

Katherine: ***Smug face*** I am Elena. You failure of a doppleganger.

Damon: Seriously, STOP BEING SO CRUEL TO ELENA!

LFG: ***Sigh*** Am i gonna have to shoot you to? BEcause as much as i love you, i DO NOT want you to return as some loved up broody 'oh-woe-is-me' Stefan like version of your former self. So sit. And shut up.

Damon: ***Curses profusely but sits***

Jroeify: I also have questions for Elijah, Sheriff Forbes, Matt, Caroline, Tyler, Jeremy, Bonnie, Jenna and Alaric...

LFG: Okay... ***Shouts*** IF YOU'RE NAME WAS ON THAT LIST - AS I'M SURE YOU ALL SUDDENLY HAVE AMAZING HEARING - COME TO STAGE.

***Elijah and Liz (Forbes) enter***

LFG: I find it very strange that they entered together...Surprised they didn't kill eachother...

Jroeify: Elijah, why do you have to be so awesome?

Elijah: ***Dramatic sigh*** Because I'm fabulous! ***Skips away***

LFG: Why is Elijah suddenly very camp?

Katherine: I think he lost a bet...

LFG: Awesome...

Jroeify: Liz, why do you want your daughter dead?

Liz: Well...I don't, it's just that...Well i...

LFG: Okay Jeremy should be here soon and i don't trust you around him. I WON'T LET YOU SHOOT HIM AGAIN! ***Picks Liz up and throws her offstage in a random direction***

***Matt, Tyler and Jeremy enter. Note that Matt is in the middle of Tyler and Jeremy as they now refuse to stand next to one another***

Jroeify: Tyler, why are you so hot?

Tyler: ***Shrugs*** I'm just gonna go ahead and say...Werewolf? Isn't that supposed to like, help and stuff?

Jroeify: Matt, why were you pretending to love Caroline? 

Matt: Well, because...

Tyler: Wait, What? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT MATT! CAROLINE'S AMAZING! ***Chases Matt offstage***

Jeremy: ***Seems to relax a little when Tyler leaves* **

Jroeify: Jeremy, are you cursed or something in the girlfriend department?

Jeremy: I was. I find it quite ironic that the 'curse' seemingly lifted when i started dating a witch..

LFG: Damn judgey little things...Don't let her come here...She'll make my head explode!

Jeremy: Yeah...I'm leaving now... ***Walks off* **

***Caroline, Alaric, and by some mystical fan fiction trickery; Jenna, enter***

LFG: JENNA! ***Glompage of the Jenna*** Don't leave!

JRoeify: Anyway, Caroline, why don't you admit you love Tyler?

Caroline: Because i don't?

***Everyone give Caroline the 'seriously?' look***

Caroline: WHAT? It's True! ***Throws a hissy fit and leaves***

Elena: ***Kinda staring open mouthed at Jenna***

Jenna: ***Still being glomped by LFG***

JRoeify: Alaric, how do you feel abouit Jenna becoming a vampire?

Alaric: Creepy, I mean, i'm a hunter and stuff...Although y'know...I did think it could've made things more interesting in the bedroom... ***Waggly eyebrows***

Elena: ***Is suddenly snapped out of her trance*** EW! RIC! THAT'S MY AUNT! AND YOU'RE MY TEACHER! GROSS!

Damon: ***Gives Alaric an approving look***

Alaric: ***High fives Damon***

JRoeify: Last question...Jenna, what's it like being a vampire?

Jenna: Intense...But like, i was only one for 5 minutes...and then BAM! Death by evil vampire...so yeah...It kinda sucked...I'll be honest...

LFG: ***Finally lets go of Jenna* **

***Jenna and Ric silently leave***

LFG: WHY DID SHE DIE? ***Hysterical breakdown***

Damon: Hey, it could've been worse. Could've been me...

LFG: ***Pauses the break down. Looks at Damon. Majory glomps him*** YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU POOR THING!

JRoeify: ***Backs away very slowly until she's gone* **

LFG:** *Releases Damon* **Uhhm. Anyway...Sorry about that...Well, back to the show, please welcome KatarinaFTW!

Katherine: I like this girl already...

KatarinaFTW: ***Strolls on* **Firstly, Damon, can you get a tattoo of my face on your back?

Damon: ***Thinks* **Yeahh I'm gonna go ahead and say no...On the basis of, I enjoy going shirtless...Soo sorry 'bout that but no can do.

KatarinaFTW: Hmm...Elena, I request you to inject Stefan with a vervain dart and then slap him.

Elena: NO! I LOVE STEFAN! 

LFG: Come on...We all know you want to...

Katherine: You clearly do a little bit..Besides, he's still knocked out, he wouldn't know a thing...

Elena: And i'm being forced to do this? 

LFG: ***nods***

Elena: Well if i have too... ***Whips a vervain dart out her bag. Slowly walks over to Stefan and injects him* **I'm sorry Stefan... ***Slaps him quite hard***

LFG: Never thought i'd do this but... ***Walks up to and high fives Elena*** Great slap...

ELena: Urm, thanks, i think? ***Sits back down looking very guilty***

KatarinaFTW: Katherine, you rule, and we have the same name, I'm Katarina. My question is when will you admit you loved Elijah?

Katherine: I knew i liked you...And, whilst i felt affections towards Elijah, i doubt i loved him...

LFG: I think you did...

Katherine: ***GLares at LFG* **

KatarinaFTW: I need Klaus and -

***Klaus is suddenly onstage***

LFG: WOah...That was really awesome...

Klaus: Yeah, I was bored...And the vending machine was broke...

KatarinaFTW: I love you, so you and I will become partners in crime.

Klaus: Oh will we now? I'll have to see how bad you really are then...I could always use another Ripper...

KatarinaFTW: Will you marry me? 

Klaus: Pshhhhmmaaayybbbee no. But I'm not really looking for a relationship... ***Is gone***

LFG: Never thought i'd see him get scared off, commitment issues much?

KatarineFTW: I need Elijah too...And your phone... 

LFG: ELIJAAHHH! He should be along any minute...And here... ***Passes her phone to KatarinaFTW*  
><strong>  
>KatarinaFTW: <strong>*Takes phone and manically texts*<strong> 

Elijah: ***Walks in*** Yes?

KatarinaFTW: ***Passes phone back to LFG*** Yeah, when are you gonna admit that you dearly love Katherine?

Elijah: I do not love. Especially not back then. IF that is all i'm leaving, i do not appreciate being questioned on personal feelings. ***Is gone***

LFG: Someone's pissy...OHH A TEXT! Heyy it's Caroline...She says _'Seriously, LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! How did you get my number? I bet it was Bonnie, or Elena! WHICH ONE! TELL ME NOW!'_

KatarinaFTW: Woah, I only text her saying 'JUST GET WITH TYLER ALREADY.' Well that's all for today...BYE! ***Runs off***

LFG: Fair do's...Well, please welcome AshleyLovesYou!

AshleyLovesYou: ***Walks in and stands very close to Damon*** i effin love you. your super duper hawt. But i'm not gonna ask you to turn me. you know why? CUZ IM ALREADY A VAMPIRE. WHAT. NOW. SUCK IT YOU MOODY BIATCH...oh wait, thats stefan. love you though Damon. Anyways, WHY DID YOU  
>MAKE ELANA FORGET YOUR CONFESSION? It was so heartbreakingheartfelt. and i KNEW Elena was going to declare her undying love for you cause she opened her mouth to say something. BUT YOU HAD TO INTERRUPT AND MAKE HER FORGET. Why? 

LFG: YAY! YOU'RE A VAMPIRE TOO!

Damon: Truthfully? I noticed her open her mouth but was so fearful it was going to be a rejection that i interupted her.

Elena: ***Oh-my-Gosh face***

LFG: I think i may just cry...YOU POOR THING!

AshleyLovesYou: WHY WONT YOU ADMIT YOU LOVE DAMON? YOU EFFIN BI-TCHHHHHHH But your chill...in that really..EMPHEGARSHNESS kinda way. and whats it like losing your aunt AND your biological mom AND you biological dad? all in a couple of days?

Elena: I'm not gonna lie to ya'...

LFG: ***Has a mini spaz at the Gavin +& Stacey quote***

Elena: It's hard. But i'm coping...

LFG: STOP IT!

Elena: What?

LFG: You're making it so hard for me to hate you right now!

Elena: ...

AshleyLovesYou: Katherine, you're a biitchh.. why would you string stefan and damon along like that? you have a twisted sick mind. ***Throws a hammer at Katherine's head and stabs her with a pencil***

Katherine: OW! ***Lunges at AshleyLovesYou but is pinned to the ground*  
><strong>  
>LFG: Woah, are you like older than Katherine or something?<p>

AshleyLovesYou: ***Nods smugly and throws Katherine across the room* **Now that we know who's boss...Can i have Matt and Tyler next please?

LFG: Course you can. WOOLLFFFYYYY! BOY-WHO-DOESN'T-EVEN-HAVE-A-RIGHT-TO-BE-NAMED-BECAUSE-HE-BETRAYED-CAROLINE. IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING THAT'S MATT!

Tyler: ***Enters*** Okay, I'm all for this show and stuff but you gotta stop addressing me as wolfy...

AshleyLovesYou: You love Caroline right? THEN ACT. GET HER TO LOVE YOUU.

Tyler: Seriously? Why are ALL my questions about Caroline? Oh and yeah, DO YOU NOT SEE ME TRYING? SHEESH! ***Throws a chair at a wall and stares at the broken pieces angrily*  
><strong>  
>Matt: <strong>*walks on guiltily*<strong> Yes?

AshleyLovesYou: ihateyou. you're betraying caroline. Why would you do that?

Matt: Psshhhmmm...Yeaah about that...I...weeelll...OH SHINY!** *Runs off***

LFG: OKay, he seriously sucks at trying to avoid things. Totally not subtle AT ALL.

AshleyLovesYou: I now have questions for Bonnie, Caroline, Alaric, Elijah, Klaus and Jeremy.

LFG: ***Proceeds to text all the above characters something along the lines of 'GET YOUR ASS ON STAGE BITCH!'***

Stefan: ***Starts to regain consciousness***

AshleyLovesYou: OH GOODY! why you eat bunnies? bunnies = ah-dorable. you cant eat adorableness. oh and btw ***pokes stefan's chest*** thats where your heart is right? ***STABS WITH MECHANICAL PENCIL while elena screams* **dont worry. its plastic. it wont kill your moody kid.

Elena: OMG! STEFAN? YOU OKAY!

Stefan: Seriously? I wake up form a vervain induced coma to be stabbed with this? ***Attempts to remove it but his hands are restrained by vervain ropes* **I HATE MY LIFE!

LFG: I hate your life to. In fact, no...I just hate you...

***Bonnie and Jeremy wander on holding hands***

AshleyLovesYou: Oh yay! YOU'RE EFFIN AWESOME. But what's it like being a witch?and have you ever cast a spell on jeremy? like..to make him lustful or some sh*t?

Bonnie: Urm...I guess it's okay, but it kinda blows when you incur the wrath of 100 dead witches because you wanted to bring back your dead boyfriend...No...I'd try it but i'm already in the dog house...

LFG: Yeah that must like, suck a whole lot...

AshleyLovesYou: you're effin hawt. but bonnie can have you. i want damon ***winks at damon*** anyways. wtf is wrong with you and almost all your girlfriends dying?

Jeremy: ***Shrugs*** It sucks a bit. But hey, now i have Bonnie so it all turned out fine... ***Kisses Bonnie***

LFG: Get a room!

Bonnie: ***Glares at LFG***

LFG: ***Is on the floor clutching her head* **OOOWWW! SORRY SORRY SORRY! PLEASE STOP! 

Bonnie: ***Smirks and walks off with Jeremy***

LFG: ***Stands up holding her head*** My ears are ringing...

Klaus: ***Strolls in nomming skittles***

LFG: SKITTLES! Y'know who's cool...The skittle guy on the advert...He'd be handy to have around...

Everyone: ***Looks at LFG like WTF?***

AshleyLovesYou: Just a quick question Klaus, have you ever wanted to change your name?

Klaus: Well i was born NiKlaus...Now i just go by Klaus...Other then that, no. I find it a very mysterious vampire name... ***Nods solemnly***

LFG: I agree...

Klaus: ***Looks around. Throws skittles at everyone*** TASTE THE RAINBOW! ***Runs away***

LFG: ***Picks up a skittle and eats it*** Awesome... 

Damon: WTF?

Katherine: I guess being alive for so many centuries can mess with your mental health a bit...

Elijah: ***Cartwheels in***

LFG: Yep. Must be the age thing...

AshleyLovesYou: Elijah, what's it like having an evil brother?

Elijah: Well I just realised I'm supposed to be dead, so i think that's a good example of what it's like having an evil brother. Dangerous and scary as hell...I'm gonna go be dead now, BYE! ***Is gone***

LFG: Strange...

***Caroline and Alaric walk on***

AshleyLovesYou: Ric, What's it like? Dealing with the fact that your girlfriend's dead?

Alaric: Sucks. But it's all good, I got my alcohol! ***Holds up a glass of bourbon and staggers out*  
><strong>  
>LFG: This cast is seriously going down the drain...LIKE IN A BATH!<p>

AshleyLovesYou: I swear, you're like...the definition of a true blonde...almost. What's it like, not knowing your boyfriend's betraying you and your mom wants to kill you?

Caroline: UBER SUPER FUN FUNS! Lol jk it's Sh*t.

LFG: ***Major spaz at the spring awakening reference* **

Caroline: ***Looks at LFG*** I'm gonna go before she accidently kills me or something... ***Backs out slowly***

AshleyLovesYou: Well my last question's for LFG.

LFG: REALLY?

AshleyLovesYou: Why do you hate all the characters so much? o.o oh and if you ever wanna stop katherine from being a biatchh or something, heres a voodoo doll. ***passes you a doll*** i noticed it was missing from your stash. and it hurts elena too if you want, front side katherine. backside elena.

LFG: I don't hate them...I'm just angry... ***Sadistic grin*** Ohh thanks! 

Elena: Ahh crap... 

Katherine: Use the front side and die.

LFG: I think that's a good point to say bye at, Again apologies to any questions not yet covered, I have them all saved in a word document so they WILL get asked, I'm just slowly working my way down the list. Thanks for reading! 


	14. Chapter 14

LFG: Welcome back! I just want to say, thanks to Pretty-Tweety and Roxy for sticking up for me when a certain reviewer aired his/her opinion. It meant a lot. Now that's out the way, let's crack on! First up we have Mrs-Damon-darco-liono-potter! Or as I like to call her...Miss D!

Katherine: You only call her that because you're lazy.

LFG: If it wasn't true, and I wasn't so happy right now, there'd be several pins in that voodoo doll of yours. Annywayy...Mrs D, come on out!

Mrs D: ***Waves manically*** HEEYYY! Damon! I'm less excited than before, but I still feel like screaming my lungs out every time I see you! Want a demonstration? ***Clears throat and screams at the top of her lungs*** DAMON FREAKING SALVATORE I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING  
>IN THE WORLD <strong>*adds quietly*<strong> even more than my mother, but don't tell her!

Damon: If I wasn't a vampire...I think I'd be deaf right now...

LFG: Wow...You have a great pair of lungs on you.

Mrs D: And now here comes the questions...Elena why did you start being an ass recently? And what would you do if, God forbid, Damon had died?

Elena: An ass? I have NOT been an...OW! ***Jumps up*** WHAT WAS THAT!

LFG: ***Is stood there with the Elena/Katherine doll which now has a pin in its ass*** A stab in the ass for the ass...Now sit down...Or else...

Elena:** *Sulkily sits down***

LFG: Now answer the rest of the question.

Elena: I...Well... ***Goes really quiet*** I don't know...I...He's one of my best friends...and...

LFG:** *Walks over to and hugs Elena***

Katherine: Woah...She HUGGED her?

LFG: Normally...I'd never do that...But I would've died if he'd died...So yeah... ***Walks away from Elena*** Oh but...Don't think this makes us friends. It doesn't.

Mrs D: Stefan you're almost becoming bearable, that is because you practically saved your wonderful brother's life, make one more wrong move again and I swear you'd wish you were never born , oh and that reminds me take THAT! ***Hits Stefan repeatedly with a base ball bat* **that was for punching my beautiful Damon's face in 'the last day'.

Stefan: ***Angry veiny vamp face*** If I wasn't tied down by vervain ropes right now. You'd be dead! ***Snarl***

LFG: ***Looks at Stefan like 'seriously?'* **Idiot.

Mrs D: And DAMON do you like me? I'm 5'4 and slim, I have black hair, brown eyes and light wheatish complexion oh and I'm tomboyish. ***giggles uncharacteristically*** so what say Damon? if Elena wouldn't ever love you back, I just wanted you to know I'll always be there. ***smiles***

Damon: ***Looks her up and down*** Leave me your number. I'll see what I can do.

Mrs D: ***Jumps up and down in joy*** oh and LFG I wanted to make a request, please don't torture Damon it pains me every time you do that.

LFG: Hmmm...I can't promise NOT to...Although, he's been such a doll lately I may not need to...

Damon: A doll? Seriously?

LFG: Yeah...Thought I'd try the phrase out...Doesn't suit me does it?

Katherine: Not even a little bit.

Mrs D: That's it for today...BYE! ***Runs off***

LFG: Let's crack on...Please welcome ! Or, because I'm too lazy, Lostie!

Lostie: ***Strolls on*** HEEYY! I'll get straight into it. Stefan, I admire your bravery last episode. That earns you a large amount of  
>respect from me. And for your question, how many cute, fluffy, completely innocent, bunnies do you consume each day?<p>

Stefan: Well none anymore. ***Evil laugh***

LFG: No, Just no. Do NOT try to laugh like that. Yes you were the ripper, but you can't pull it off. FAIL!

Lostie: Elena, Not really a question, but sorry for the loss of Jenna and John.

Elena: Thankyou...

Lostie: Damon, If you could ask any reviewer any question, what and who would you ask?

Damon: Tricky...There's so many and I don't take notice of names, so I'll ask every reviewer...What were your thoughts on the TVD Finale? 

LFG: Ohh...It's taking all my restraint not to break out into a massive fangasm about it and share all my thoughts...

Katherine: I'm glad you have restraint then. 

LFG: ***Glares at Katherine***

Klaus: ***Wanders on*** Hey umm...The vending machines empty, you need to refill it soon.

LFG: Can do...

Lostie: Ohh Klaus! Good timing!

LFG: ***Glomps Klaus* **Thanks for saving Damon!

Klaus: Please remove yourself from my person immediately...

LFG: ***Gets off* **Sorry...

Lostie: Klaus, I don't understand! I want to hate you but you're so awesome! Raa! It's confusing. Okay, so question, if you supposedly hated your parents, why did you bury them then lie to Elijah about it?

Klaus: Hmmm...I may have needed them for something later on. Like to help me take over the world or something, and as for lying to Elijah about it? I couldn't have him finding them now could I?

LFG: I love how evil you are...

Klaus: Yeah well I'm gonna go steal some Hershey's kisses from somewhere now. Farewell.** *Is gone***

Damon: That dude's got serious candy issues...

LFG: I agree. But I like it, it quirky...

Lostie: Well that's all for today...Thanks! ***Runs off***

LFG: Okay, please welcome kate882!

Kate882: ***Vampire speeds onto stage. Walks up to and slaps Stefan. Hard. Hard like a brick.* **

Stefan: What was that for?

Kate882: No reason. And Elena? Sarcasm doesn't suit you. Also, mocking an immortal crazy person that doesn't like you is not a good plan. Btw, that means by the way, more people would like you if you admitted your love for Damon. That's why I don't like you, because you won't.

Damon: HEY! You can't just steal my quote! That's plagiarism! I'LL SUE!

LFG: Seriously? Don't be a douche Damon, or I'll be forced to stake you and I REALLY don't want to do that.

Elena: Well y'know what? I don't care if you dislike me. That's your choice.

LFG: URGH! YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING ELENA! ***Walks up to her and kicks her in the shin* **Bitch.

Kate882:** *Suddenly has Damon's shirt in her hands***

LFG: What the...?

Damon: What? ***Looks down*** WHERE'D MY SHIRT GO? How did you? But...what?

Kate882: ***Winks at Damon*** Super vamp speed. Gotta love it. Can I keep it Damon? I wanna brag to my friends about it...

Damon: Yeah sure...It's an old one anyways...

Kate882: ***Puts on the shirt and squeals in delight. Whips out her phone and rings Klaus***

LFG: How did she get his number...

Kate882: Klaus my main man! Fancy coming to the stage for a bit? Mhhm. yep...mhmm...Ohh yeah and bring a bookcase *Evil smile* Yes you heard right. See you in 3.

LFG: A bookcase?

Kate882: You'll find out soon enough...While I wait, Elena; For the few minutes she was a vampire, Jenna sucked.

Elena: And you're telling me this why?

Kate882: Well 'cause she's dead and stuff.

***Klaus come in drinking a glass of blood***

LFG: No food this time?

Klaus: ***Sullen face*** No. It was making me fat. I'm cutting down.

LFG: ***Bursts out laughing but stops abruptly when Klaus glares at her* **

Kate882: Anyway, did you bring the bookcase?

Klaus: ***Motions to the side of the stage where there's a bookcase he brought*  
><strong>  
>Kate882: Awesome, Klaus, yess your death threats would be better in person. <strong>*Yells* <strong>THREATENING PEOPLE OVER THE PHONE IS RUDE! I'D THINK A DUDE AS OLD AS YOU WOULD HAVE MANNERS!

Klaus: ***Shocked face.*** My age has no impact on my behaviour or any other aspects of my personality.

Kate882: Well you look like a girl anyway.

Klaus: ***Looks genuinely hurt. Then angry***

Kate882: Before you kill me. Don't. I know many powerful witches, plus I have a truckload of various candies...

Klaus: ***Mulls it over for a bit*** I'm gonna go find this truck... ***Is gone***

Katherine: ***Looks bored* **So why the bookcase?

Kate882: ***smirks. Throws the bookcase at Stefan's head*** That's because I recently found a baby bird which I'm keeping until someone can take it, and you'd probably try and eat it, even though it's a really nice bird.

Stefan: ***Looks like he's gonna kill someone* **DAMN VERVAIN ROPES!

Kate882: That's all, bye! ***Is gone* **

LFG: Now it's time to meet MidnightRose98! 

MidnightRose98: ***Strolls on*** Hey! My first question's for Bonnie...

LFG: 'Kaay... ***Glares at Elena*** You better keep your mouth shut. BONNNIEEEEE!

Bonnie: ***Walks on*** What?

LFG: ***Smiles sweetly*** Questions...

MidnightRose98: Bonnie, why is your face so crooked? You always tilt your head so I can tell...

Bonnie: ***Angry face*** Jeremy says I have a perfect face!

MidnightRose98: ***Casually throws a brick at Bonnie's head*** That might help...

***Suddenly all the vampires in the room cry out in pain and hold their head***

MidnightRose98: Woah...

***The screaming stops***

LFG: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Bonnie: It's not fair to hurt a human using my powers. So I took out my anger on all you evil bloodsuckers. ***Smirks and walks off***

LFG: Whatta bitch...

MidnightRose98: That was fun... ***Suddenly launches a vervain bomb in Stefan's face. Walks up to him and stakes his 'nether regions'***

Stefan: ***Cries out in pain*** GAAAH! WHY?

MidnightRose98: Just wanted to make sure they were there...Y'know...Your 'crown jewels'. Well that's everything...BYE! ***Runs off***

LFG: I like her...she's violet...Well, please welcome back Team Ramon!

Team Ramon: ***Walks on*** I need Klaus.

LFG: Oh goody...I love Klaus... ***Rings Klaus*** Yep more questions. No don't complain. Seriously? Urmm... I won't be your friend anymore? Urgh. Well you should care! How about...If you come to the stage...I'll make Elena be your personal slave for a week...Okay, see you soon!

Elena: Wait what?

LFG: ***Stabs the Elena voodoo doll in the foot* **Shut it bitch!

***Klaus wanders onto stage and winks at Elena***

Team Ramon: Klaus, Oh my god you're super, super hot! After I saw you almost naked and after you killed Elijah, you officially became my favorite badass. And, I think you're hotter than Damon right now! ***throws many bricks at Damon and runs off the stage, giggling* **

LFG: Okay then...

Klaus: ***Smirks at Damon*** Who's the best now? ***Struts off***

Damon: He'll regret it when he's continuously getting glomped and screamed at.

LFG: Moving right on...

***KristinFan runs across the stage screaming 'CAN YOU PUT MORE ELIJAH IN THE SHOW?'***

LFG: ***Yells back* **I would. But he's dead now. It sucks but yeah...He's dead...  
><strong><br>*****KristinFan runs back across screaming something about going to find Elijah***

LFG: Moving on, please welcome Narcissa Holly!

Narcissa Holly: ***Walks on*** Stefan, why do you have a square head and caterpillar eyebrows?

Stefan: What? No I don't! ***Looks at Damon*** Do I?

Damon: Yeah you kinda do...

Stefan: ***Sulky face* **

Narcissa Holly: ***Runs up to and kisses Damon* **I love you! Will you turn me?

Damon: What's in it for me...?

Narcissa Holly: ***Whispers in his ear***

Damon: Okay deal. I quite like beans...

Narcissa Holly: Yay! Ohh before I go... ***Runs up to Elena and begins attacking her*** STOP BEING SUCK A WHINY B***H! ***Stops abruptly. Smirks*** I have an evil side. ***Walks off***

Elena: ***Dejectedly picks herself up off the floor and gets back on her chair. Whimpers.*** Ow...

LFG: Hehehe...Well, please welcome Roxy!

Roxy: ***Walks on. Throws a brick at Elena*** WHY DON'T YOU WANNA BE A VAMPIRE!

Elena: ***Falls on the floor again*** OW! STOP THAT!

Roxy: Lestat, I want you to kiss me and turn me into a vampire...

Lestat: ***Pops up from behind Elena's chair***

LFG: ***Screams*** How long's he been there?

Katherine: Since last show...Don't ask why; I don't know.

Lestat: ***Kisses Roxy* **Of course my dear. ***Leads Roxy offstage***

LFG: A vast number of reviewers are becoming vampires...

Katherine: Yup.

LFG: Hmm...Anywhoo let's move on. Please welcome MrsSomerhalder10!

MrsSomerhalder10: ***Strolls on and hugs LFG* **So, I've been thinking and I  
>think we should totally get married on 9th November 2011. That's Stefan's<br>birthday and our wedding should definitely be the thing that ruins that for  
>him. Nobody will be thinking about him then. Damon should be our best man and<br>Katherine our chief bridesmaid. I also think Klaus, Alaric and Elijah should  
>be page boys and Elena should be a bridesmaid but you can decide on the other<br>bridesSo could I please ask them?

Damon: I'll be a best man...If there's something in it for me...

LFG: We'll make a deal later on 'kay?

Elena: I refuse to be a part of your wedding.

Stefan: Me too.

LFG: Oh you'll be a part of it. ***Evil glare*** Just you wait. ***Stakes Stefan and rubs poison ivy all over Elena's face* **That's for even DARING to think that you wouldn't be a part of it...

Katherine: Yeah I'll just say yes...I have more common sense than to refuse.

LFG: Good! We can ask the rest after the show...Also...I waaannnttt Caroline as a bridesmaid...

MrsSomerhalder10: Fair do's. ***Stakes Damon*** I'm sorry but, you raided my alcohol cupboard after you left and I've still got a bloody big bite from where you bite me last time.

Damon: ***snarls* **

MrsSomerhalder10: Oh, being our sex slaves, Damon and Kat have to do what we say. So, I think that Damon should wear this today ***Pulls out a corset, some heels, a pearl necklace and some fishnets* **and pretend to be Dr. Frank-en-furter (Tim Curry)  
>from Rocky Horror and start singing Sweet Transvestite. Yeah, this is how I<br>get my kicks...

LFG: ***Looks at Damon.*** Go change. Now.

Damon: ***Very slowly takes the clothes and leaves* **

MrsSomerhalder10: While he changes, ***Hugs Elena*** You're a stupid ** at times,  
>I admit, but you've been hit with bricks far too many times now especially after that kiss. I want Klaus and Elijah to sing God Save The Queen and kiss the feet of<br>the Royal Duke & Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William Arthur Phillip Louis and  
>Catherine Middleton.<p>

LFG: Well Elijah's dead...So unless someone randomly pulled the stake out his heart he can't...but...KLAUS!

Klaus: ***Walks on*** Yes?

LFG: Do me a favour?

Klaus: What?

LFG: Sing God Save the queen... ***Claps and music starts***

Klaus: Fiinnne but only because I'm bored... ***Begins singing***

LFG: ***Leaves***

***Just as Klaus leaves LFG returns with cardboard cut outs of Prince William and Catherine* **

LFG: I couldn't get the real thing, since there off being royal and whatnot, but these'll do...Klaus; please kiss their feet.

Klaus: ***Sigh*** Only because I'm feeling patriotic... ***Kisses the feet of the cardboard cut-outs*** Happy now?

MrsSomerhalder10: Oh very! Now I want a group hug, Kat, Klaus and I...

Katherine: Seriously?

LFG: Yes.

Katherine: Urgh. ***Envelops MrsSomerhalder10 into a hug which Klaus joins in on. At this moment Damon walks in in full costume, tripping every few seconds due to the heels.***

LFG: Remember Damon, you have to act like him aswell.

Damon: ***Groans*** You owe me BIG TIME for this. ***Awkwardly walks over to the group hug* **What have we here? Oh how FUN this looks! I must join in! ***Joins the hug* **

***Eventually the hug disperses* **

MrsSomerhalder10: That was lovely. Stefan, just want to say, I can't stand you. I could for about 5 minutes, when you got the cure but then I really just wanted to kick you where the sun don't shine. Thank you profoundly for giving him the cure Klaus! You deserve a slap for killing Elijah, but, instead I think I'll settle with the four of us wearing these ***pulls out the hats from the Moldova song at the European song contest and passes Kat a unicycle*** and singing I Can by Blue, or Lipstick by Jedward.

LFG: Not sure who that four includes but...

Damon: Oh I would just LOVE to be a part of this! How fantabulous! ***Is clearly hating every minute of this***

***Klaus, Kat, Damon and MrsSomerhalder10 put on the hats. Kat starts riding the unicycle***

LFG: I'm seriously wondering why everyone's being so co-operative today...

***Music starts. They all sing I can by Blue, and then jump straight into Lipstick by Jedward. Rave lights start. When the songs are finished the lights return to normal***

Damon: Oh my goodness! I can NOT believe I just sung Jedward! ***Giggles and returns to his seat***

MrsSomerhalder10: Okay, now I want Damon to go change so he's dressed as Gordan Brown, and Kat to go dress as David Cameron...

LFG: You no longer have to be Dr Frank-en-Furter Damon!

Damon: YES! ***Runs off stage (Stumbling A LOT)***

Katherine: URGGHH! YOU OWE ME! ***Storms off***

***Both return in the aforementioned costumes***

MrsSomerhalder10: FIIIGGHHHHTTT!

Damon and Kat: ***Somehow know what to do and begin grappling***

LFG: ***Looks at camera man. Moves the camera*** Move it around! Make it exciting!

***The fight goes on* **

LFG: Y'know...Neither of them deserve to win... ***Jumps in the fight and somehow wins*** YAY!

***Damon and Kat leave abruptly and return shortly after in normal clothes***

Damon: Thank god that's over.

MrsSomerhalder10: I now need Alaric, Jeremy, Anna and Vicki.

LFG: ALAAARIICC! JERREEMMYY! JEREMY'S GHOSTS!

***Jeremy and Alaric stroll on***

MrsSomerhalder10: Ric, I think you deserve a hug because you've had to see the two women he loved die a total of FOUR times. ***Hugs Alaric* **  
><strong><br>*****LFG, Elena and Jeremy join in***

Alaric: Thanks guys...It means a lot...But I have to go now... ***Leaves***

LFG: That was rude...

MrsSomerhalder10: Oh, and question for Anna and Vicki, Are you ghosts or vamps or what? .

***Everyone waits in silence. For about 1 hour.***

Jeremy: I don't think you'll get an answer...But I reck'n they're ghost vamps...

LFG: Yeah same...Like they're spirits are just haunting you...

MrsSomerhalder10: 'Kay... Jer, if they were alive who would you pick, Vicki, Bonnie or Anna?

Jeremy: Bonnie. 'Cause I love her.

LFG: She can't hear you y'know...

Jeremy: Maybe not...but still Bonnie...yeah; Bonnie...

MrsSomerhalder10: I think you should go to whilst your there, kill that pathetic son of a biscuit.

Jeremy: I'll go kill him now...BYE! ***Leaves***

MrsSomehalder10: Anywaayy, everyone on stage; would you ever consider getting a vajazzle or a penazzle? Only I have a friend called Amy who is a professional vajazzler.

Damon: Urrmmm...Yeaaah maybe...Could be funny. I'd have to be drunk though. VERY drunk.

Stefan: No.

Elena: Ouch. Too much pain thanks.

Katherine: What's one of them? ***LFG shows her a picture* **EWW! NO! NOONE IS GOING THERE WITH GEMS!

MrsSomerhalder10: Good to know...I seem to be obsessed with all things Lemon so  
>I'm going to finish this off by saying, "If I don't see you through the<br>week, I'll see you through the window!" I give my love to my sexy sex slaves Damon and Katarina...See y'all through your windows! ***Runs off* **

LFG: Gotta love Keith Lemon. BANG TIDY! Anyway, that's the end of another show. Sorry for the delay, and sorry for any unanswered questions...It must be annoying to have to wait...Ohh annnd feel free to follow me on twitter...I tweet about TVD and I'm gonna start posting FF updates on there...My username's **Charley_Marie_ ** ... Go forth and follow! BYE GUYS! 


	15. Chapter 15

LFG: Sorry for the delay guys, I planned to write TONS in the week half term but unfortunately I became extremely ill and slept for most of it...Back at school tomorrow so decided to get off my ass and write!

Damon: Lovely...More writing means more torture for us...

LFG: ***Winks at Damon*** we'll see...Please welcome back Kate882!

Kate882: ***Strolls on happily*** I finally found matt's gun -don't tell him (it really is his, I couldn't find it in stores) - So now I have to do this for absolutely no reason at all... ***Shoots Stefan in the legs repeatedly* **

Stefan: ARGH! I SWEAR DOWN! THESE GOD DAMN ROPES! ***Goes off into a rant***

LFG: I know! ***Runs off and returns with a few hundred blood bags which she throws onto Stefan* **That should keep him quiet for a bit...

Kate882: I wanna ask Vicki and Anna some things...

LFG: Hmmm...I KNOW!** *Runs off, returns with a small table, a Ouija board, and a glass. Sets it all up* **OKAY! So...Katherine, Kate882, Damon and Elena can join in...GO SIT!

***All of the above take seats and put their fingers on the glass (Along with LFG)***

LFG: Okay, so you ***Points at Kate882*** ask what you want to ask...And we'll see if they respond...

Kate882: ***Clears throat*** Vicki and Anna, have you been ghost stalking Jeremy or did it start just after he died?

(Italics is Vicki, Underline is Anna)

***The glass begins to spell out answers***

_I'm no stalker. I just check up sometimes._

HA! I've seen you following him around...Weirdo...

_Shutup! You have too!_

Have not! Witches told me to do it...

_Asif the witches would talk to you! They don't care about you!_

Whatever. You're so petulant.

_If you weren't already dead...Well...Then you'd be dead...'Cause I'd kill 'ya!_

LFG: GUYS! CHILL! There are more questions...

Kate882: Okay, is it weird seeing Jeremy kiss Bonnie?

_Not for me. I'm not as jealous as little Anna. After all; I was the one who deflowered little Gilbert._

***The glass suddenly flies across the room***

Damon: ***Screams and runs and hides behind his chair***

Katherine: What the actual hell Damon? You're a vampire. You've been dead. You've been bitten by a werewolf. You KILL people. And you're scared of a flying glass?

Damon: ***Whispers*** But it moved on its own... ***Realises he probably looks like a douche. Clears throat* **I mean. No of course not. ***Stands up, tries to act manly*** I screamed because...No actually...I DIDN'T scream...nor did I run...You're all just going crazy...And urm, imagining things...Yeah...That's it! ***Sits down in his seat and avoids eye contact***

LFG Annyywaaayyy...I think Anna's a little Jelly...

Elena: Jelly?

LFG: ***Sigh*** Seriously? It means jealous...

Katherine: ***Facepalm*** Your stupidity astounds me.

LFG: ***Starts putting everything away***

Elena: ***Returns to seat*** That was...different...

Katherine: Scary according to some...

Damon: ***Glares at Katherine*** IT WASN'T ME! IT WAS TRICKERY! TRICKERY I TELL YOU! ***Storms out***

LFG: ***Bursts out laughing***

Kate882: Anywhoo...Stefan, did you know your girl friend kissed Damon after he told her he loved her?

Elena: ***Freezes***

Stefan: ***Looks up with a blood covered face* **No I didn't know... ***Glares at Elena and throws some blood at her* **

Elena: Urghh! ***Wipes the blood off as quickly as she can*** I can't believe what you've become...

LFG: Oh leave it out Elena. Everyone prefers him this way... ***Throws a brick at her head* **Now, I really DIDN'T want to do that...But you made me...Don't do it again.

Kate882: but while I still hate you Stefan, I have to admit you going all human blood crazed made you a little interesting...Only a little...You're still boring and I still hate you...

Stefan: ***In between mouthfuls*** Don't. Care.

Kate882: LIZ FORRBBEESS! MAATTTT!

LFG: ***Shocked face. Whispers* **But that's my job...

***Matt and Liz enter***

Kate882: ***Before either can say anything about the gun she shoots them both in the leg*** Liz, that's for shooting Jeremy...I LOVE him - Albeit not as much as Damon - But still!

Liz: ***Screams and hobbles away* **

Kate882: Matt, I wanted to ask you, do you still have any feeling for Elena? I think all the vampire drama took away from the fact that you and her had only just broken up before Stefan showed up... 

Matt: You shot me!

LFG: So, people've had worse on this show...

Matt: They were vampires, who HEALED!

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Your point is...?

Matt: No I don't. I did, but they're gone. I'm leaving now! *Hobbles away*

***Damon walks back in sulking***

LFG: And what brings you back?

Damon: Fangirls. Attack. Horrifying.

Kate882: Since you're back, what do you think that Elena kissed you when you were dying?

LFG: And the elephant in the room roars...

Damon: I think alot of things about it.

Elena: ***Avoids eye contact with anyone***

Kate882: Normally I'd make you answer but...I'm just so happy your alive ***hugs then kisses him*** BONNNIEEEEE!

LFG: ...I'm gonna be made redundant or something aren't I?

Bonnie: ***Walks on*** What?

Kate882: Because of Jeremy's past with girlfriends, are you worried about dieing?

Bonnie: No more than I would be if I were single. Please - With or without Jeremy my life would be in SOME kind of danger wouldn't it? I'm a witch who knows vampires. Werewolves and a doppleganger for God's sake.

Kate882: Fair do's. Now about your family, we all know you had grams, but what about your parents...

Bonnie: ***Tenses. The rooms suddenly gets VERY cold*** I don't wish to talk about my parents. ***Walks off***

Elena: ***Starts to get up.*** you shouldn't have mentioned them...

LFG: ***Kicks Elena in the shin*** SIT DOWN! You're not going anywhere.

Kate882: ***Rings Klaus*** Yep...Please...Oh and bring another bookcase...Yep...Cheers... ***Hangs up***

LFG: But...No...She...You...That's MY job!

Katherine: I'd say 'there there' and comfort you but...I really don't like you. At all.

Klaus: ***Walks in and puts a bookcase in the corner*** There you go.

Kate882: ok I really need to say sorry to you, when I said you looked like a girl I meant to say that to Stefan. ***gives him bag of candy to make him feel better*** plus now that you changed Stefan into the ripper and saved Damon I totally love you ***hugs Klaus*** anyway your awesome and have gained a new fan girl. Oh and thanks for bringing me the book case. ***Winks at Klaus***

Klaus: ***Looks at the bag of candy*** It's my pleasure Mon ami. ***Walks off***

Kate882: ***Throws the bookcase at Stefan* **

Stefan: OW! Urmm hello...Wood...Vampire...DEATH!

LFG: You're so overly dramatic...

Kate882: Now I've got your attention...What do you think about Elena kissing Damon?

Stefan: Well clearly she's a bitch and is more like Katherine then I gave her credit for. But my minds occupied by killing people atm.

Elena: ***Looks like she's gonna cry. Whispers to herself*** I'm not Katherine...I can't be Katherine...No...I won't be...I can't be...

Katherine: Why not? It's great being me... ***Winks at Elena***

Kate882: ALARIC! JEREMY! KLAUS! BONNIE! CAROLINE! TYLER!

***All of the above enter* **

Kate882: All of you who've just entered, oh and Elena, Damon, Stefan and Kat too, you're all a list. You each have to choose someone else on the list to die.  
><strong><br>*****Everyone answers simultaneously*  
><strong>  
>Alaric, Jeremy, Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler, Elena, Damon and Kat: Klaus.<p>

Klaus: All besides Katerina and Stefan.

Stefan: I don't really care...As long as I still get to go all Ripper with Klaus...

LFG: Woah...So many voices...All at once...  
><strong><br>*****Everyone that just entered leaves***

Kate882: LFG, when you end the show are you gonna kill Stefan?

LFG: A few weeks ago I'd have said yes...but I'm intrigued to watch him turn into a ripper...

Kate882: Okay what ships do you support?

LFG: Hmmm...Delena, Klefan, Jyler, Forwood, Whatever the couple name for Elena and Elijah is...And my guilty pleasure ship would be (Though not necessarily in the couple sense, but in the bonding/friendship sense) Kathelena...

Katherine: Ew. You're a bit sick y'know that?

LFG: What was your first clue? ***Smirks***

Kate882: And incase anyone was wondering, about the baby bird I found, my family and I found it a new home.

LFG: That's sweet, I'm sure Ian would be proud...I love Ian...

Kate882: Well, that's all...BYE!

Violetmuse: ***Runs in and glomps Damon*** Your glomps are the best! I can totally feel you abs...Pretty sure you got a sneaky neck kiss in there... ***Swoon*** Who was I kidding saying I liked Stefan more? ***Grins before running off***

Damon: Woah...

LFG: Yup. Annywayy...Please welcome Pretty-Tweety!

Pretty-Tweety: ***Strolls onstage*** Damon, if you would give a gift to Elena, what would it be?

Damon: I'd give her...Hmmm...Happiness...

LFG: No. Sorry. Denied. That's not a real gift.

Damon: Fine...pshhuuurrmmm...can I give her the gift of darkness? As in...Make her my princess of it? ***Smirk***

LFG: ***Runs up to and glomps Damon* **YAY! You're finally starting to get your edge back! ***Releases Damon* **Hmm...Sorry about that... ***Throws a brick at Elena*** That's for taking away his edge...Y'know...after the finale I started liking you again...But earlier I watched the first few episodes of season two again and you were SUCH a bitch to Damon! ***Slaps Elena* **That's for good measure.

Pretty-Tweety: Yeah that works...Okay Katherine, who's better looking, Klaus or Elijah?

Katherine: Clearly back then I was quite vastly taken by Klaus' charm; along with his looks...But if we're talking on a purely aesthetical level? I'd say Elijah.

Pretty-Tweety: Elena, same question.

Elena: Neither.

LFG: PLEASE! There was clearly some kind of chemistry between you and Elijah. DON'T DENY IT!

Elena: There was NO chemistry. But I guess if I haaavvvee to choose I'd say Elijah...Only because I HATE Klaus and he looks a little girly...

LFG: That's cruel! ***Hits Elena over the head with a book***

Pretty-Tweety: I dare Elena to kiss Klaus.

Klaus: ***Vamp speeds onto stage* **That could be interesting. ***Smirk***

Elena: ***Screams* **No...no way...

Klaus: ***Grabs Elena and kisses her. Damon throws Elena away from Klaus but is the thrown against a wall. Klaus speeds off***

LFG: Dammoonnn! This is what I hate! When you get all mopey lovey dovey over Elena! I love you two together but you can't become Stefan...You just can't!

Damon: and Elena: ***Return to their seats***

Pretty-Tweety: Awesome...BYE! ***Is gone***

LFG: okay then...

Mike:***Slips in* **I've returned!

Freddy: ***Chuckles***

***A black she wolf with scars across her face, a shredded right ear, and yellow eyes enters behind them***

Morgra:***Sniffs*** Smells like corpses ***notices the vampires*** and...Burned... ***sees Freddy flex is claws***oh right.

Mike: ***Dials on phone* **Hello? Klaus...yes I know who you are I've got a  
>question. <strong>*Yelling is heard*<strong> Yes just calm down! Anyway...why is it you have a German name yet you speak with a British accent?

***Minutes later***

Mike: Yeah...whatever. ***Hangs up***

Freddy: That obviously didn't go well...anyway, Elena, how you ever just  
>considered killing? It really helps you let off steam. <strong>*Smiles*<strong>

Elena: I Would NEVER kill someone! 

LFG: You'd make a shit vampire. You realise if you stay with Stefan, or even Damon you'd have become a vampire. Something that John died in order to prevent? How could you NOT want to be one? Crazy bitch.

Mike: Elena doesn't have the stomach. Stefan, what was your reaction to Osama Bin Laden's death?

Stefan: ***Looks up*** He's dead? Huh...who knew...Oh yeah...kinda outta blood here.

Elena: ***Looks at Stefan with disgust***

LFG: You'll just have to hang on in there Steffie.

Morgra: Katherine...I find that ironic, since Freddy's daughter's real name is Kathryn.

Freddy:***Annoyed* **You just had to bring that up? Anyway...Katherine what did you do to entertain yourself in the tomb, and you do realize you spent most of Season Two imprisoned, right?

Katherine: I had NOTHING to do. I was BORED. Obviously it was much more entertaining for me when Stefan joined me but other than that it was horrendous. And ohhh nooo I didn't. The time just seemed to FLY by.

LFG: No need for sarcasm Katerina.

Katherine: ***Glares at LFG***

Morgra: Well we've got to be going now.

Freddy:***Glances at Damon*** And I do care about some things...just not much. And when are you going to accept the fact you aren't as cold blooded as you say you are? ***Re enters the Dream World as Mike And Morgra leave***

Damon: I already know I'm not cold blooded.

LFG: ***Frowns* **You should be. You were more fun when you first came. and taunted Stefan by saying you were gonna drain Elena. THAT was a much better time. Anyway, please welcome damonXelenaXforever!

damonXelenaXforever: I have only one request. I want Damon to wear nothing but booty shorts and sing and dance to milkshake.

Damon: ***Looks like he's gonna pass out*** No. Way.

LFG: ***Stakes Damon in the leg*** Yes. Way. Now go get those shorts on Mr. Salvatore.

Damon: Go to hell.

LFG: I will. ***Smirks*** One day. But for now? Booty shorts!

Damon: I'll negotiate. I'll wear the shorts, but I WON'T do anything else.

LFG: Hmm...I think I can deal. GO CHANGE NOW!

Damon: ***Leaves. Returns a few minutes later wearing the booty shorts. Sits down* **Ow...How do people wear these things? They're uncomfortable. And I keep getting wedgies...

damonXelenaXforever: Hehehe...***Snaps a picture*** I hope the Twitter universe is ready for this... ***Runs away giggling***

LFG: ***Sniggers*** On with the show...Please welcome The Green Eyed Cat! Or GEC! Because - as previously established - I'm lazy!

GEC: ***Strolls in. Bursts out laughing when she sees Damon*** Anyway...Firstly, can I sit on Jeremy's lap for the entire time I'm here?

LFG: Yeah! JEEEEERRR!

Jeremy: ***Walks on*** Yes?

LFG: Sit.

Jeremy: Urmm okay. ***Sits down***

LFG: ***Looks at GEC*** Go ahead.

GEC: ***Sits on Jeremy's lap***

Jeremy: What...why's she sat on me?

LFG: She's been ill for 7 months. Make her feel better, please?

Jeremy: Okayy...

GEC: Ok I gotta ask is it just me or did it not completely come across that Matt(aka Capt Dumb*ss McTraitor) was doing Caroline's Mum? I mean there were undertones ... weren't there? Maybe it's the illness. So I guess I have to ask the jerk. A.K.A Matt - I really don't like him, Caroline is amazing, how thick do you have to be to realise she didn't do anything to Vicki; she wasn't even a vamp then!

LFG: MAAATTT!

Matt: ***Walks on*** I better not be shot again!

GEC: Were/are you sleeping with Caroline's Mum?

Matt: What! ***Goes bright red*** No! We were just...discussing Caroline! I refuse to talk to you when you say such things! ***Storms out***

LFG: I used to really like Matt...But he was a dick to Caroline...

GEC: Sorry about the lap dance thing Jer ***strokes his hair*** please forgive me, I'll give you Halo?

Jeremy: Ahh it's okay...You don't have to give me halo...

LFG: Awww...This is why I love you Jer!

GEC: Okay, Loved your rant at Stefan with the Bambi Mother's killer speech, it was well deserved. Also I thought he was taking human blood on a regular basis to become acclimatized to it? And I gotta ask if you're a vamp with a blood addiction, doesn't that make you the human equivalent of having a cake addiction or something? Doesn't that just mean you're like a girl constantly on her time on the month Stefan?

Stefan: I was. Clearly it didn't work. Cake? No no no...This is so much better than cake...AND I AM NOT A GIRL! ***Snarls***

LFG: Yep. He's constantly like a PMSing girl.

GEC: Most girls learn how to control they're hormonal cravings; I guess Stefan's just extra hormonal.

LFG: And on that note, I bid you all farewell. ***Produces the Elena/Katherine doll*** I'm gonna go have some fun...But before I do; Thanks to The Green Eyed Cat for those YouTube links, De Niro in a dress WAS epic...And another thing, did anyone go to the insurgence convention in Birmingham this weekend? If you did I'd love to hear what it was like...I'm planning to go to the one next year...BYEE!

P.S. Some new reviewers asked if I was taking questions from new people, of course I am! All questions from everybody are welcome. Thanks to the immense support I've already had!


	16. Chapter 16

LFG: Welcome back guys! Just as a heads up, I think there will only be a few more chapter of this...There's already 16 and I don't want to drag it on; I feel it'd be best to end it on a high rather than wait till the quality lags and everyone loses interest. I'll announce when it's the final chapters though and ALL questions WILL be answered before it ends. Well, now that's out the way, thanks to MrsSomerhalder10 for motivating me to update sooner...Well, please welcome AshleyLovesYou to the stage!

AshleyLovesYou: ***Runs on stage and straight up to Elena*** Elena, WHY WONT YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND DAMON!** *rips off her vervain necklace with a glove on and compels her*** you will stop loving Stefan and fall in love with Damon. OK? ok. Now go make out with him ***pulls Elena into a standing position***

Elena: ***Stares at AshleyLovesYou like 'Seriously'*** Yeaahh nice try. I've started ingesting vervain. ***Smirks***

LFG: Doesn't mean we can't make you make out with him.

Elena: I'm so SICK of you pushing EVERYBODY around! JUST BECAUSE IT'S YOUR SHOW. ***Throws a vervain dart at LFG***

LFG: Ahhh! Okay...***Falls to her knees*** Blacking out now... ***Is unconscious***  
><strong><br>*Everyone just stares at her for a few minutes***

Katherine: ***Tuts*** Must I do everything? ***Drags LFG offstage and returns.*** Guess that makes me the replacement host. ***Grins sadistically* **Now...Elena**...*Walks up to and slaps Elena*** Go. Kiss. Damon. Or I'll torture Stefan.

Elena: No you won't.

Katherine: ***Puts on a glove, produces some vervain and walks up to Stefan.*** Watch me. ***Holds the plant against his cheek*  
><strong>  
>Stefan: AHHHHHH!<p>

Elena: OKAY! I'll do it!

Katherine: ***Puts the vervain away* **Thought as much.

Elena: ***Walks up to Damon*** Hey...

Damon: Don't act like you don't want this. ***Pulls Elena in and kisses her violently***

Elena: ***Kisses back before stopping abruptly*** OKAY! DONE! No more kissing! ***Returns to her seat.***

Katherine: Frigid.

AshleyLovesYou: Damon, go make out with Elena or something. You guys are perfect for each other.

Damon: Sorry to disappoint your voyeuristic wants, but we just did. And as much as I'd just looovee to again, I don't think Elena'd be too happy about it.

AshleyLovesYou: Urgh. Whatever. Stefan, ...***stabs his foot with a stake*** I hate your personality. It's like Edward's. you're creepy, and I dare you to...uhh...let the next Stefan lover who comes on...uhhmmm...make out with you. I DARE YOU.

Damon: HA! Not like that's ever gonna happen...

Stefan: ***Snarls at Damon***

Katherine: ***Sighs*** Oh Shut UP Damon. ***Stakes his leg* **

Stefan: Yeah okay, guess I could do that.

AshleyLovesYou: My next thing is for The wolf-boy-who-cant-have-a-name-because-he-is-a-douche-bag-and-betrayed-caroline-and-other-people...-douche.** *Smiles Sweetly***

Katherine: Assuming that's Tyler. Okay then. ***Whistles loudly***

***As few minutes later Tyler wanders on***

Tyler: I'm assuming that whistle was aimed at me?

Katherine: ***Smirks*** Good dog!

Tyler: ***Death glare***

AshleyLovesYou: ***Walks up to Tyler*** WTF. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU. ***steals his phone and texts Caroline saying '**_**will you go out with me since matt is a douche - like me - but he's a bigger one since he's betrayed you?**_**"* **SEE? IT'S THAT SIMPLE. YOU IDIOT.

Tyler: ***Reads the text*** WTF! I gotta go fix this! ***Runs off***

AshleyLovesYou: CAROOLLLINNNEEE!

Caroline: ***Vamp speeds onto stage*** Hmm?

Katherine: Read your phone yet Blondie?

Caroline: No. It's dead. Why? ***Suspicious face* **

AshleyLovesYou: ***Shakes her head disapprovingly*** Why Caroline you blonde... ***Produces Caroline voodoo doll and stabs it*** GO OUT WITH TYLER!

Caroline: OW! ***Holds her stomach*** You. Bitch. I'm gonna go now before I accidently kill you. ***Walks out***

Katherine: ***Starts filing her nails*** Blondie's got issues.

AshleyLovesYou: ***Rings Alaric*** Hey...Ric...Yeah...Alaric Saltzman...hehe...Saltzman...Have people ever made salt puns about your last name? ehhehehe... SALTzman...hehehehehehehe...

Katherine: ***Sighs*** I can hear his yelling from over here.

AshleyLovesYou: ***Hangs up*** He was rude. Now I want Klaus, if he doesn't come, tell him I have skittles.

Katherine: Oh joy. I'm sure he heard skittles and is coming running.

***A few minutes pass* **

Klaus: ***Wanders in*** Someone said skittles?

Katherine: Her. ***Points at AshleyLovesYou***

AshleyLovesYou: ***Gives Klaus the skittles*** What's your favourite colour?

Klaus: ***Noms the skittles*** Normally, I'd say red...Like blood, but now I'm gonna say orange because it's my favourite flavour skittle. ***Continues nomming skittles as he leaves***

Katherine: Well he's certainly changed.

AshleyLovesYou: And Katherine? ***stabs her with a vervain covered stake* **THAT IS FOR MESSIN WITH DAMON. YOU BIITCH. Nobody. Messes. With. Damon. Got it? ***smirks*** Ciao. ***Is gone***

Katherine: ***Hisses as she pulls the dart out*** Bitch is lucky I've built up a tolerance to this stuff. Least she had the good sense to run. I'll get her later...Well, I guess I should get Eye of The Tigress up on stage next...

Tigress: ***Dances onto stage singing something along the lines of 'DAMON FREAKIN' SLAVATORE!' to herself. Then notices everyone. Stops and smile evily.***

Katherine: Oh lovely. Another nutter.

Tigress: Hi. ***Little evil wave*** My first question is for Steffie. ***Walks over to Stefan and sits on his lap.* **Stefan, First off, I love The ripper you. I know that you think its all 'ETERNAL DAMNATION 'and everything, but I personally think its realllyyyy HOT. I mean, that scene in the finale when you were on the floor in Klaus' apartment with the blood... ***Gazes off. Suddenly snaps back*** so, my question is why are you holding back? Get rid of your  
>humanity and kill someone already!<p>

Stefan: ***Evil vampy face* **I'll start with you! ***Is just about to bite but Katherine throws Tigress off*** What did you do that for?

Katherine: You'd have killed her and LFG might not be here now, but if she came back and a reviewer was dead she'd kill YOU. ***Whispers in Stefan's ear*** And I want you to stay right here with me.** *Smirks***

Elena: ***Glares at Katherine but says nothing***

Tigress: ***Gets up* **Urmm...Ow? To make it up to me you can get Klaus... ***Smiles sweetly***

Katherine: Ummm...How about no? This isn't my show.

Stefan: KLAUUUSSS!

Tigress: ***Blows a kiss to Stefan*** Thankyou.

Stefan: Didn't do it for you.

Klaus: ***Wanders on* **Yes my lovely vampiaahh rippaah? _(A.N. Who loves it when Joseph Morgan says ANY of those words? Or ANY words for that matter?)_

Stefan: Get me out of these ropes. I need to kill some people.

Klaus: No can do. The longer you stay there, the more ready you'll be to embrace your rippaaah nature. Plus I happen to quite like this show. And they're the terms of you being on it.

Tigress: Klaus please sit down.

Klaus: Promise me bon bons first.

Tigress: IF you sit down I'll give you bon bons.

Klaus: ***Sits***

Tigress: ***sits on his lap.* **Again, you are REALLLLLLLLLLYYYY HOT. And super evil. I love you. Keep doing what you're doing; you know what I'm saying?

Klaus: ***Smirks*** I do. And of course you do. I'm awesome. ***Speeds off leaving Tigress sat on the chair***

SalvatoreBrothersMySalvation: ***runs on and throws a brick at Elena*** GET IT ON WITH DAMON ALREADY! CAN YOU NOT SEE YOU'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! ***Throws another bricks and runs off***

Tigress: Woah...Well, I'm off...cya! ***Walks off***

Katherine: You've been hit in the head with bricks so many times now Elena...How are you not dead?

Elena: ***Holds her head and whimpers*** I don't know...

Katherine: It's a shame isn't it? If you knew we could change it...Well I guess it's time for werewolvesrule5 to come onstage now...

Werewolvesrule5: ***Strolls on...Is dropping a line of skittles behind her*** There we go...

Katherine: What the hell?

Werewolvessrule5: You'll find out soon enough...But first? JEREMMMYYY! TYLLEERRR!

***Jeremy and Tyler wander in* **

Werewolvesrule5: ***Shoves loads of papers at them*** It's Jyler. Read it.

Jeremy: What's -

Werewolvesrule5: READ IT...and find out.

***A few minutes go as they read it* **

Jeremy: AHHH!** *Drops the papers and runs to Elena* **WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Tyler: DUDE! I'm not done yet! ***Picks up the paper and continues reading. It's a while before he screams.* **AHHH! WHAT THE! NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO! ***Shakes his head vehemently* **WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME READ THAT?

Werewolvesrule5: So urm...What are your thoughts on Jyler?

Tyler: ***Goes off into a rant***

Jeremy: ***Is now whimpering in a corner whilst continuously hitting his head***

Werewolvesrule5: I was gonna make them Kiss...but...

Jeremy: NO! ***Gets up and walks out***

Tyler: I can't stand this... ***Is about to leave but realises he'd be following Jeremy so leaves via the audience***

Katherine: Guess those two won't be talking for a while.

Elena: ((I don't think she's very capable of forming coherent sentences anymore)) ***Glares at Katherine and Werewolvesrule5***

***Klaus wanders in staring intently at the skittles on the floor. Looks up at Werewolvesrule5***

Katherine: ...

Klaus: They came from you! I presume that means you have more?

Werewolvesrule5: How do you manage to be so Sexy? How are you so HOT? How are you Hotter and more of a BAMF than Damon AND Elijah? (I didn't think that was possible) Could you do a striptease?

Klaus: Hmm...Because I'm just awesome...Hot comes with being sexy...Umm hello vampire hybrid AND original? And I could...But I won't...Well, not onstage anyway ***Winks at Werewolvesrule5***

Werewolvesrule5: Weeelll could you kiss me instead?

Klaus: I could. ***Takes werewolvesrule5's hand and kisses it* **En chante mademoiselle.

Werewolvesrule5: ***Faints***

Klaus: Urmm...***Picks Werewolvesrule5 and takes her offstage* **

Katherine: ***Shouts loudly* **IF YOU KILL HER I'M NOT DEALING WITH THE ANGRY BITCH WE HAVE FOR A HOST! anyway...Guess I should welcome DramaDitz...

DramaDitz: ***Runs on*** Elena and Damon ***Smiles at them both*** awesome chemistry! Who would've thought it would take a dieing Damon to allow him to kiss her.

Elena: ***Looks awkwardly at Damon***

Damon: ***Begins whistling non-chalantly***

DramaDitz: Stefan ***shakes head*** honestly, after I told you to wear that tutu and feather boa with glitters I actually never thought you'd 'enjoy it'. Goes to show that ripper Stefan is truly a rip off. You're not going to scare anyone if you walk around like that. Though scary Stefan is much more interesting then broody Stefan. ***scratches head*** I admit that I'm not a Caroline and Stefan shipper because I'd rather see her with Tyler, but when you helped her and everything with her transition you smiled and it seemed like the most genuine smile I've seen you give in the entire show. You had more chemistry with Caroline in that small moment then you had with Elena in the two seasons.** *pats Stefan on the  
>back* <strong>You just need to move on and find a better girl. Brunettes are just not doing it for you.

Stefan: LET ME OUT OF THIS FREAKING CHAIR!

Katherine: STFU STEFAN! ***Throws a chair at him***

DramaDitz: Elena, John gave you his soul and I'm guessing it was the reason you didn't go all vamp but if you had turned into a vampire...what would you have done? Stake yourself since you just admitted you didn't want to be a vampire?

Elena: ***Looks up*** Why does that matter? It didn't happen. Why ponder the consequences of what could have been?

Katherine: ***Kicks Elena*** This is NOT an intellectual show. STOP TRYING TO SOUND SMART! ***Slaps her round the head***

DramaDitz: Anyway... This brings me to the conclusion. Why are you with Stefan, your just leading him on. You want a family and kids, and yet you're dating a guy who's as dry and infertile as a desert. What gives? You're putting yourself in a path where you're doomed to turn yourself into a vampire, hope you grow up when the time comes or in your case you better hope that some miracle potion appears which turns vampires to human.

Elena: ***Thinks*** Why would a desert be having kids?

DramaDitz: What?

Elena: You said he's as infertile as a desert...But why would a desert be having kids?

***Several minutes of awkward silence pass by***

Katherine: I know I said dumb it down Elena but that just takes the piss a bit...

DramaDitz: I'm obviously not going to get a straight answer out of YOU.

***At this moment Klaus and LFG walk on, laughing together whilst nomming numerous chocolate bars***

Katherine: And where have YOU been while I'VE been presenting YOUR show?

LFG: ***Shrugs*** Vending machine.

Klaus: ***Throws Katherine a chocolate bar* **Smile Katerina. That frown doesn't do your features justice

Katherine: ***Begrudgingly opens the chocolate bar, sits on the floor cross-legged and begins eating it angrily - a bit like a stroppy child***

DramaDitz: KLAUS! Being brothers with Elijah...what was your childhood like together?

Klaus: ***Drops all the sweets he's holding and bursts out laughing* **Weel...There was this one time...***Can barely get his words out for laughter. Drops to his knees*** I remember it so clearly...his face was amazing...***Is now literally rolling on the floor laughing*** And it all started because**...*Suddenly freezes. Stands up...A solemn unreadable expression across his face. Picks up and throws a galaxy bar at DramaDitz*** DON'T ask about my childhood. ***Walks out pissily***

LFG: Someone seems hormonal. Must be his time of the month...

DramaDitz: Okkaaaayy then...Katherine, I really thought you were a goner in season two but I was surprised that Klaus sort of just left you...I mean yeah he made you stab yourself cruelly in the leg over and over again but he then sort of just left you to rot in Alaric's house. Any ideas with what you think they'll do with you in season three, since it will mostly revolve around the originals?

Katherine: ***Looks up*** Yes. I have some ideas.

Damon: Care to share?

Katherine: No. ***Continues angrily eating the chocolate***

DramaDitz: Geez. Chill your beef Kat. I have a question for LFG, after the show what do you and the TVD crew do? Do you go your separate ways or do you (knowing how underhanded, sneaky and evil you are) lock them away in a basement somewhere until the next show?

LFG:** *Begins laughing evil as horrified expressions flicker across the faces of Damon, Stefan and Elena*** Why not stay back and find out? The information's only for a select few.** *Throws her head back as she laughs again. Walks off stage laughing*  
><strong>  
>Katherine: Where the hell's she going? FFS.<strong> *Storms after her*<strong> LFG YOU GET BACK HERE! PRESENTING WIHTHOUT YOU WAS NOT IN MY CONTRACT!

DramaDitz: ***Awkwardly stands there for a bit* **Yeah I'm gonna go now...***Runs away***

***A few more minutes of awkward silence pass by***

Elena: I fancy some pizza...

***A few more seconds***

Damon: Yeah...me too...

Stefan: Well, we'll go get some then?

Elena: Yeah...Let's do that. ***Walks off closely followed by Damon***

Stefan: DAMN IT. I MEANT UNTIE ME SO I COULD COME! ***Mutters* **Screw them. Don't like pizza anyway...

***A few minutes later LFG hops onto stage on a space hopper.***

Stefan: Seriously?

LFG:** *Nods silently*** I guess - since everyone's run off - that's the end. Sorry for the late update guys, I've just had a lot of personal stuff going on lately...And the next time I update will be the last...I have a feeling it'll be a massively huge chapter...Also; OMG I GOT NOMINATED FOR BEST COMEDY IN THE 2011 FANFICTION AWARDS! Thanks you SO much to Tinkerbell90 for nominating me! It made my week sweetie! I'll try to make the last chapter the best...See you all again (Hopefully) Soon!

(P.S Once the final chapter is posted; no more questions will be answered...So send them all in NOW!)


	17. Chapter 17

I know you were all expecting another chapter and I'm SO sorry. I've completely lost interest and motivation in this fic, and I fear that if I update that standards will have dropped, and I REALLY don't want that.

Therefore it is with deep regret and apologies that I say this is the final chapter. I know I said I was doing one more but I've got a lot of personal stuff going on right now, and I don't want to end this with a less than adequate final chapter. (Yes, the irony that THIS is the ending isn't lost on me)

When I started this I never imagined that so many amazing readers would like it, I am SO thankful to you all...And again, I'm sorry to disappoint those whose questions remain unanswered.

My other fic (Vampires don't write letters) is still running, it takes a lot less time to write a chapter for that one so naturally, I find it easier to update.

However, when I get more time, I AM considering writing a serious TVD fic, and I'd like to know if any of you would read it and what pairings are preferred...

Unlike my parody fics, I would NEVER leave a serious one hanging...

Well, I guess that's all from me...I've had so much fun with the characters and reviews, and I am so sorry it's ending like this...Much love!

-LFG (Charley) :)


End file.
